My outlook on life fucking sucked, it has been so fucked up since I can remember. I've experienced loss and loneliness more times than I can count and barely have any memory of being fucking happy over anything.

But I find myself fucking excited as I waited for a message back from Thalia. Like some fucking girl. The feeling was strange but it was always something to look forward to, because I need something like that.

Or I'd get myself into a fucking weird state, mentally.

You like them? They're pink and fluffy :)

I read her text and click on the picture she sends me. A zoomed out picture of her bare legs and pink pig slippers on her feet.

She was the most random person I ever fucking Met. She talked a lot and didn't know when to stop pushing. She was the complete opposite of what I liked in a person.

Or what I used to. Because now I can't find myself to dislike her.

No

I send her a reply even though I did like them and click back on the picture to see it all over again.

"Is that a smile on your face? Is that what you do when you're alone?" Duke barges into my house as if it was his fucking own.

"No" I take off whatever smile shit I had on my face.

"I've known you since high school and you never smiled around me. Who's the lucky person?" He walks around the kitchen island to where I stood and snatched the phone away.

"Of fucking course. Thalia, your precious boo " He holds the phone away but I didn't try to get it back.

"Yes, Heath I love you so much too. I just want you to take me in your big strong arms and kiss me while you-" He pretends to read off the screen.

"Shut the fuck up." He easily got on my fucking last nerve but he was just as easily a brother to me.

I'll never fucking tell him something corny like that though.

He puts the phone down and leans onto the counter top, getting serious. He always thought he was acting like some hero by coming here even though I don't need him to.

I deal with my shit by myself.

"How have you been man? You haven't been to work in a week." I knew he would bring that up eventually but I didn't feel like talking about this.

"I'm fine." I sigh, just trying to get through my day without having a conversation about how I fucking feel.

It was stupid and why would anybody care, I'll deal with it like I always have.

"Did you eat? We can go out if you haven't" He offers but I shake my head.

"I'm not hungry." I haven't been since the fucking anxiety took a bigger hit on me. I'd eat eventually when I knew I had to.

"C'mon man, that's not healthy. I can make you something or we can go out." He walks toward my pantry and starts looking through it.

I hate the way he would act whenever he came over, it drove me insane. I told him multiple times that I didn't need him to come over to check on me but it makes his conscious feel better about himself.

"Eat something for now." He takes a bowl out and a cereal box.

"Stop acting like my fucking dad. I told you I didn't need this." I tightly clench my jaw before I would burst out at him.

"Look, I'm not doing this because I feel some fucking pity for you, despite what you might think. You're my best friend. I want to help you." He stops and looks at me seriously.

"You gotta accept someone's choice to wanting to help you eventually. You can't stop someone from wanting to help." He says like he's some fucking therapist.

The only reason he acted like this was because he lived with me through my past, not all of the parts but he was apart of some bad moments in my life. He knew where I came from and what I went through in life.

I ignore him and take out the bag inside the box. Are you fucking kidding me, there was no more marshmallows in the bag. I bought a box of lucky charms for myself. This shit is a waste now, the marshmallows are the best part.

Fucking Thalia.

"I'm not eating this shit." I slide the bowl away and Duke looks annoyed as shit by now.

"Why not , princess? Is the milk too cold for you? Or is the cereal not the one you wanted?" He gives me attitude and I run my hands through my hair, trying to not yell at him.

"There's no fucking marshmallows, why would I eat this" I show him the bag and he takes it out of my hands.

"You're upset over some missing marshmallows?!? What the hell, Heath. Gosh, fine." He walks to the pantry again and pulls out a small box.

"Have a fucking pop tart then. You're so picky." He sighs and throws me the pop tart.

It was the strawberry one, that one tastes like shit. I'm not eating that.

I grab my phone and look at Thalias message.

My piggy slippers are awesome, you just have no taste in fashion :p

My phone gets taken away from me by Duke and he types something. While he's busy doing that, I walk to my pantry and eat some cookies.

"There. I told her how whiny you're being." He hands me back the phone and I read through it.

It's Duke. Heaths being a brat and won't eat his cereal because someone ate all the marshmallows in his cereal.

"Don't call me a brat." I kick him on his leg and he grunts.

"It's true. She probably knows it by now." He glared at me.

"Stop fucking trying to start something with her." I kick him one more time because I felt like it.

I knew the way he flirted and spoke with Thalia was to get a reaction from me but she didn't know that and it would get to her head. He was an annoying fuck.

"Why? You jealous? I mean, I would be too. Look at me. And when you think I can't get any Better, I'll take off my pants." He chuckles.

"Maybe Thalia's interested in seeing me without my pants. I'll ask her-"

I punch the smirk off his face. Fuck, he gets on my nerves.

"Good. I got you to get all your anger out, I hope that was worth the pain." He groans and grabs his jaw.

"You deserve it, fucking idiot." I glare at him and go to my freezer, taking out ice for him.

"And why's that?" He asks, taking a seat.

"You make me fucking pissed." I admit and hand him the ice.

"Well thanks for telling me how you feel, other than saying you're fine. That felt good didn't it?" He still manages a smile.

I don't answer but sit across from him and rub my hands over my face. I hear whining and look down to see Beau by my feet. He always knew when I needed him, he was originally a service dog but I don't need all of that.

He knows when I'm fucking anxious and tired or upset, he strides over to me right away and will lick me. I'd find that disgusting but for him, it was comforting. I scratch him behind his ears like he liked.

"I took off my shoes last time and I couldn't find them when I was about to leave, next thing I know Beau's fucking chewing on them. You owe me new shoes." Duke complains and I praise Beau for that.

He liked messing with him, but he's was nice to everyone else.

"Are you just gonna stay home all day." Duke asks, I look away from Beau and let him go back to where he was before.

"Maybe" I didn't have any plans and I didn't want to go to work, it's not like I had to. I owned the shop but I liked coming in from time to time.

"I gotta go meet up with a friend, will you be fine by yourself?" He asks, treating me like a sensitive person.

"I'm fucking fine." I roll my eyes at how many times he'll ask me that.

"Alright then, if you need me just call me. I hope you feel better and more relaxed. I'll see you " He gets up and starts to leave.

I'm alone again in my house which is a good thing in one way but I never liked being alone. I experienced loneliness and being by myself while growing up, but I never liked it.

I take my phone and go into my room. I read Thalias message from earlier, just now seeing it.

Aw, tell him I'll buy him two boxes of Lucky Charms, one for him and the other for me

She better buy me a whole box, that's the only cereal I'll eat. I didn't want to be an asshole and tell her to refrain from eating.

I put my phone away and sit on the desk by the window. I had a journal I'd write in, mostly everyday or when I had something I needed to say but didn't have anyone to tell.

I grew up in a household where the adults had the higher power and taught their children to speak when spoken to, they preached honor for adults and made their kids learn to keep their emotions in. That alone was a traumatic time in my life and probably the reason why I am how I am today.

I'll always hate them for it. I had to learn to grow up fast.

I wrote down anything that came to mind and surprised myself to write about Thalia. I don't know how I ended up on her but I did. I wrote about how I like the way she so freely speaks, she doesn't hold back and for someone I'd find annoying, I don't mind listening to her.

She brought me comfort, right away. I'd never experienced such comfort from one person that quickly, but I liked the feeling of having her around me.

It was a feeling other than fucking sadness or loneliness, possibly a positive feeling.

I liked when she talked to me and when she laughed. I don't think that people can care about someone like me because of how disturbing I think I am in the inside. I hate talking with people or talking at all.

But with her, I'd want to say the things I never had the chance to.

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A/N

Finally a Heath pov, honestly I was a little hesitant in writing this because I was scared that I wouldn't like how I wrote him and his thoughts. Since he is a character with lots of trauma and he's quiet. But it turned out okay (I hope) 👍🏻

Thank you for reading 🙏🏼💕

7/12/22