Camryn

"Okay, here we are!" Derek grinned as he wheeled me into the apartment from the elevator. I was fine to walk, and had been cleared by everyone at the hospital, but Derek was being insistent.

Riley fanned her arm across the room. "Ta-da!" The entire living room was full of balloons and a great big sign that they had decorated.

"Wow! It's amazing!" I said, standing up. Derek took my hand to steady me. "You guys didn't need to do all of this!"

"We wanted to surprise you!" Riley jumped up and down. "Do you like it?"

"I love it!" I assured her.

"Good, because I nearly passed out ten times blowing air into these balloons." Derek smirked, kissing my cheek. "It's so good to have you home."

"It feels so good to be back here." I let out a sigh of relief. So much had happened in the days since I had last left this apartment. I had been to hell and back, we all had, but now I felt lighter than I had in years. We weren't looking over our shoulders anymore, and we would never have to again. We wouldn't be cooped up here, afraid to leave the house, but able to come and go as we pleased, like a real home.

"What sounds good for dinner?" Derek asked, setting the bags down by the door.

"NOT grilled cheese again." Riley eyed Derek carefully. "We had that for three days!"

Derek burst out laughing. "Okay, my cooking skills leave a little to be desired. How about takeout?"

"I can make something." I offered. I had gotten so much of my strength back the last few days and was really feeling like myself again. The last three days, I'd been working with the nurses to get stronger so I could come home, and it was so nice to finally feel good again.

"Absolutely not." Derek shook his head. "You need to go sit down."

"I've been sitting and laying down for three days." I rolled my eyes.

"Just humor me, okay? I want to take care of you." He gave me a goofy grin. I wanted to tell him I could take care of myself, but I bit my tongue. Derek liked taking care of other people, and it was cute how much he was trying to do to make me comfortable. "Why don't you and Riley put a movie on and I'll order some Chinese?"

"Chinese sounds great." I agreed.

"Don't forget the cookies!" Riley called over her shoulder, already in the living room searching through the menus for a movie.

I joined her and a few minutes later, Derek came in.

"Alright, dinner will be here soon. Do you need anything?" He asked.

I reached for his hand and pulled him down towards the couch. "The only thing I need is for you to sit down."

"Okay." He chuckled, settling in next to me and wrapping his arm around my shoulder.

Riley picked a Despicable Me movie, and we ate our dinner together in the living room. Nothing could have felt more perfect. It was everything I wanted, but I couldn't shake the sinking feeling inside of me. Even with Robby gone, I couldn't help but feel like it was all about to come crashing down.

When our movie was over, Derek started a bubble bath for me and then put Riley to bed. He really was incredible, slipping right in to a fatherly role. It warmed my heart and broke it all at the same time. I couldn't help but cry as I sat in the water, thinking about our future. I had felt so sure about everything just a few days ago, and now I felt like everything was on shaky ground.

Cole's news was a blow I wasn't expecting and sooner or later, I was going to have to tell Derek. The idea of that terrified me. I knew he'd be supportive and kind, and that almost made it worse. I wouldn't ever be able to give him everything he wanted, and someday, I was sure he'd grow to resent that.

"Cam?" Derek knocked on the door, but didn't wait for an answer before coming inside. "I heard crying—is everything okay?"

I wiped away at my tears, but it really was no use. I couldn't avoid this any longer.

"Hey..." Derek sat on the edge of the tub, reaching for my hand. "What's wrong, babe? Whatever is on your mind, maybe I can help."

I shook my head. "I don't think you can fix it this time."

"Will you tell me about it?" He asked desperately.

I nodded.

"Let's go talk in the bedroom." Derek reached for my robe and handed it to me before heading into the bedroom. Once I dried off, I followed him.

He looked absolutely terrified sitting on the edge of the bed. His hands were clasped together, and he looked up like a deer in headlights when I came out. I was sure his mind was swirling with possibilities. "What's going on, Cam?"

As I sat next to him, I swallowed the lump in my throat. I reached for his hand. "I just... I'm not even sure where to start."

"Whatever it is, Cam, I promise we'll figure it out. I know you're hurting and a lot of it I can't understand, but..."

I shook my head. "Derek, please stop. Please stop being so nice about all of this."

He just stared back at me, trying to figure out what was going on. I sucked in a sharp breath, preparing myself.

"Derek, I love you. And I can never tell you how thankful I am for what you've done for Riley and I. But you deserve to have everything you want in life, and I don't think I can give you that."

"Camryn, what are you talking about? You and Riley are everything I want in life. You're what I want. Forever."

"I know, but I know you want a big family and... that's just not going to be in the cards for me."

"What do you mean?" He pressed.

"I... Robby..." I couldn't even get the words out. There was so much I wanted to say, but I none of it was making sense in my head. "Cole doesn't think I can have anymore kids." I finally blurted out, unable to stop the tears from falling any longer.

Derek

I felt sick the second the words were out of Camryn's mouth. Not because it was a deal breaker for me, but because of the way Robby continued to violate her, even after his death. That bastard had hurt her in the most unimaginable ways, and here we were again.

"Cam, I don't even know what to say..." I was completely speechless, knowing how this must be killing her.

"I'm sorry." She shook her head. "I would give anything to make you a father, but..."

"Camryn, stop." I cut her off. "This isn't about me. I love your little girl like she was my very own and I don't need a biological child to make me a father. I am a father. It doesn't matter to me."

"But it matters to me." She sobbed, falling into my chest. I absolutely hated seeing her this way. I couldn't believe I was actually saying this, but I wished Robby was still alive just so I could kill him again.

"I know." I stroked her hair. "And I'm so sorry. But please don't think it makes any difference to me."

"But you deserve more than that. You're already so good with Riley."

"And if Riley is the only child we ever have, I am 100% completely happy with that. What I care about is you, and how you're hurting and how I can help that."

She stopped for a second, attempting to catch her breath. We sat in silence for a few minutes before I finally spoke.

"Did he make you have sex with him?"

Cam's eyes glassed over, and she nodded.

"You don't have to, but if you want to talk about it, we can."

She paused for a minute, seeming to compose herself. Her face was flat, almost void of all emotion as she spoke.

"It wasn't as bad as sometimes in the past."

I wanted to throw up. It wasn't as bad. The fact that she was even having that thought, or had multiple times to compare it to, was heart wrenching. She deserved to be loved and cherished and taken care of and she'd never gotten a single second of that with that bastard. He had no idea what he had in his hands and he's treated her like an animal. Worse than an animal. She was right. There was no way for me to fix any of this, and I'd never felt so fucking hopeless in all my life.

"I didn't even fight back." She continued. "I was so scared for Riley I just laid there and let him do whatever he wanted because I figured it bought her some time. The more he was focused on me, the less he'd be concerned with her."

I wanted her to continue, but it was painful to listen to. I couldn't even imagine experiencing it. She was so damn brave, and she had no idea.

"All the times before, I'd fight him and sometimes he'd just give up. I couldn't bear the thought of that happening and then him going after her, so I just let him. I just laid there and let him."

"Camryn, just because you didn't fight back, it doesn't change anything. He raped you. Your reaction doesn't give him any kind of pass or make him less disgusting. And it's okay to be hurt and angry and however else you're feeling about it. None of that discredits what you went through."

She nodded. "I know. I just can't help but wonder if I had stopped him if things would be different."

"It doesn't do any good to wonder about those things, Cam. You did everything you could to save Riley. She's alive because of you. She's alive because you sacrificed everything you possibly could for her. Like you always have. If you could still have kids, but you lost her, it wouldn't be worth it. You did what you had to do."

"Thank you. I know I did and I know it probably wouldn't change things. Cole thinks it was from a long time ago. Whatever damaged he caused." She continued. "I didn't really listen to the details after he told me."

"Okay." I nodded. "Well, we can see a specialist. If that's what you want, we can do whatever we have to do. But I am happy either way."

She sighed heavily. "Do you think there will ever be a day in my life that Robby doesn't ruin? Even now that he's dead?"

"I do." I wrapped my arms around her. "I think someday this will all be a distant memory and we won't even think about him anymore."

"I hope you're right." Cam laid her head on my chest and we snuggled together on the bed. Pretty son, her breathing evened out, and I knew she was sleeping.

There were a million things I wanted to say to her, but right now, she needed her rest. I knew how hard it was for her to open up that way, and I was so glad she did. As painful as it was to hear, I needed to know what she went through, and now that I did, I would spend the rest of my life trying to build her back up. Trying to get her to a point where Robby didn't ruin every good moment. Where she was finally free and finally happy and finally rid of that bastard for good.