I sat there, very confused. I kind of knew what this was about but it wasn't making any sense to me yet. We've still got this summer to spend, why is he so desperate to know about whether I'm really going to college or not? And more importantly, why isn't he just asking me?

I hopped off the counter and let my hair down before heading over to the couch in the living room and sitting down.

Should I eavesdrop?

No, I should not.

But that doesn't mean I won't.

I stood up and headed over to the backyard, stopping at the entrance. I stood against the wall, leaning my head back, wincing at what I was doing. I shook my head clear of thoughts and headed back. I am not going to eavesdrop.

Oh, but you want to.

Yes, but I won't. I groaned, running upstairs and to my room, closing the door behind me. I need to find something to do, something to keep my mind off whatever is going on downstairs. I huffed, walking over to my bookshelves, thinking I'd grab a book. I skimmed through, deciding to grab my copy of Turtles All The Way Down but when I pulled it out of its place, an envelope fell out with it.

I stared down at it, my heart rate picking up.

Is it the letter?

I put the book back and picked up the letter, looking at the front.

For the tough times...

I pulled the envelope open and pulled out the letter that I had read numerous times over the past two-three years. It's not like the whole letter was surrounding my relationship, I had other stuff going on as well, but every time I would read this stupid letter, I would be reminded of what a shitty boyfriend, shitty relationship, and shitty two years I had with him.

I didn't want to read it, not again. In fact, this time, I wanted to burn it.

I groaned, crumpling it up and tossing it in the trash can, missing it completely. I went into the bathroom where I brushed and then threw my hair up in a high ponytail. By the time I walked out, Noah was standing there, leaning against the closed door, staring at the crumpled ball of paper and the empty envelope sitting on my desk. I dashed over to the paper on the floor and threw it in the trash, turning to him.

Real smooth, Bella.

"Why are you throwing that?" he asked, walking over slowly.

"I don't want to read it again and again," I mumbled, throwing the envelope with it.

"You don't have to keep reading it though, right? I mean, it's just a reminder of how strong you were, you-"

"It's just a reminder of what I went through," I cut him off.

"And how strong you were. I don't think you should throw it away, but it's up to you, okay?" I nodded in response, leaning against the desk, sighing. "Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Are you even going to Berkeley?" he asked, catching me off guard. I looked up at him slightly shell shocked.

"I- I don't know, I told you that," I stuttered.

"Yeah, but you didn't tell me that you really don't want to go at all. You just said you weren't sure," he replied.

"I'm not," I shrugged.

"So, you might still be going?"

"I don't- I have to think about it," I huffed.

"Okay," he nodded.

"Okay?" I asked in confusion.

"It's okay, just tell me when you know, please?"

"Yeah," I nodded. We fell into silence. "Why'd you ask my dad and not me?" I asked.

He exhaled, walking over to me, "Because I knew you weren't going to tell me the truth," he said, his hands going on the table from either side of me.

"I could have," I mumbled.

No, I couldn't have.

"Liar," he said.

I looked down at the floor, my thumbs twiddling. Truth be told, I'm just not there yet. We're moving fast, I don't have a problem with that, I'm okay with that, I'm just not okay with revealing everything about me so quickly and pouring myself out to him and being an open book. I can't tell people everything so easily, I'm closed off like that.

He kissed the top of my head a few times before resting his chin on it, staring out the window behind me.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled.

"Why are you sorry?" he asked, looking down, I could feel his eyes on me.

"I should be able to tell you," I shrugged.

"Do you have any idea how quickly we're progressing? How quickly everything happened? You don't have to tell anyone anything. Not even me," he explained.

"But still," I clicked my tongue.

"Bella," he sighed, "Look at me." I lifted my head up, my eyes locking with his. "I really couldn't care less. You tell me when you're ready, that's the point, right? You wouldn't pressure me into telling you something, would you?" I shook my head as an answer. "Then why would I?"

"That's not fair though, is it? Aren't we supposed to tell each other everything?"

"We're not supposed to do anything. We do what we want," he shrugged, "Look, truth be told, the reality, is that everything isn't going to go our way, obviously. We'll always have to choose. Between one thing and another. You understand business so let me say it this way..."

I chuckled and he cracked a smile.

"There will always be an opportunity cost. What that is will be your choice, but there's always a choice that you have to make. That's what it is. You can choose to tell me, or you can choose not to tell me. It doesn't matter, you'll choose to tell me when you're ready," he shrugged, "Okay?" he chuckled.

"You're really okay with that? Me being so... closed off and not telling you much?"

He nodded in response. "I'm okay with that."

What if he's okay with it because he doesn't really want to know me? What if he's only looking for...

"I do want to know you, Bella. I just want it to be when you're ready for it to happen."

Can he read my mind?

"Just your face," he whispers with a smile, leaning in.

"I'm thinking out loud, aren't I?" I mumbled, his lips brushing against mine.

"You most certainly are," he smirked before his lips met mine. I felt a fire set off inside me. I'd do anything to have him kiss me like this over and over again.

You'd go to Berkeley for him, wouldn't you?

I probably would... let's not talk about it.

He grabbed me and hoisted me up onto my desk, standing between my legs, my knees at his waist. I put my arms around his neck, pulling him closer, my fingers wandering off into his hair, tugging at the back.

He let out a soft groan, jumping back when my door swung open. I rocked my legs back and forth, acting like we were just talking while he stood there, looking disheveled as fuck. His hair was a mess, his shirt rode up, his lips were swollen red, I probably looked a mess too then.

"My God, you two are horrible at making it look like nothing was going on. Bella, I'm taking your mom out shopping today, have fun, and uh- use protection," my dad said before waving us bye and leaving.

I closed my eyes shut tightly, wincing, and cringing at what just happened. He laughed, walking back over to me and grabbing the back of my neck with both his hands, resting his forehead against mine. He bit his lower lip, biting back a smile and I felt a desperate urge to kiss him, but I bit down on it.

"I really want you," he mumbled, trailing kisses down my jaw and neck.

"Can you tell me you love me yet?" I whispered breathlessly.

"I'm sorry, not yet," he said against my neck.

"No problem, take your time. I'll see how long you can wait," I chuckled.

"I don't like it when you tease," he spoke into my skin.

"Liar," I laughed, pulling his lips back up to mine. I put my hands on his chest, letting them wander around, grabbing his shirt in fists while my legs went around his torso, pulling him even closer.

He picked me up and lay me down on the bed while we heard the front door close. He pulled away and looked down at me. "I'm second-guessing my decision to wait until I can say it," he grunted.

"I'm not. I want you to love me," I shrugged.

"Actions speak louder than words," he smirked.

"But the words matter," I whispered, pulling his lips back down to mine. He smiled against my lips and I bit back my own. "How far can we go?" I mumbled.

"No limits," he chuckled.

"There are loads of limits as per your suggestion," I whispered.

He clicked his tongue, looking at me, pulling away to do so. "Don't make me regret it," he huffed.

"I don't want you to regret it," I shook my head. He smiled, kissing my neck. I arched my back, leaning up to his ear. "Yet," I whispered. He glowered at me while I laughed, throwing my head back on the pillow. He kissed me swiftly and um, that shut me up real quick.

"Can I just say it?" he panted.

"I want you to mean it. Don't say it, Noah. Not yet."

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