"Make mistakes. Make a lot of them."

.

I've been with Jacob for the past hour. We're at the store picking things up for his party, he's being nice, calm, but I still can't read his mood. He's not overly joyous, angry, playful, anything; maybe he's just focused on getting everything for the party. The more time I spend with Jacob the more I realize I don't know as much about him as I thought. The more I find out about him the more I fall into this complicated web of unanswered questions. The most confusing part about him is that on the surface he seems like an open book, but when you do open the book it sucks you into a portal that you'll likely never find your way out of. An enigma, that's what he is.

We're walking in the chip aisle and Jacob stops, seemingly trying to decide between Lays and Doritos. His birthday dinner that he insisted we would probably be invited to, we weren't, was cancelled. Mr. Ricci had some emergency business meetings upstate, at least that's what Jacob told me. He said to be ready at 5 and that we were going to make a few stops, I think he just wanted someone to set up his party for him. I can't tell if he's disappointed or not though, Mr. Ricci's rescheduling it but it's just not the same. Jacob finally decides to grab both. Now with a full cart we head to self checkout.

I'm still trying to not feel weird about hanging out with Jacob, at least that's what I think we're doing. I honestly don't know what this whole thing is. Are we friends that just so happened to kiss once? Are we more than that, or less? We haven't spoken about it since being at his apartment, I actually hadn't spoken to him until today. I push the cart as he begins to put his items on the belt.

"I need to make a stop before we go back."

"Nothing good ever happens when I have to make stops with you." He smiles at what I said despite me being annoyed.

"Well good thing you're staying in the car then." The cashier is trying to hide it but I can see the judgement all on her face and as much as I wanna be mad at her, I can't. I think Jacob might have bought half of the liquor aisle. I'd probably judge us too.

"I need to see your ID." The woman says with an aggravated tone, not at us though. She just seems to be unhappy in general. Jacob reaches in his wallet and hands it to her. She looks at Jacob then at his ID then back at Jacob, almost like she doesn't trust him. "Happy Birthday. That'll be $316.95." Jacob thanks her for her birthday wishes, even though she clearly didn't mean it. He goes in his wallet and pulls out four hundred dollar bills and I grab his ID back from the cashier. Another worker comes over to help bag the groceries.

"Did you want the condoms in the bag, sir?" The young worker asks. My eyes widen then shift to the ground. I didn't even see him grab those. I know that we aren't together, like at all, but I don't know. I wouldn't call it jealousy but it still doesn't feel good. Jacob says something back to the bagger, I'm not even listening anymore. The cashier hands Jacob the receipt and after we get all the bags we head outside to the car.

Once we get into the car I put my seatbelt on and pull my elbow length ombre passion twists out of the way. He pulls out of the parking lot and starts the way to this mysterious location. "That lady was a bitch." I mention while looking out the window.

"Woah, be nice. 9 to 5s are grueling." He chuckled.

"What do you know about the grueling conditions of a 9 to 5. Oh and I forgot, " I reached into my pocket and grabbed Jacob's ID, "you were busy so I got it back from her." I scan over it. Antonio Jacob Ricci. Of course he looks this good in his picture, it also kind of looks like a mugshot. Dark brown hair, brown eyes, 6ft '1in, 185lbs. "I didn't know your name was Antonio too?"

"I know, that's the point." He joked.

After driving for a while we pull into a fancy hotel, , is on the front of the hotel in gold letters. "I'll be right back." He parks the car at the entrance and heads inside, leaving the keys in the car. I wonder what he's doing there but I know better than to ask at this point. Plus it's his birthday so I told myself I wouldn't get on his nerves. When he returns he has a duffle bag that he throws into the backseat. He also now has a really expensive watch on his wrist. We leave the hotel and head back to his apartment.

• • •

I really hope whoever lives downstairs isn't home right now. I squeeze through the sea of people in the trashed apartment to find the bathroom. It's loud and hot, most people are drunk. Earlier I saw this nice girl at the party and we talked for a while but she came with friends so at some point she had to go back to them. I'm alone again and thinking maybe I should have rejected Jacobs invitation. When I finally get in the bathroom I sit down and take a breath. Not even a minute later someone's banging on the door and I let out a groan.

"One minute!" I yell and take one last look in the mirror and open the door. There's a girl carrying her very drunk and barefoot friend into the bathroom. I walk past the snack table that has been empty nearly since the party started and head for upstairs. I walk past Jacob and his friends shouting and doing shots next to a very heated game of beer pong. Some of the friends with Jacob I recognize from the casino, they were the first ones to get here and help us set up.

The beginning of the party wasn't so bad, everyone was having a good time. As it got later I don't know what happened but it was as if everyone just kind of.... lost it. Doing lines and popping pills like no one was watching, drinking like it was 2012 and everyone thought the world was going to end. Some peoples clothes started coming off, the music got louder, and the worst part is that I don't know anyone here except for Jacob but I wasn't gonna make him babysit me at his own party. He's having a great time anyways, I think this is the first time I've seen him in a few hours. When I reached the top of the stairs I headed straight for his room, he made sure to tell everyone when they arrived that his room was off limits so I know no one will be in here. I walk in and see that he finished putting his bed together. It's dark but the windows are open so the moonlight is reflecting into the bedroom. I sat down then layed back on his white comforter, I should've said no when he invited me.

I go to reach for my phone so I can get an uber out of here and realize that I probably left it in the bathroom. Walking out of his room I see Jacob and his friends still doing shots. But this time there's sort of a crowd, when I get closer I see what they're all standing around. A girl with long straight black hair and perfect bone structure getting alcohol poured into her mouth by Jacob. Her hands might as well be in his pants and he's holding her chin up, my chest tightens as I watch from the top step.

Youaren'tallowed to be mad, there's nothing going on between you two and he probably doesn't even like you, I think to myself. Just then his eyes meet mine and I back away quickly nearly running back into his room. When I shut the door I look down and see my phone on the floor, of course it is. I order an uber but the nearest one is 23 minutes away so I sit back down on his bed. I hear someone tap lightly on the door then open it, its Jacob.

"Hey, what are you doing in here?" He's not as drunk as I thought he might have been.

"Yeah I think I'm just gonna head home, it's really late and I wanna get back before my mom wakes up." He nods his head. "Oh and I got you a gift! I almost forgot." I walk over to grab the bag that I brought and pull out the papers, handing them to him. He opens them and a smile finds its way onto his face. He then starts to laugh almost like in disbelief.

"You adopted a sea lion for me?" He said in a questionable tone.

"Yeah, Mable said something about you liking sea lions since you were little and then I saw that huge coffee table book of sea lions that you have. All you have to do is name him, sign the papers, and mail them in for it to be official. You can visit him whenever you want, as long as the sanctuary is open." He's still staring at the papers.

"I have got to stop Mable from telling people embarrassing things about me." He chuckles but then he gets serious, "I think this is the nicest thing anyones ever done for me."

"I'm sure you're exaggerating." He puts the papers on his bed then grabs my arm and pulls me into a hug. "But you're welcome."

Once we let go of each other our eyes meet and he wastes no time kissing me. This one is different than the one before, it's faster, passionate, and intense. Without missing a beat Jacob sits down on the bed and pulls me onto him, making me straddle him. The longer we kiss the more his hands start to travel. Everything feels so slow and fast at the same time. His hands find their way to the front of my pants but my phone begins to ring loudly interrupting us.

We're both breathing heavily, staring at each other. I grab my phone, bag, and stand up. "I have to go." I nearly ran out of the room and down the stairs through the crowd of people.

• • •