"And like the moon, we must go through phases of emptiness to feel full again."

• • •

3 weeks. That's how much time has gone by since our first date, and I've spent almost all of it with him. We go out to eat, to the movies, arcades. He's a sore loser. I've learned a lot about him, like how handsy he gets when he's drunk. I still feel like there's a wall up though, maybe that's why we haven't said what exactly this is. I don't want to push him away by asking, and we've been having fun so why ruin it. But I can't help but wonder if he's also been having this much fun with other girls.

My first day of classes was today, the clock reads 1:09 p.m. , it's finally almost time to leave. I stopped paying attention to people telling us about themselves so long ago, why do we need icebreakers anyways, I'm not paying for this class to break ice with people I probably won't even see next semester.

"Ok thank you all for sharing, we're done for today," It's getting harder to hear her over the sound of people packing up, "Don't forget to do the 'Get to know me' assessment before class on Wednesday!" The tall thin teacher says, sitting down and collecting all of her papers. She reminds me of Lucy Liu but tall, and younger. I grab my bag and walk through the door before everyone tries to squeeze through it at once. I call Jacob, he said he'd pick me up.

I step outside, the sun is hiding behind the clouds but it's still humid. While scanning the parking lot I see him step out of a car and I hang up the phone walking over towards him. He's in a car I've never seen before so it throws me off. "I called you! Did you get a new car?"

"Yep." He leans down to kiss me on the cheek.

"You do realize how many cars you have, right?" I go to get in the passenger seat but he stops me.

"Actually," he starts and I look at him confused, "I got this for you. I know that you were saving up for a car but......" My mind kind of started to lose focus after he said it was for me. Why would he do something like that?

"Jacob! Why..why would you...this car's so expensive. I can't take this, you have to return it." He grabs me by the shoulders and walks me around to the drivers side of the car.

"A thank you would suffice." He says laughing and walks back over to the passenger side, getting in.

"Jacob," I say getting on the driver's side and turning to him earnestly, "This is really nice, and I do thank you but I can't accept this."

"I promise you, it was not a bad investment. Please just take it." I feel conflicted looking into his eyes. The car is so expensive I don't even think I feel comfortable accepting it but at the same time I really do need a car. With the rate of my savings it'll be next school year before I can afford one.

"Ok," I oblige, "But you have to help me think of something to tell my Mom. You don't just come home with an Audi and expect it to fly under the radar." I pull off, trying to get a feel for my new car. My brand new car. This is gonna take some getting used to.

Our ride to Jacob's apartment was filled with me getting excited over all of the features the car has. Also with me trying to give it back again but he wouldn't take it. This only further complicates my thoughts of what we are. I mean even if he is 'dating' other girls, is he buying them cars too? It's not like he's fucking Oprah or something. We reach his apartment complex and when we get out I can't stop staring at the car.

"Are you gonna come in or just stare at it out here all day?" He's wearing grey sweatpants and a white t-shirt that is slightly damp, he was probably working out before he came to get me. Working out gives him energy, too much energy sometimes.

Once we get in I walk straight up to his bedroom and throw my bag to the ground then plop onto his bed. He follows behind me but when he gets inside he starts to undress, making my face heat up.

"Um! Do you want me to leave?" I instinctively look away.

"Nope, I like having a crowd. What, you don't like the show?" He laughs and I hear him walking towards me, my heartbeat increases. He pulls my hands off my eyes and when I see him he has a towel on. Phew. "I'm getting in the shower, I have somewhere to go." My phone buzzes and I look down to see who texted me.

💕💕

I texted her an ok then walked into the bathroom in Jacob's room. The glass shower is beginning to fog up so I can't see anything but I still refuse to go all the way inside. I only stand half way in the door. "Wait where are you going." I whine.

"Business, I know you hate it. I'm sorry."

"They always interrupt us." I wish I knew what he was doing when he leaves but he won't tell me. At this point I don't know if it's for his sake or mine. I hear him turn the water off and I walk out of the bathroom.

"I promise I'll be back tonight, just stay here and I'll order something. We can watch that stupid show that you like." He steps back into the bedroom, water droplets falling down his athletic torso, with a towel around his waist. Since my mom won't be back in time to question my whereabouts maybe I will. I guess I could find something to do.

"Ok, but no more seafood because I can't even watch The Little Mermaid anymore. Also New Girl isn't stupid! You just have no sense of humor."

"Alright then don't laugh at anything I say." His hands start to move towards his towel which indicates to me that I should leave the room.

He makes sure he has everything before leaving, he's very paranoid about being locked out for some reason. I decided I'm going to use this time to get ahead on my work, I'm still barely going strong on my whole 'no procrastination' effort. Once I hear the elevator doors close I feel the loneliness of this large apartment.

• • •

The bedroom door shutting pulls me out of my sleep. Confusion consumes me as I look around the dark room, the only source of light being the TV still lowly playing. My unwrapped blowout falls wildly over my face.

"Sorry for waking you up." A deep voice mutters, I know it's Jacob but I'm still trying to figure out what year it is. His bed is so comfortable I never wanna leave.

I move the hair out of my face and he turns the light on. He sits on the bed and to take his shoes off. "What time is it?" I stretch my arms and finally sit up.

"Midnight last time I checked but that was a while ago. It's probably almost 1 now." He unbuttons his white top which reveals the black t-shirt underneath. "I stopped at that Thai place down the street, I set it over there." My eyes follow his finger over to the dresser at the white bag with thank you written in red letters on it.

He climbs fully on to the bed and sits up against the headboard, grabbing my arms to guide me onto his lap. He nuzzles his face into the crook of my neck. "I'm fucking exhausted." He sighs, leaving kisses up and down my neck. A chill falls down my spine and my hands interlock behind his head.

"You don't seem that tired." He smiles against my collarbone. His kisses against my skin begin to get more aggressive. His hands travel down my body, pulling me closer by my backside.

He flips us over so that now he's on top, his lips crash back into mine. His hands start to explore under my shirt and he returns the attention of his lips back to my neck. My mind is too distracted by what I'm feeling to realize how far we're going. One of his legs find their way in between mine and his fingers graze softly down from my ribs to the button on my shorts. The feeling of my zipper being undone somewhat brings me out of my daze, but it feels like my voice is caught in my throat.

"Ja...Jacob, I don't wanna......wanna go all the....the way." I barely get out between breaths. He breaks away from my neck and moves up to my ear

"I'll go wherever you wanna go, just tell me when to stop.........and I'll stop." He whispers in a throaty tone then his teeth gently pull at my ear lobe.

I can feel my heartbeat throughout my whole body, I nod and pull him back into me. He goes back to kissing at my neck, pulling at my skin with his teeth every so often. His hand finds its way back in my shorts, slipping into my underwear this time. I gasp, trying to be quiet but I know he heard it, hopefully he's ignoring it. I should invest in some better undergarments.

I thought it wouldn't be possible for my heart rate to increase even more but now I think I can see it beating through my chest. Every sensation I'm feeling is sending some sort of chemical reaction to my brain making it short circuit. He takes one finger and slowly starts to work it up and down. All the heat in my body has been redirected to one spot, where his hand is.

The thought of him working his way around unexplored territory alone is enough to send me over the edge, I start to see colors and tightly shut my eyes. He slowly sinks one finger inside of me, the feeling making me take in a sharp breathe. I must have unknowingly tightened my hold on his other arm because his face moves back up to mine.

"Just tell me if you want me to stop." He whispers, I can still hear the ambition in his voice, despite him trying to mask it. I quickly nod pulling his lips to mine. He slowly pumps faster, making my legs widen even more.

My chest is heaving and I feel like I'm about to explode. He carefully slides another finger in, it adds another level of discomfort but not enough to stop the pleasure pumping through me. I can hear myself whimpering and if it weren't for my mind being overheated I would probably be embarrassed. Between the combination of Jacob whispering in my ear and his skilled fingers pumping at a maniacally pleasure filled pace I don't think I can take it any longer.

"J...Jacob!"! I feel my whole body shudder then slump down into the mattress.

He carefully pulls his hand out of my underwear, kissing me a few more times before standing up.

"Well I'm fucking starving, what about you?" He smiles at me, clearly amused then walks into the bathroom.

Leaving me to stare at the ceiling, failing to collect my emotions.

• • •