"She was a giver. Always poured, too much of love. Never realized watering a rock doesn't make it grow."

• • •

He doesn't preoccupy my mind anymore. Not the majority of the time anyways. For weeks I thought about reaching out, even spent hours writing and erasing messages. Messages that were more like essays, taking so long to write that I'd had enough time to realize it wasn't worth it. You can't force someone to understand you, and I can't force myself to settle for someone else's perception of love.

So I don't think about him much, but I do often think about that day. How I came home and almost immediately fell into my mother's arms. I told her everything, even apologizing profusely for ever keeping her out of the loop. Her response was better than I ever could have hoped for, making me question why I ever even kept it a secret. She didn't lecture me with, 'I told you so's', or guilt me for keeping secrets.

Instead she held me, comforted me; and told me that the lump in my throat, thumping in my head, and pain in my chest would all go away. April showers and all those things. She told me about her first heartbreak. How she thought she would never love again, then the most attractive man she'd ever laid eyes on came up to her to make sure she was okay. I didn't respond but I don't think she expected me too. I don't think she even wanted me to.

It was sweet, even if it were just a long winded way to tell me that I wouldn't be here if it weren't for heartbreak. It was kind of nice to know but also didn't really help me in the moment, I appreciated it nonetheless.

I come back to reality and focus more intently on braiding Mya's locs into pigtails. I compare my view of her hair to the mirror view of her hair, making sure it looks presentable from all angles. Mya is too occupied by her phone to even notice whether it looked good or not.

"I'm so glad you agreed to come with me!" Mya squeals once she sits her phone down, finally checking out her hair in the mirror.

"Of course! I mean, we won't be together a lot since finals are coming up. Plus I know we're both going back home for winter break but let's be honest we probably still won't see each other. And we didn't get to hang out for my birthday last week!"

I think back to my awkward birthday dinner with my mom and Alonzo that he insisted on paying for. It wasn't bad, the restaurant was nice. Expensive. But he had been weird ever since he saw me crying the bathroom the week before, especially because he knew why I was crying without even having to ask. It was almost always weird with us. It was just odd how much we knew about each other without even knowing each other.

"Ugh, I'm still sorry about that! I just hope tonight makes up for it. Ah! He's outside." She exclaims and I quickly finish her braid.

We stand and I grab my jacket. She turns off all the lights in her room, grabbing her jacket on our way out the door. We quickly run from the front porch to Micah's car to avoid feeling the harshness of the cold weather that we were way under dressed for. The car's heat coats my cold skin once we're finally inside.

"Hey boo." Mya says, leaning over the glove-box to kiss Micah on the lips. I look out the window, suddenly feeling awkward being in the car as if I'm intruding on something.

"Hey." He smirks, responding. They've been seeing each other for a few weeks. It's the first time I've ever seen her this love-struck by someone. It took me by surprise but I was happy for her.

"Hey dd." He turns to look at me, calling me by the unapproved nick name he gave me. I give him a lackluster smile back, seeing as he knows how much I hate the nickname.

"Y'all ready ready to go, I'm warning you one last time that these parties can get wild." He says, brushing his dark brown waves forward. He tucks his small gold chain into his shirt. "I can't hear y'all." He flashes his bright white smile at us in anticipation of our responses.

They contrast against his smooth deep brown skin. He may be slightly annoying but at least he's nice to look at. I can definitely see what Mya sees in him.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." We both mumble.

"Can we just go." Mya says and he finally drives off.

• • •

We walk into the colorful, neon lit house. The music is so loud it nearly is causing the house to vibrate. I could barely hear my own thoughts but this is exactly what I needed. The drive to New York was worth it.

I'm pretty sure this is what everyone here needed. Micah was telling us about how every semester before exams, a bunch of NYU students come together to plan a party to blow off steam. I need to blow off steam for a number of reasons, there was no way I could turn this down. I didn't tell Mya but she didn't even have to convince me to come with them, I was sold the first time he told us about it.

We walk further inside, the smell of weed assaults my nose. I pull down my sweater crop top, feeling insecure about some of the eyes on me. I wonder where we are going, we both follow behind Micah as he leads us through the crowd. I try to keep my eyes forward, on Mya, to make sure I don't get lost.

He takes us upstairs, which is just as crowded. This house is huge but it feels small with all the people inside. We walk past a very serious game of beer pong going on. Most people here are already extremely drunk.

Once upstairs, a tall guy with shaggy red hair greets Micah. He then turns to us, waving at both of us. We both wave back.

"I'm Connor!" He yells, it's hard to understand him over the music and increasingly loud game being played.

"This is Mya! And this is Daisy!" Micah yells back. He nods his head at us once again. The lights making his freckled face easier to see.

They begin talking to other people at the party and Mya pulls me through the crowd once again. This time in search for alcohol.

"We have waited long enough! It is time for us to get a drink!" Mya shouts. I don't drink very often but I want nothing more than to have a good time. And I know I don't need to drink to do that, but I for sure think its going to make it better.

There's a table with shots lined up on it. A girl stands behind it, alternating between pouring a row of shots and taking one. She has a yellow glow stick around her neck and I'm sure all the shot glasses are labeled but Mya doesn't read them as she picks two up.

She hands one to me and hold it in the air for a toast.

"Time to get, responsibly, fucked up!" She yells. I laugh at her and we toast. I take down the shot quickly, twisting my face at the burning sensation. I can feel it traveling down my throat and into my body. I don't even know what it is, but it's strong. We give each other a high five, ready to let loose.

After the first few shots, Mya and I were still conjoined at the hip. Enjoying ourselves, but feeling more comfortable with keeping a majority of our dancing between us two. After I lost counts of the shots I had taken though, I don't even know where Mya is.

I'm sure she's somewhere close but I've made many friends tonight. My mind is hazy and my body feels warm but I've never felt so free. I also have a bunch of glow stick accessories that I have no idea how I came into possession of. I don't really care either as I stand with a group of girls, waiting to get in the bathroom.

"I should text him shouldn't I?!" I shout to the overly emotional and supportive women. My mouth is speaking before my mind has a chance to catch up. My body is also making moves without my minds permission as I grab my phone from my back pocket.

"Yes! Call him and tell him what a dumb ass he is! I mean is he out of his mind, look at you! I'd fuck you!" The blond with glittery space buns shouts to me, slurring half of her words.

"No!" The other girl says, snatching my phone out of my hands. I gasp. Her purple box braids are also pulled into space buns. "No calling! You wanna do something, you find that guy you were dancing with earlier and you take him into one of those rooms...." The bathroom door opening distracts me. She doesn't slur her words but I can't tell if she's stumbling because she's drunk or because she's missing a shoe.

I grab my phone back. "No calling!" She shouts again as I wobble into the bathroom.

After peeing I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror, gripping onto the sink to steady myself. I wash my hands, wiping them off with paper towels and staring into the mirror again.

"We're gonna go out there and we're gonna find......that guy." I say to myself, forgetting his name. Honestly I'm surprised I still even know my name.

I walk out of the bathroom determined to find him. Lucky enough for me he hadn't gone that far. I tug on his jacket and he looks at me, smiling when he sees who it is. I can finally see his face clearly now. His big brown eyes compliment his light caramel brown skin. His thick curly hair changes colors with the lights in the room. I smile back at him. Pulling him with me towards a room.

I know that we're both drunk but I don't know where Mya is to talk me out of it. And with how drunk she is, she probably would be no help. My heart beats throughout my whole body, mimicking the beat of the music blasting through the house.

We kiss each other sloppily. Drunkenly falling over our feet as we hurry towards the room. It's pitch black and we shut the door before finding the light switch. We laugh hysterically while feeling up the walls for the switch.

He flips it on and we stare at each other again, seemingly impressed by our own ability to pick attractive flings. "Wait what's your name again?" I ask.

"Reggie. What was yours?" He laughs.

"Daisy."

"Mmm, Daisy. I like that." He bites his lip, grabbing my face and kissing me again.

We move fast, pulling his jacket and shirt off. Desperately reconnecting our lips after each item of clothing we remove. We stumble back towards the bed. I run my hands through his hair. All I feel is adrenaline as I straddle his lap. We both reach for his belt, struggling since both of our minds are currently impaired.

Through all the adrenaline I have a troubling thought beating in the back of my mind, will I regret this?

• • •