《ᴀ ᴘᴇɴɴʏ ꜰᴏʀ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴛʜᴏᴜɢʜᴛꜱ?》october 22nd, 2021 - suicide note #8
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TW:
mention of suicide, sh, and many dark topics.
•••
I hate myself
I hate myself so badly
I hate myself with a burning passion
And maybe that's why I wanna burn my skin
To soften the burning passion
To keep the fire inside at bay
My heart physically hurts
It hurts so fucking bad
I'll clutch at my chest
Trying to rip out my heart
Cuz it would cause less pain
And if only I could live without a heart
Like the tin man did
I think I'd be okay
I hate feeling
It hurts to feel
And I just wanna be
I just wanna exist
I just don't want to feel
But I do
I do feel
And what I feel hurts
The pain is too intense
And I just wanna cry
And scream
And let all of it out
What if I killed myself
And released my pain on the world
Released my anger on the world
I just don't wanna feel
-- suicide note #8
•••
an oldie but a "goodie"
note: this was from 2021. not one of my darkest notes, but i was in a dark place which i have since clawed my way out of.
"Not everyone can feel things as deeply as you. Most people, their feelings are ... bland, tasteless. They'll never understand what it's like to read a poem and feel almost like they're flying, or to see a bleeding fish and feel grief that shatters their heart."
- Garey, Juliann. Too Bright to Hear Too Loud to See.
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