Derek

After dinner was over, Will headed to his shift of guarding Jason, and Riley had practically fallen into bed after her afternoon adventures with her mom. She refused to go to sleep, though, until we promised her she could take me back to the same spot tomorrow, hoping to see the same moose pair. Her love for this place was incredible, and I enjoyed every second of sharing it with them. I knew it wasn't practical, but I was imagining what it would be like for the three of us to stay here together and build our own life.

Cam was a little touchy tonight, and I was sure it had to do with the fact that I'd told her I loved her. It caught her off guard—hell, it caught me off guard—but I meant it.

I didn't expect her to say it back, and honestly, I didn't expect for her to take it so seriously. To me, it was just a fact. It didn't have to mean anything, or change anything about our relationship. In her mind, though, it did, and I knew I needed to clarify before she got herself so twisted up about it.

"Is something bothering you?" I tried to hide my smile as I watched her viciously scrub the counter for the third time in the last ten minutes.

She looked up innocently as if she was going to brush it off, but then let out a heavy sigh. "I guess we should probably talk about it."

"By it, do you mean me telling you I love you?" I took her hand.

"Yeah that." She smiled nervously. "And what it means."

I let out a sharp laugh. "Cam, it doesn't mean anything besides just that. I love you. I'm not asking you to marry me, I'm not asking you to spend the rest of your life with me, I'm not even asking you to say it back. I want you to always know where I stand with things, and that was the only reason I told you. I know you're not there yet, and I know you might not be there for a while, or ever. That doesn't mean I don't want you to know where I'm at. I want you to feel safe and secure with me, and with our relationship. I didn't mean to scare you or make you feel uncomfortable."

Camryn was terrible at hiding her emotions. She wiped away a few errant tears on her cheek and looked away.

"I'm sorry. What can I do to make it better? Should I say I don't love you? How did Riley put it? That I just like you a lot?" I back tracked, worried I had gone too far. It didn't carry as much to me as it clearly did to her. It wasn't like it was a slip of the tongue, though. I fully meant it, but now I was second guessing saying it outlaid to her.

Cam shook her head. "I don't mean to make this so weird. It just brought up a lot of feelings in me when you said it today and I've been trying to process through it all."

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

She hesitated for a second, and I waited for her response. "Whatever it is, Cam, I can handle it. If you don't feel the same way..."

"It's not that." She stopped me quickly. "I just... I've only ever told one other person in my entire life that I loved them, besides my family. Robby was it for me and I'm realizing that none of that was real. I thought I loved Robby, and I thought he loved me, but his love was just manipulation. Every kind word or gift or nice thing he did for me was to manipulate me. And I feel so stupid for not recognizing that."

"Robby's a master manipulator, Cam. You can't blame yourself for falling for it."

"But I do." She protested. "And it makes me wonder if I even know what love is anymore or if I'm capable of it. I mean, we've been having sex for days, but I can't tell you I love you? That seems backwards, doesn't it?"

I had never even considered the emotions this might stir up in her, and my heart ached for what she was going through. I hated Robby enough as it was, but to see her sit here and doubt her own capability of love was too much. Camryn was one of the most loving and gentle people I had ever met, and it was disgusting the way he had wormed his way into her mind.

"Camryn, you are more capable and more deserving of a real and true love than anyone I have ever met. I am so sorry that you feel the way you do, and I am going to do everything I can to change your mind." I squeezed her hand.

"Derek," she bit her lip and shook her head. "You deserve someone who isn't so damaged. Someone who can love you better than I can. What if I can't get to that point? What if I'm ruined beyond repair?"

"Let me be every clear about something. If you're not ready to say those words to me for the next thirty years, I don't care. It doesn't change how I feel and I will never be ashamed for anyone to know my feelings for you. I know your heart, and that's what matters to me, not some shallow words people throw around. And you are not ruined. This was a small chapter of your life, not the whole thing. You're way too strong to let your life be defined by one wrong choice to marry Robby Hastings."

She covered her face in her hands. "I just want to forget all about him. I don't want to keep coming back to this. I hate that he's still ruining things for me."

"He won't ruin this, Cam. You and I will not let that happen, okay?" I kissed her gently. "I love you. I love every piece of you. Even the broken and the lost pieces that you're trying to find again."

"I want to love you, too." She cried, tears streaming down her face.

"And that's good enough for me right now." I gave her a gentle smile. "You have to figure out how to love yourself before you can love someone else, Cam. And I'm looking forward to helping you figure out how to do that again."

"How are you even real?" Cam blushed sheepishly. "No one has ever talked to me the way you do."

"Well, Robby set the bar pretty damn low." I chuckled. "But I'm happy to be the one to change that. Just promise me you'll be open with me. I know this is a lot, and if I ever make you feel uncomfortable or something feels too much, tell me. You're in control here; I'm just along for the ride."

"I'll do my best." She smiled, wiping her remaining tears away and nestling into my shoulder. "I really appreciate you being so patient with me. I hope I won't always be like this."

"I know you won't." I kissed the top of her head. "But you don't have to rush to change that for me. Work through what you need to, and I'll be right here to help when you're ready."

"Thank you."

Cam and I found some stupid show to put on the TV and we sat on the couch for a little longer until she drifted off to sleep in my arms. I never could have imagined I would get so much enjoyment out of just holding a woman in my arms. She was perfect in every way, and I hated she couldn't see it.

Soon, I'd have to tell her about Robby and the guns and everything else that was happening, but right now, we were peaceful and content and I didn't care if we ever left this couch.

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***If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence of any kind, please reach out to someone in your community. In the US, that number is 1-800-799-7233**