"some days i feel things too deep. other days.. i wonder what it's like to feel anything at all."

• • •

We're back to the week again, it feels like I'm starting to fall into a routine. I'm used to being here now, my mom is adjusting better than I am still. I expected nothing less. We're at the Ricci residence again, of course. It's a Tuesday, kind of cloudy. The day fits my mood.

It's my mom's day off but they lost a worker so now I'm over here again at 11am trying to find something to do while they interview replacements. I'm bored so I start to walk around the 4 story mansion. It's so big but I've only ever explored the bottom floor, that's where most of the business happens anyways, I'm not really needed anywhere else. Is it rude to walk around other peoples houses?

Without answering the question I posed to myself, I start to walk up the curved staircase. They're house is unreal, for sure something I've seen in a fantasy. When I'm almost at the top of the stairs Jacob emerges. He's already taller than me but standing a stair above me makes him seem like a giant. Usually this would have my stomach churning but he's becoming less intimidating to me. He looks at me seriously though, not the way he usually does.

"Just the person I wanted to see." He grabs my arm and takes me up the stairs into an office. I try to pull my arm away but he's stronger than me, I don't even know why I tried. He shuts the door and motions for me to sit down on a black leather couch. How many of those do they have? I look around at the room, this definitely isn't Mr. Ricci's, it has to be Jacob's but it looks like it hasn't been changed since he was a teenager. Beside the leather couch is a bean bag and computer chair, behind the desk is a flat screen tv bigger than I've ever seen. There's a gaming system on the desk and a disconnected computer in a corner against a bookshelf. I hesitantly sit down.

" I need to talk to you about something." He says monotone.

"If it's been itching and burning then yes I definitely think you should have it checked out." I say flatly. Sometimes I tell jokes when I'm nervous, he doesn't find it funny. He takes a deep breath like he's trying to calm himself.

"Listen we need to go somewhere." He says looking at me.

"Where?" I ask, last time he took me somewhere I didn't like it.

"Ok so remember that thing that we're trying to pretend never happened?" He asks and I nod. This feels like a trick question.

"Well people have been talking." He says slowly making my chest fall into my stomach. Does he think it's me?

"It wasn't me!" I blurted out, you can hear the worry in my voice. He sticks his finger up, chuckling.

"We know it wasn't you. My boss wants to talk to you though." He says with an unreadable expression. My relief was only short lived, why does he want to talk to me?

"Boss? When?" He ignores my first question.

"I'll pick you up and take you to the casino around 10pm, be ready." He says and starts to walk towards the door.

What? I have so many questions. What does he want to talk to me about? What business is he in? Boss of what? Should I dress up? How long will this take? Why 10pm? But I only manage to get one out. "Don't you need my address?" I yell.

"Nope." He shouts before the door closes.

• • •

I've paced back and forth in my room since we got home. The same questions run through my mind. That day runs through my mind. Who could be talking? Why am I being brought up?

"I'm going to sleep sweetie, goodnight!" My mom yells up the stairs, bringing me out of my trancelike state.

"Goodnight, love you!" I yell back down. I hear her door close. It's 9:30, should I get ready? I stare at my drawer and then at myself. Maybe I should just not answer the door, that could work.

I put on jeans and a t-shirt anyways, not feeling like disappointing dangerous people. I put on some shoes that feel like I could easily run in and put my frizzy tight curls into a neater bun. I sit by the window waiting for his car to arrive, I don't want him knocking cause it might wake my mom. It's supposed to rain tonight so when I see his car pull up I grab my keys, a jacket, and an umbrella before running down the stairs and out the front door.

He rolls his window down, I guess to let me know it's him. Maybe he forgot I've been in his car before. I get in the passenger side and put on my seatbelt, that makes him chuckle for some reason. "You're 20 minuets late." I say.

"You'll live." He says and pulls off.

"Should I be scared?" I ask him. I can tell he's getting ready to make a joke out of it but stops when he sees the worry on my face.

"No." He says then looks over at me and sighs. "I won't let anything happen to you, ok?" He says and that actually makes me feel better.

"Ok." I nod, taking a deep breath. "My mom would kill you anyways." I say trying to lighten the mood, he just smiles.

We ride in silence for another 15 minutes and anxiety takes over the longer this drive gets. The questions are back in my head, the what if's, all the gang or mafia related movies I've seen. I feel like screaming or crying, maybe both.

"So, where'd you learn to speak Spanish?" Seems to be the only thing I can mutter.

"A friend of a friend." He answers vaguely. Driving way to fast on the highway, recklessly switching lanes. Maybe this will kill me before his boss does. I try to keep the conversation going to ease my nerves.

"I never paid attention in Spanish class really." I say and he just looks at me then takes the next exit which leads us to a large casino. The lights almost blind me as we pull into the parking lot. Before we get out of the car he turns to me.

"You have to calm down. They're like dogs, they can sense fear, they'll tear you to shreds if you let them. And like you said your mom will kill me if anything happens to you so stay close." He says looking me in my eyes, never breaking eye contact. I listen to every word he says, retaining it like I'm going to be given a pop quiz on the subject.

It's starting to drizzle outside as we walk in, I hope it doesn't get worse than this. When we walk in there are metal detectors and workers checking people's IDs. I hand them mine while Jacob is lowly talking to some tall man in a black suit. They put a blue wristband on me that says I'm not old enough to drink and Jacob walks back over grabbing my wrist and guiding me towards wherever that guy told him to go.

We walk past the gamblers in the casino, I watch some people look defeated while some are overjoyed. We start to walk up stairs past some restaurants and finally through a side door which takes us through another door. It's filled with smoke and smells like alcohol, there are girls in shiny fitted dresses on men's laps while they play what I assume to be poker. There are stacks of money on the table. What is this place?

He lets my wrist go and whispers in someone's ear who leads him into an office a little further down the hall, I follow behind. The man opens a door and there are a bunch of rough looking men sitting in the office, talking to each other. They all look up and say Jacob's name when he walks in.

"Boss decided not to show up?" Is the first thing he asks.

"He said this sounded like something that we could handle." Says a guy who looks to be in his mid to late 30s, jet black hair slicked back but falling out of place like he's had a long day. His jacket sits on his chair and his tie is loosened.

I stand outside the door, I don't think I could go in if I wanted to. They all look at me after Jacob does, I think they're all wondering why I'm standing outside of the door like my legs don't work. After the staring went on for another 10 seconds Jacob pulls me by my arm, gently, into the room.

"Here's the girl." He says still sort of standing in front of me.

"Well nice to meet you, I'm Mark." The man with jet black hair says and extends his hand out to me, I shake it and utter an almost unnoticeable nice to meet you too. Mark tells everyone to get out except Jacob and two other men and they shut the door.

"Please, sit." Says the man who I've learned is Mark. He asked but he didn't mean it as question more than a command. I sit on one of the chairs in front of the desk. Jacob stands but never walks too far away from me.

"I didn't say anything!" I blurt out and mentally slap myself for showing fear before he even says anything. It was one of the only things I had to do. He lets out a deep chuckle.

"I know you didn't doll. I just wanted to know what you remember about the guys from this altercation." He says calmly, like he's talking a child out of a tantrum.

I tell him what I can remember of the guys from that night. I don't remember much of them as I do the situation. That stuck with me, their faces? Not so much. The whole thing took about 15 minutes.

"Thanks doll, this really helped a lot." Mark says. He's so warm and endearing but something about him screams cold and dangerous. It scares me to no end. Jacob tells me to wait outside the door, he'll be out in a moment.

I check my phone and see a missed call from Avery, I've got to call her back. I'm more at ease than I was before but something tells me not to relax too much. Minutes pass and I begin to grow impatient. It hasn't been that long but it's almost midnight and I'm tired. Just as I go to knock on the door I hear the piercing sound of gunshots ringing out. They're loud but I can tell they're not in here. I'm scared shitless and crouching on the ground nonetheless.

The office door busts open as the sound of screams get louder. The guns are still going, I think they're getting closer.

"I have to get her out of here." I faintly hear Jacob say through the chaos and then feel a presence wrapped around me. My eyes are closed, I'm too scared to open them. I feel us running through the door, the screams and gunshots get even louder. I can't take this much longer. I open my eyes and look down at the ground we're running towards what I assume to be a side door. We don't stop running once we get outside until we get in his car, it's pouring rain now. He drives off like a bat out of hell and I don't realize that I'm shaking and crying until we're on the street, driving away from the casino.

• • •