Mommy, I'm sorry I'm not the daughter you want me to be... I fail you a lot, and I hope one day you see that I tried my best. I love you, Mommy.

Vivian

~

My father begins explaining everything about the mission to Serena and I, and I make sure I listen attentively; wanting to understand everything this time.

The excitement I feel is beyond me. I will finally get to go on an important mission, without my father making me feel like a child.

Being an only child is sometimes exhausting, especially when you have overprotective parents.

I do love the attention they give me, and I also love how protective they are of me.

But sometimes their protectiveness suffocates me. The two don’t even let me go out alone; they only let me move around if I have a guard watching over me… whom I always tell to stay a distance away.

Sometimes I feel like a prisoner, but then I remember that the life I live is different from that of an average person.

I was born around violence, and if I aren’t careful I’ll not live passed my twenties.

Do I regret being born in this life? Sometimes. Do I want to live like an ordinary person? Nope.

I don’t think I can manage that life. I’m so used to this life, and the everyday activities that are involved. And I also frequently act dumb to live the normal life.

“Oh, and George is back,” Dad says when Serena and I are about to leave, making me stiffen in my posture.

I sit back down when my legs weaken, looking at Dad with disbelief.

“You’re kidding, right?” I question, and as a response, Dad shakes his head, sighing.

“I wish I was, princess… I wish I was,” He replies, sadly.

I can feel Serena’s stare at the side of my head, which is accompanied by a kick to my leg.

“What the-“ I hold onto my leg, looking at Serena, who has a small frown on her face.

“Are you ok?” She asks, staring at me with uncertainty.

“Obviously, I’m not ok!” I yell, startling her.

“Watch the tone of your voice, Vivian,” Dad’s says firmly, warning in his voice.

I bite the inside of my cheek when I realize my actions, silently apologizing to my father and Serena.

My father hates yelling, and so does Serena.

Dad loves quietness and peace, he’ll literally shoot anyone that disturbs him… especially when he doesn’t like the person.

And Serena always gets scared when she hears yelling, because Dave always used to yell before hitting her.

Her wounds are still very fresh, and I know that I’ve sprinkled salt on them; something I never want to do.

Dad leaves the office after he gets a phone call, leaving Serena and I in silence.

Uncomfortable with the silence, I turn to look at her, hating the look of fear and hurt I see on her face.

Sighing, I place my hand on top of hers, sending an apologetic smile her way. “I’m so sorry,” I pout, squeezing her hand.

Serena smiles as a response, squeezing my hand back. She also pinches my nose, making me roll my eyes.

“You look cute when you’re guilty,” She says, making me snort.

“This is why I don’t apologize to you,” I murmur, getting a smack at the back of my head.

"Ouch," I place my hand on the spot she just hit, giving her a deadly look.

“It didn’t even hurt… don’t act like it did,” Serena mutters, sticking her tongue out to me.

I pout when I see this, plastering a sad smile on my face, silently enjoying the moment.

Serena is smiling and that’s what matters to me; she can punch me in the face if she wants.

Dad comes back inside the office, announcing to Serena and I that he has to go to a meeting.

Both Serena and I bid him our goodbyes as we walk out of the office, leaving him to pack and arrange his files.

Serena and I walk to the kitchen, where we grab some lasagna and snacks, wanting to go to the theater room.

When we are done grabbing everything we need, we go our separate ways.

Serena takes the food to the movie room, and I rush to take our pajamas from my room; my mind still occupied with thoughts of George.

I try to get rid of the thoughts, not wanting to dwell too much on that bastard.

Thinking about that frog annoys me so damn much. The bastard is pure evil, and he has nothing good to offer people… he’s so self-centered and cocky.

I sometimes wonder what I saw in him.

Shaking my head, I finally manage to get his ugly face out of my head, walking out of my bedroom, and into the main hall.

The movie room is down the hall, so I reach there in less than a minute, throwing Serena’s pajamas at her.

“That hurt,”

“And so does life... but we don’t complain, right?” I smirk, reminding her of her famous quote.

Serena scowls, taking the clothes inside the bathroom, leaving me to choose the movie.

She comes out of the bathroom after a few minutes, telling me to change as well.

I nod, leaving her to prepare the rest of the things.

Humming to one of my favorite songs, I quickly strip out of my clothes, wearing my favorite onesies.

I’m not a girly girl, but pink is and will always be one of my favorite colors.

“Lets get this show started!” I throw myself on the large sofa, putting my legs on Serena’s laps.

I quickly grab the bowl of popcorn from her hands, making sure I put a handful of it in my mouth.

“Hey!” Serena shouts, startled.

I choose to ignore her, though, paying attention to the screen.

“That guy is very handsome,” I mutter, almost drooling.

Serena, who is now relaxed, hums in approval, staffing her mouth with chocolates.

“Its just sad, cause he’s married; I would have proposed to him if he wasn’t,“ She says.

A frown instantly graces my face when I hear her first sentence. “Why are the good looking ones always married?”

Serena shrugs, telling me to keep quiet when her favorite scene comes on.

Annoyed, I lean back into the sofa, my thoughts drifting after a while.

A shiver passes through my body when I begin thinking about George.

I really thought I got rid of him, but I guess I was wrong; he’ll always be part of my life.

My hands clench in anger when I remember everything that he made me pass through.

The pain still feels so raw, and the wounds still feel so fresh.

I wish I killed him when I got the chance. I wish I put a bullet to his stomach, like he did to me.

I wish I ended everything that day… that child would still be alive if I did.

“Vivian!” I feel a shake on my shoulder, snapping me out of my thoughts.

Startled, I turn to look at my left, my confused eyes meeting Serena’s concerned ones.

“Are you alright?” She asks, holding onto my hand.

“Yeah.” I nod, confidently. “Why do you ask?”

I reach out for my soda as I wait for Serena to reply, my throat suddenly becoming dry.

“You were clenching your hand very tightly: you even hurt yourself,” she replies, showing me the palm of my hand.

Shock is what I feel when I look at my hand, wondering how I didn’t notice the blood.

I begin to feel the pain after I stare at it for a while, though.

Serena stands up, grabbing the first aid kit that’s kept under the popcorn machine.

She walks back where I am seated, grabbing my hand as she puts some alcohol to it.

My hand begins to sting, making me hiss as I pull it out of her grip.

“Sorry,” she says, grabbing my hand again. “Now be still, so that I can bandage this up… I don’t want you to get an injection,” She adds, scoldingly.

I bite my tongue, not wanting to snap at her, the alcohol making me whine every now and then.

Alcohol and salt on a fresh would can and will make anyone, no matter how strong the person is, want to cry.

“You’re such a baby,” Serena laughs, making me frown.

I look away from her, feeling annoyed. My eyes land on the TV show that’s playing, and I begin to wonder when the movie ended.

“The movie ended a while ago,” Serena says when she notices my confused state.

I nod at her, hating that I zoomed out on her. This was suppose to be a fun night, but my thoughts ruined it.

“What were you even thinking about?” She asks, placing the first aid kit away. “Were you thinking about him?”

With a sigh, I nod, hugging my legs to my chest.

“I was actually happy to think that I’ll never get to see him again,” I whisper under my breath, my voice sounding a bit hoarse.

Serena doesn’t say anything, she places my head on her laps instead, caressing my hair; giving me comfort.

I’m the kind of person that has a lot of ignorance, especially when shit happens to me.

I always choose to ignore my problems, acting like they never took place… but that doesn’t mean that I don’t keep things locked up in my head; something that I hate about myself.

I’ve always been told that storing my feeling will hurt me; but I chose to ignore that advice as well.

Storing my feelings away is what makes me feel sane. I always pretend like I’m living in a cartoon, where the plot gets twisted.

The plot will have a lot of holes, and the holes will never be filled up. The main character will fall into the hole, and then rise up like nothing happened.

Honestly, living sometimes exhausts me. It drains me, and makes me feel like absolute shit.

I’m not suicidal, nor am I depressed; I’m just tired.

I’m tired of the headaches. I’m tired of the heartaches. I’m tired of the obstacles. And I’m also very tired of acting like nothings wrong.

“Their child would still be alive if I didn’t act stupid that day… if only I didn’t act like a love sick bitch that day,” I mutter under my breath, playing with my fingers.

“I was, and still am a bad friend… and sister,” I add, sitting up.

Serena sighs, holding onto my shoulders. She turns me in her direction, placing her hand under my chin, lifting my head up.

“Vivian, you’ve never been a bad friend. What happened that day was and is not your fault… George played you both; turning you two against each other.” She states.

“And lets not forget that she knew about you two; she shouldn’t have had an affair with him,”

“But, I should have broken up with him instead… I shouldn’t have fired the gun,”

The activities of that day play in my head when I speak, the blood that was spilled contaminating my thoughts.

That was the first time I regretted firing a gun.

I ended an innocent life; something that will hunt me for eternity.

“But you aren’t the one that killed that child; you shot the car window… you never shot at Gina,” Serena says with a matter of fact tone, staring at me with furrowed eyebrows.

‘’Girl, I was there. And even though George blamed you; you never were to blame… That bastard is manipulative and cunning; he wants you to live in guilt, knowing fully well that you were not at fault.”

Serena is right, George is a toxic man, and he sure as hell knows how to turn a situation around.

I don’t know what I was thinking when I even began dating him, cause the guy had a lot of red flags… our age difference being one of them.

I was around the age of seventeen when he asked me out, and he was around thirty.

The man was grooming me, and I was too young and naive to notice.

The many times he wanted to hit me for calling him out on his bullshit were also signs; but I guess my teenage ass didn’t want to accept that the prince charming she talked about with her friends was nothing but an hallucination.

“I guess I’ll have to mentally prepare myself for when I see him,” I sigh, groaning in frustration afterwards.

"I swear Disney didn’t teach me this part of being a princess,” I joke, Serena and I busting into giggles.

I decide to change the topic of conversation, gossiping about one of the Dons that was caught sneaking around with one of his guards.

The night ends with Serena telling me about the new guy in her life, the movie night we planned long forgotten.

Author's Note.

I met two women on separate days (they know my family), and they both told me that I'm becoming fat; like please mind your business... And I'm thick not fat!

I'm trying to lose weight, and they seriously made me feel sorry for myself.

How are you babies? It's been a tiresome week for me, though I haven't done nothing productive hehe.

Be safe and happy ♥️

I'm sending my hugs and love♡