(Before Thalia)

TW: mentions of Suicide

My phone annoyingly rings for the third time tonight, I was so close to just throwing it out the window. Fuck that.

Hello?? You haven't answered any single one of my texts in days.

Duke was being pushy as usual which only ever made me more pissed off. I hate when he starts to act like he needs to take care of me. I'm over that shit.

I just want to sleep. Forever. I think that's what death is like, sleep. A very deep sleep that I was in need of because I was fucking tired.

I leave my phone where it is on the counter, letting it buzz away. Beau follows behind me, already trying to get me to pet him.

I head upstairs and reach what I was looking for, the safe. I open it before taking the never before used gun. I strap it onto my waist before putting my shirt down to hide it.

I look around the room quickly, taking in the last memory I would have of my room. The feeling is weird, I know what I was about to do but the only feeling I could express was knowing that it needed to be done.

Just get it over with already. I shut the door and walk back downstairs, kneeling down to give Beau one last pet. I know Duke would eventually come check on me, he'll take care of Beau.

"You've been good company." I scratch his ears before he licks me happily.

I stand up and walk through the door, not looking back to the house that would trap me with my own feelings of past trauma. There wasn't anything for me to miss. No one to miss me either. I just have to fucking do this already.

I reach for the belt on my waist, making sure the gun was still there. I walked around the streets for a while until eventually, I stopped by the river.

The night was already breezy as it is and just looking at the water, it looked cold as shit. I'd definitely drown because I can't fucking swim. I rather not feel any physical pain if I was going to die slowly.

I take out the gun and look down at it. Just one shot with this and done, no pain or anything. I didn't know it would be so fucking difficult to choose my own cause of death.

Fuck the water. I'm not getting in that cold dirty water. I walk the quiet streets, looking for any tall trees that I could eventually die under.

I walk around slowly, not in any rush or anything. Staring onto the ground at each step. I'm fucking stalling. I look around at the quiet neighborhood, nobody was around.

I look down at the gun in my hand, I really don't want a bullet through my brain. I take a deep breath, starting to feel myself panic.

Why can't I just fucking do it. Get it done already. Fuck.

I run a hand through my hair roughly as I start to pace back and forth down the street. I wanted to do it but I can't. I can just fucking wait one more day or some shit.

My head starts spinning and I sit on the hard ass sidewalk as I take a moment to just breathe. My heart was thumping like crazy, I don't know why. Maybe I'll die of a heart attack.

My chest feels tight but I keep taking shallow breaths as I focus on the road in front of me. I stare at one direct pothole on the road, keeping focus on that.

"Hi" I hear someone but chose to ignore it. Maybe if I ignore them they'll get the fucking hint to leave.

"Hi!" They spoke in a louder tone so I turn my eyes ahead to stare at the person.

It was just a girl.

My eyes trailed directly down her legs, slightly forgetting about anything that I planned on doing tonight. I look up at her eyes, honey green eyes stared back at me.

Hm.

"Hi, again." She says repeatedly, looking both ways before crossing the street.

Don't come over here.

"Are you okay?" She asks when she walked over. Girl doesn't mind her own business.

"Do I look okay?" I grunt as I ache to get myself standing up, clenching the gun in my hand. I stretch my legs out, thinking the girl walked away but when I turned around she was still here.

Fuck. Me.

"Well no, not really." She looks down at the ground.

"Then there's your answer." I sass, feeling annoyed at the presence of another person all in my business.

I turn around to get a look at her, watching as she looks me up and down herself. My eyes can't help but do the same to her, why the fuck is someone like her out right now?

She was in an oversized sweatshirt and some small ass shorts. Her dark hair had been covering her face before but I got a good look at her face now.

She's not bad looking to be the last face I ever saw. At least it'll be a pretty one.

Her eyes finally take in the small gun in my hand and her eyes widen slightly at the realization. It made me want to put the gun behind my back and make her pretend like it was never there.

"Uhm Why are you here all alone?" She asks curiously. Not even mentioning the gun in my hand.

"Why do you care?" I retort, unintentionally clenching the gun in my hand.

"I was just asking, jeez." She shakes her head as if she expected me to actually answer politely and tell her about my fucking day.

"You know, it's not safe to be out in the middle of nowhere at night. it's dangerous." She said randomly. No shit, I know that.

"Then why are you here?" I look down at her attire once again.

"Oh you know, just...exercising. Getting my steps in." She purses her lips before biting her bottom lip.

"Anyway, enough about me. How about I walk you home. I'll make sure you get home safety." She smiles at me as if we were best friends or something.

I look around to make sure I wasn't being played with right now or some shit. She's just going to act as if I don't have a gun in my hand. It must be drugs.

"You? Want to walk me home?" I ask to make sure it was clear. She's weird.

"Yep, that's what I said." She nods, letting the silence fall right after.

Maybe I already fucking shot myself and this is what death is like. Meeting random people. This is the most random thing to ever happen to me.

"So this way?" She starts walking around me and I scan the neighborhood one more time to make sure no one else was around.

I couldn't help my eyes when they happened to fall on her ass but if it was my last day on earth, I think I deserve to see some one last time. She glanced behind her, looking at me and I move my eyes back to the ground.

I put the gun back into the waist belt before walking besides her, quietly. I don't know what to say. I've never talked to a stranger willingly before.

"So why are you carrying around a gun?" She asks me, breaking the silence. Obviously, I wasn't going to say shit about my intentions.

"Because I can." I go with that and she accepts the answer.

"Okay.." she trails off in thought to herself. This is so weird.

I glance at her as she looks down at the ground, watching as she walked. My eyes trail down her again, the red oozing out of her knee caught my attention.

"Your legs bleeding." I look away as if I had never been looking in the first place.

She looks down at the cut on her leg before looking back up.

"Oh yeah, it's nothing. Just a little scrape form all the fighting I've been doing." She says too confidently. I wonder if she knows that I know she's lying to me.

"I'm Thalia, by the way." Her eyes twinkle or some shit when she looks up at me.

"What's your name?" She asks me. This is weird, I shouldn't have even allowed for her to take me home.

But I did because I needed one more day. But then I'll do it. I think. That or I was just waiting for someone to give me a reason to not go on with it.

"Heath." I feel relief when I tell her and actually

for the first time, I'm grateful that I stayed long enough to bump into her.

Weird ass feeling.

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A/N

Hope this explained it pretty well of what actually was happening that night.

8/20/22