Camryn

"I'm bored." Riley groaned, resting her head on her fist.

This was about the third time we'd had this conversation this morning. Normally she was completely content here, but now that I'd said we couldn't go anywhere, it was as if I was torturing her.

"Why don't you read some more about the Volcanos?" I suggested.

"I finished that last night, mom. I need a new one." She huffed, irritated I would even suggest such a thing.

"You could go play on the swing set? Or draw with side walk chalk? Or we could..."

"All of those are boring." She rolled her eyes. "I want to go into town."

I had to laugh. "Do you even realize what that means?"

"Well, it's where Derek and Will are. I bet they're having fun."

I didn't know what they were actually doing, but I was willing to bet it wasn't all that much fun. Derek didn't look thrilled when he left here, and he was probably having to deal with the mess I'd left him after calling my dad yesterday.

I wish I could say I regretted it, but I didn't. The relief and joy in my dad's voice was worth every second. I could only hope there wouldn't be any ramifications of it—for him or for us. I promised him that once things were safe, we'd come visit, and I prayed that day was soon.

"Okay." I sighed, putting my book away, resigning myself to the fact I wasn't going to get anymore reading in today. "I saw some kayaks down by the water. How does that sound?"

Riley eyed me carefully. "You don't know how to drive a kayak."

"First of all, you don't 'drive' a kayak. You paddle. And second of all, I know how. Whenever I was your age, my mom taught me. And it was on the ocean, so it was much harder." Was she seriously so old she always was thinking I wasn't cool anymore? Ugh, I couldn't bear it.

"You don't have a mom." She scrunched her nose up at me.

"Of course I do! Every body has a mom, silly goose."

"Well, why haven't I met her?" Riley questioned. Damn, she was tough this morning, not letting up at all.

"Because she lived a long way away from us." I said gently, letting my mind wander. "She died before you were born, but she would have loved you."

"Do you have a dad, too?" She was curious now.

I nodded. "Hopefully someday soon you can meet him."

"Can I meet Derek's mom and dad?" She pressed.

"Well, that would be up to him. Now let's go!"

I got up, wanting to end this entire conversation as fast as I could. I was emotional about her bringing up my own parents and then completely overwhelmed with the idea of us meeting Derek's. There were so many layers to this. Did they know about Robby? Did they know what he was doing from me? Had he even told them about me?

My mind was swirling. Of course, Cole would know, but he said he had a pretty big family. Cole even mentioned to me he had two little girls. The prospect of Riley having cousins her age to play with made my heart flutter, but I reined myself back in. Derek and I were still so fresh, it was way too soon to be thinking about any of that.

I made us a few sandwiches for a picnic and packed a small bag. Riley followed me down to the shore and put on the life jacket I gave her and one on myself before pulling the kayak into the water. I got her situated and then jumped on myself. I paddled hard, and we were quickly on our way.

"Where are we going to go, mama?" Her head was on a swivel, watching everything around us. She'd really never been out on a lake. We'd been on her grandparents' yacht, but this was much different, and she was loving every second.

"We'll just go up here a little way." I smiled, feeling a sense of freedom and relief that was so foreign to me. In the past I never would have been able to take off on an adventure like this with her and not be constantly worried about how clean I'd left the house or how quickly I needed to get back so I could start dinner. We had no plan and no time limit and it was the most beautiful day.

"This is so cool, mommy!" She was grinning ear to ear, sitting up in the front as proud as could be.

"It is, isn't it?" I agreed, continuing to paddle. The lake looked so big I was sure we'd never run out of space.

Riley talked about all the creatures we might see on our journey and the whole time I was fighting back my tears. I'd always dreamed of a life like this and getting to experience it was almost too much. I was blissfully happy, but part of me was waiting for the other shoe to drop. It couldn't always be this good. Something would happen, would stand in the way. I tried desperately to get past that doomsday point of view, and even with it at the back of my mind, it was heavy.

We found a little cleaning to pull off and have lunch. Riley spread out the little blanket I brought and we head our sandwiches.

"Can we bring Derek back here later?" She asked, shoving her peanut butter and jelly into her mouth.

"Sure! I think he'd like that."

"Mama, is Derek going to stay with us? Even when we go back home?"

I hesitated, trying to figure out the best way to word all of this. "Riley, remember when I told you and I were going away? And we wouldn't be going back for a while?"

She nodded.

"Well, what I meant to say was that we won't go home at all. We're going to find a new place that's home. And we'll find you a new school and a new dance teacher and we'll make new friends."

"But not with daddy?" She tilted her head to the side.

"No, baby. Not with daddy." I shook my head. "Mommy and daddy aren't going to be together anymore. We won't see daddy again."

Riley was quiet for a second. "Will he miss us?"

"Maybe." I shrugged. "But daddy wasn't always nice to us and I want you to always remember that you don't have to stay or be friends with someone who isn't nice to you."

Riley smiled. "I know, mama. Sometimes daddy wasn't nice, and he yelled a lot. I like it a lot better at Derek's."

I let out a sharp laugh. You have no idea, little one. "I do, too."

"Can our new home be Derek's house?" She asked.

"I don't know, Riley." I squeezed her hand. "It might be. But it might be somewhere else. Would you like it if it was?"

She nodded wildly. "I love it here. And I love Derek. And he loves us."

"Oh, you think so?" I laughed, rubbing a little jelly off of her lip.

"Yep!" She grinned. "That's what it means when you kiss, right?"

My eyes widened. "Umm..."

"Like when he kissed you in the kitchen. That means he loves you."

Apparently, I wasn't nearly as good at hiding things from my daughter as I thought. I couldn't help but laugh. She was way smarter than I gave her credit for. It was kind of terrifying.

"Sort of. It means you like each other a lot."

"Which is basically love."

"Sure." I laughed. I wasn't going to get anywhere with this.

Riley and I finished up lunch and got back in the kayak. We were about halfway back when I saw a mother and baby moose come up to the edge of the water to get a drink.

"Riley, look." I whispered, careful not to disturb them.

"Oh, my gosh mommy!" She clapped her hands together excitedly.

The moose looked up for a second but must have known we weren't a threat, and went right back to drinking.

We drifted by, watching from a safe distance, until they turned and headed back into the woods.

"This is the best placer ever!" Riley let out an exasperated shriek. She'd been trying to be so quiet, but her excitement was just too hard to contain.

I paddled us back the rest of the way and when we got to where we could see the dock, Derek was standing at the end of it, waving his arms in the air wildly.

"He's so goofy, mommy." Riley laughed. "Paddle faster!"

I rowed as fast as I could and once we reached the dock, Derek helped Riley out and then me. He pulled the kayak out of the water and onto the dock.

"You two look like you had a good time." He grinned, giving my hand a tight squeeze.

"We sure did." I smiled, standing on my tiptoes and giving him a quick kiss. I hoped he got the hint that I had talked to Riley. By the look on his face, he certainly did, and he slipped his arm around me.

"It was SO cool!" Riley beamed. "We went in the water and mommy drove us the whole time! She's so strong. And then we ate lunch, and we saw a moose and her baby and they were so cute and they weren't scary at all! Also, can you tell mommy you love us, not just like us a lot?" She looked up at him curiously.

"Riley!" I covered my eyes with my hand.

Derek burst out laughing. "It sounds like it was quite a kayak trip. Why don't we go inside and you can tell me and Will all about it? He's making some burgers for us right now!"

"Okay!" Riley took off, completely forgetting that he hadn't answered her question.

"I'm sorry." I laughed, shaking my head. "I obviously talked to her, and I guess she saw us kissing the other day. I need to start being more careful. She's quite the stealthy little thing."

"Are you kidding? You have nothing to be sorry about. I'm glad it went well. And for the record..." He put his finger to my chin and tilted it up slowly. His eyes locked with mine and he held my stare for a few seconds before pressing his lips to mine. "She's right. I don't just like you a lot. I love you. Both of you."

His response caught me completely off guard. "You what?"

"And it's totally okay if you're not there yet. We have a lot to learn about each other still. I just want you to know how I feel. Come on, I'm starving." He shrugged nonchalantly and took my hand, leading me up the hill as if he hadn't just dropped the "L" word on me.

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***If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence of any kind, please reach out to someone in your community. In the US, that number is 1-800-799-7233**