I asked her to stay tonight and she did. Without hesitation, without any doubt, without any contemplation. We were currently lying in bed in silence, sort of just staring at each other.

She raised her eyebrows at me, pulling her hand out of my hair. "What are you thinking about?" she whispered, scooting closer to me.

"You," I answered.

I was thinking about her, and how great she is, and how she deserves to be loved, and how I'm a coward because I can't admit it to her or myself that I do. I love her. I just don't have it in me to admit it, to say it out loud, to tell her. And another thing I don't have is time. The clock is ticking, summer is one day closer to its end every day. If she decides not to go, then...

"What about me?" she grinned, her thumb brushing across my cheek.

"About how amazing you are," I mumbled, putting my arms around her.

"Why do you think I'm amazing?" she chuckled.

"Because when my dad asked you what you wanted to be, you said you wanted to be happy. That's the perfect answer, one that is absolutely right too, yet for some reason, people don't think of it," I explained. Her answer told me everything I needed to know about her. It made me fall even more in love with her, and even more terrified to admit it because...

What if I can't make her happy?

My god, am I a coward.

"I think about you all the time," I mumbled.

"I think about you all the time too," she smiled sweetly and it warmed me inside out. "I think about loving you, Noah," she mumbled.

"You're probably growing impatient," I groaned, covering my face.

"No," she said, pulling my hands away, "Not impatient. It's just reminding me how much it means when someone says those words to you. I don't think we're grateful enough for the people who love us. And when the one person we want to doesn't, it just..." she trailed off.

"Hurts?" I asked knowingly.

She nodded slowly, "It hurts. But if they will love you, if they do at the end, isn't it worth it?"

I hesitated, "And if they don't?"

"Then that was a waste of your time but you live and you learn. You'll find the right person eventually," she shrugged.

"What do you think?" I whispered.

"I think I already found mine," she grinned, kissing me softly, gently, tenderly. It sent a flurry of butterflies into my stomach and I've never felt butterflies for a girl before her.

Coward.

She. She is everything. Everything I've ever wanted but not known where to look for it. Now that I have it, I don't know how to act, what to do, what to say, and I'm horrified at the thought of messing this up. I just pray I don't.

"Bella," I mumbled.

"Hmm?" she asked.

"I really want you. More each day," I said.

"I'm all yours when you gain the courage to admit it, Noah," she whispered.

"Admit what?" I asked, swallowing.

"That you like me a little more than you want to. A little more than you can say," she smirked. She's not saying it. She's not using the word 'love' because she knows. She knows I'm a coward.

Coward.

"You deserve to hear it, I'm sorry I can't say it to you," I mumbled.

"I'm not sorry," she said, brushing my hair out my eyes, "I can take not hearing you say it, but I can't take not have you at all," she replied.

"Even if I never say it?" I whispered. It's inevitable, I'll crack at some point, possibly when it's too late, but I'll tell her.

"I won't lie and say it won't hurt, it will. But I can take it, I think," she mumbled the last bit under her breath.

"Can you really?" Because she most certainly shouldn't have to, she doesn't deserve that.

"I hope so," she sighed. We fell into silence after that. "So, do you think your parents like me?" she asked, forcing a small smile onto her face.

"I think my mom loved you and I think you know that," I chuckled, "And I think my dad liked you more than he wants to admit."

"Why wouldn't he want to admit it?" she asked, quizzically.

"Because I've never brought a girl home before and he's always liked it that way. With me focused on my future, my school, education, career. He sort of has that mindset: Love is a distraction."

Her eyebrows furrowed, "It is a distraction though, one that nobody minds," she gave me a small smile.

"I most certainly wouldn't mind it," I said, shifting closer to her, "I wouldn't have minded it in high school, I don't mind it right now, I wouldn't mind it in college," I mumbled.

"You think you could last four years, only seeing me one to two weeks a month give or take?" She arched an eyebrow at me. "That's only forty-eight months without me, you'll survive," she grinned, "Out of which you can see me on and off," she shrugged.

"That's forty-eight months without you," I said, the reality hitting me harder now. "Without seeing you, without seeing my girlfriend," I whispered.

Without seeing the girl I'll love.

Can I really do that? I don't think I have it in me to do that, especially for so long.

"You can do it if you try," she said encouragingly.

"Can I?" I scoffed, "I doubt it."

"I don't. You can do anything if you really try to, Noah. Have that much faith in yourself. I do," she smiled.

I don't know if I want to have faith in myself for something like that. I don't want to want that. I don't want to stay away from her or even will myself to do it. I want her, that's all I want. "My parents are going out tomorrow night, one of my dad's co-workers is hosting an engagement party," I said.

"Confusion," she replied, her lips in a soft pout, her eyebrows furrowing slightly.

"Come over tomorrow, okay?" I chuckled.

"Oh?" She raised her eyebrows, smiling knowingly. I'm done waiting. I can't tell her I love her right now, but I can most certainly show her. Well, not right because my parents are home and asleep. But tomorrow.

"Oh," I nodded, "Come over tomorrow, stay the night," I said, tightening my grip around her waist.

"Why?" she asked, teasing me.

"Because there's something I want to do," I smirked.

"And what's that?" She arched an eyebrow at me sharply.

"You know," I nodded.

"No, I don't," she said, acting innocent.

"You definitely know," I said, pressing kisses down her jaw and neck.

"That's not something you plan, Noah, you leave it up to the moment," she chuckled.

"If we leave it up to the moment, we'll get caught tonight," I mumbled into her skin.

"Fair enough," she agreed, "Not tomorrow though," she said.

"Why?" I looked up at her, "Are you on your period?"

"No," she shook her head, laughing, "How about this. If we get there tomorrow, then tomorrow it shall be. If we don't..." she trailed off.

"Then we don't. Fair deal?"

She nodded, "Fair deal." She cleared her throat, "I have a question for you."

"Shoot," I said without hesitation.

"What if I fall in love with you first? Can you take it if I tell you that?"

Her question caught me off guard, no doubt. If she told me she loved me, what would I do? If she told me she loved me right now, what would I do?

"If I told you right now," she hesitated, "What would you do?"

I chuckled awkwardly, "I was actually just asking myself that. I uh- I don't quite have an answer to that. I'm sorry, I wish I did."

She shook her head, "That's okay. That's not something you can quite control. I just want you to know in case I say it first, I don't expect you to say it first, hmm? I don't expect you to say it first, or say it back, I just expect you or well- I don't want you to get mad at me. You won't, will you?"

"Why would I get mad, baby?"

She smiled at the nickname. "I just hope it doesn't hold you back. I'd hate to be the one doing that. I'd anyone who did that. You want to go to college, Noah. I want you to go if you want to. I want you to do good, I want you to have fun, learn the things you want, you deserve that. To do the things you genuinely want to. And hypothetically, if me telling you that I love you, hypothetically, holds you back, hypothetically, then I wouldn't do it. Hypothetically," she said, closing her eyes and cringing at her choice of words.

"Well, hypothetically, babe," I laughed, "It wouldn't hold me back," I said, tucking her hair behind her ear.

It would break me.

But I didn't tell her that. If I told her, she wouldn't tell me about the love she feels for me, and even if it breaks me, knowing that she loves me but I have to leave her, if I do, hypothetically, I would want to know.

If she loves me, I would definitely want to know.

That makes me think. If I love her, wouldn't she want to know?

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