TW:

mention of suicide, sh, and many dark topics.

•••

I hate myself

I hate myself so badly

I hate myself with a burning passion

And maybe that's why I wanna burn my skin

To soften the burning passion

To keep the fire inside at bay

My heart physically hurts

It hurts so fucking bad

I'll clutch at my chest

Trying to rip out my heart

Cuz it would cause less pain

And if only I could live without a heart

Like the tin man did

I think I'd be okay

I hate feeling

It hurts to feel

And I just wanna be

I just wanna exist

I just don't want to feel

But I do

I do feel

And what I feel hurts

The pain is too intense

And I just wanna cry

And scream

And let all of it out

What if I killed myself

And released my pain on the world

Released my anger on the world

I just don't wanna feel

-- suicide note #8

•••

an oldie but a "goodie"

note: this was from 2021. not one of my darkest notes, but i was in a dark place which i have since clawed my way out of.

"Not everyone can feel things as deeply as you. Most people, their feelings are ... bland, tasteless. They'll never understand what it's like to read a poem and feel almost like they're flying, or to see a bleeding fish and feel grief that shatters their heart."

- Garey, Juliann. Too Bright to Hear Too Loud to See.