"I have traveled through madness to find me."

- Danny Alexander

• • •

Last night replays in my mind on a loop as I drive back to my house. The tension in his apartment was too much after that, I felt like the walls were caving in on me. He seemed fine, I don't even want to think about how many other girls he's been with. Making us see stars then eating Thai food like nothing happened, stupid girls like me. Probably doesn't label what they are so that he can do whatever he wants with whoever he wants then pull the 'you aren't my girlfriend' card.

Wait. Why am I getting so upset? I had a great time and now I'm making up ridiculous scenarios in my head. Maybe I need some sleep.

It's half past five so the road is empty, I get home in no time. I know I need to sleep but I don't think I'll be able to, I have class in a few hours anyways. I should've listened to my advisor about not doing 8a.m. classes.

The unrushed sunrise turns the house a calm blue color, I decide not to turn on any lights as I walk up the carpeted staircase. I immediately go into the upstairs bathroom, not even bothering to stop in my room, and turn on the shower. I rummage through the crowded cabinet to find a shower cap so I don't further ruin my straightened hair. The hot water strips my body of all evidence of the nights actions.

Once I exit the shower I walk downstairs in my robe to turn on the Keurig. As I watch the coffee drip into my '#1 daughter' cup the door unlocks. In comes my mother with a Dunkin' Donuts bag. She jumps when she realizes I'm standing in the dark kitchen.

"Girl! Why do you have this damn light off?" She turns the light on then places the bags she's carrying on the table.

"It hurtsss. I want to go to sleep." I groan, dropping my head into my folded arms.

"What time did you go to sleep last night? I told you to stop staying up all night, it's not good for you!"

"I know. I know. I'm just gonna sleep when I get back. My last class is over at 11:30 anyways ." I ignore the first question she asked.

"You need me to pick you up?" She's looking at me like she normally does but in this moment it feels like an interrogation. I clear my throat and try to speak as calmly as possible.

"Actually...," I drag out, "Mr. Ricci's son, um Jacob, gifted me a car. From the both of them. Said something about him and his dad were trying to be nice about that time when our car broke down. It's the one in front of the house." I bring my cup up to my lips, not wanting her to pick up on my bluff. I would suck at poker.

"...Antonio's son...bought you a car? An expensive car, at that." I can see the doubt in her face.

"Well I'm sure it wasn't like his idea or anything, probably gonna write it off in their taxes as a business expense or something." I'm avoiding her eye contact at all costs.

"Mhm, and when did you even see him?" Her logical questions are driving me insane and I wish she was like those dumb parents in tv shows who don't question anything.

"Oh you know, I was over there one day because I promised Mable I'd help her with something and poof he was there and gave it to me."

"Hm. Poof. Well look at that, I'm surprised Antonio didn't say anything to me but he's a busy man so I suppose. Don't ruin it." By the way she's looking at me I can tell she's not fully convinced, but she has no proof that I'm lying so she can't call me out. She takes one last look up and down at me then stands to make her own cup of coffee. I grab a sandwich out of the white bag.

"So when can I meet Alonzo? It feels like you're hiding the fact that you have a child from him, and I'm offended." This topic should distract her for the moment. I walk out of the kitchen to add more drama to my accusation.

"I am not! I just haven't picked a good time yet, stop walking away!" She follows after me.

• • •

Having a half hour break in between classes didn't seem like much of an issue when I was creating my schedule but actually having to find something to do for 30 minutes is annoying. I walk through the cafeteria, noticing that all the tables are taken or being reserved by people's belongings on them.

I see the pretty much empty computer lab and decide to lounge in there. Sitting down, I mimic the few other people in here and pull out my phone. Replying to Jacobs message that I left my wallet somehow. Why do I keep losing things?

"Daisy Bennett?" The voice speaking behind me sounds familiar but I'm stunned at the fact someone recognized me.

I slowly turn around to see Mya Williams. Her shoulder length locs are now dyed a honey brown color as opposed to the jet black color I remembered them as. I haven't seen her since we graduated high school but since it was only a few months ago she looks the same as she did before but with a nose ring. As well as a sun and moon tattoo under her collarbone on the left side, it looks freshly done. I stand up to give her a hug.

We weren't best friends or anything but she was a really cool girl, stayed to herself and was never in any drama. We had a few classes together throughout the years and we would talk to each other. "Oh my gosh, how are you? I thought you were staying home and going to Delaware State?" I ask her, she hugs me back and looks happy to see me as well. The relief I feel seeing someone from back home is indescribable.

"Girl, I was going to but I was having some problems with admissions then my grandma was like 'just come live with me, your uncle works at the school you could probably get a full ride,'' she mimics her grandmother, "and I couldn't argue with that so here I am. I didn't know that you were going to be here!" She also seems excited to see a familiar face.

"Yeah we moved a few weeks after school ended, remember I told you I was moving!" I exclaim.

She sits next to me and we begin catching up on life. She tells me that her cousin also attends school here. I tell her about how life has been since moving here and I feel like I could talk to her for hours. She has such a homely feeling about her, I could tell her anything. So I do, I feel like I can finally speak face to face with someone about what has been going on in my love life.

"So what's the sex like?" She stares at me intensely.

"Oh no, no we haven't."

"Oh I just assumed, sorry but from that picture you showed me I can't believe you can keep your hands off of him. " I chuckle at the idea that I keep my hands to myself.

"No it's fine, it's just that I've never you know. He's not rushing me or anything, I'm not even sure that he knows? Even though I don't know how he wouldn't." I admit embarrassingly.

She doesn't have a judgmental expression on her face or anything which makes me feel better about being so open with her, this is why I've always liked her. "Maybe you should tell him. I mean it would give him better perspective into the pace the relationship is going, he may even be more understanding of why you wanna take it slow. Especially if he's as experienced as you're making him out to be. Also, I thought you dated that one guy in high school, Aaron something?"

"Yeah we dated for a while but we never did anything, and he was too nice to push the issue," She nods understandingly, "And it's not like he's pushing me to do anything but maybe I should tell him for you know, transparency and everything."

"That my friend, is everything in a relationship." She puts her hand on my shoulder then stands up to go to her next class. We exchange information and I'm really looking forward to seeing her again.

I needed this, to talk to someone who could understand. Someone who wasn't my cousin and already biased. Seems like my new life is starting to look up.

• • •