I wake early the following morning, grab my clothes and sneak out of the door. I wouldn't usually fuck and run, but my head is all over the place and I need space and time to think.

Once home I have a hot shower, scrubbing away the night before. I dress in my comfiest pjs and head straight to my room. I don't want to risk bumping into one of the lads.

I turn my phone off, perch at my desk and open my journal. I allow all of my thoughts to spill onto the pages, the only way I know how to decipher what is going on inside my head. I keep going, fearing that if I stop I will miss something critical. Alex, Will and Harry. Everything I think of each of them taking up tens of pages alone.

Once I am done I slip down the hall into the kitchen to make a coffee, careful not to make any noise that would attract the lads. I am in my groove and on a roll.

***

It's late by the time I tuck up in bed, my mind made up and clear. I drift into a light sleep almost as soon as my head hits the pillow.

***

I slip my boots on as I open the front door, careful not to wake the boys so early. I jump into my Uber and head straight for the warehouse.

I spend a few hours organising paperwork, setting everything up for the team when they arrive. Then it is time.

I send the text, grab my belongings and head back out of the door. I know he will be there, he won't let me down.

The drive back into town is nerve wracking, because as much as I know he will be there, I fear what will happen if he isn't. I have sorted my head out, I know what I want. I can't cope with that being shattered. I have found the man I want to spend at least some of my life with.

We pull up, so I open the car door and slip out. I can feel my heartbeat racing against my chest, nerves filling my tummy with butterfly's. If he is here, all will be okay. If he isn't.. I don't want to think about that.

I push the door open, slipping inside and wandering up to the end of the queue to order myself a drink. I steady my nerves and look around, hoping to spot him waiting for me.

He's here. He didn't let me down.