《This Time》|28| IKA-DALAWAMPU'T WALONG KABANATA
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"Do you like me, Amayah?"
I took her hand gently as she tried to take a step back, making her halt on her step. I didn't let my eyes falter from staring at her, filled with hope and anticipation for what she's about to say. I didn't want to scare her with being upfront, but honestly, this is what we need right now.
No more hesitations, no more mixed signals, no secrets, no fear, just us and the feelings we've kept hidden. Because if I'm going to assume, I at least think that she likes me, even just a little bit.
And I'm happy with that.
"I–" She bit her bottom lip, eyes avoiding mine. "Can we not talk about this?"
"Please, Amayah? Just once, I need you to be honest with me."
"I already told you–"
"Your words are different from your actions!" I couldn't help saying, a little louder than I would have liked but still managed to keep my voice down to not cause a commotion, specially with her child currently sleeping.
"I get that already, okay? You said you don't have feelings for me and it was very clear. But this– your reaction from seeing Vera and I kissed is the exact opposite of what you told me. If you don't like me, they why do you care if I kiss someone else? Because I may be new to this, but I'm not stupid, Amayah. I know jealousy when I see one."
There, I finally said it. The word I've been trying to avoid. She was acting jealous, but I didn't want to point it out straight.
"So answer me, why do you care if I kiss someone else?"
Dark brown eyes stared up at me, they were blazing, seemingly upset. "Leave, Aiden."
"Making me leave isn't going to fix any of this."
She scoffed. "What is there to fix? If you can't be mature and accept my decision, then maybe it's time for you to stop coming here."
I felt my heart drop at her words and the hurt was clear on my face. "You promised you wouldn't push me away."
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"And you promised to respect my decision." She whispered, voice broken and sounding defeated. Amayah knew her words cut deep, the regret showing on her face.
"How can I when you're giving me mixed signals?"
"I said I don't like you, Aiden. So please...let's just stop this already. If you're mistaking my reaction for jealousy then stop, because it's not about that."
"Then what is it about?" Amayah didn't answer. "If you don't like me, then you wouldn't mind if I kissed her again?"
"I said stop."
"If you don't like me, you wouldn't mind if Vera and I date–"
"I said stop!" Hands on my chest pushed me away from her. Tears brimming her dark brown eyes.
"Then answer me and I will." I said defeated, taking steps closer once again. "Do you like me, Amayah?"
"So what if I do?!" The tears fell, streaming down her cheeks and I felt an immense amount of disappointment in myself for being the cause of it. I made her cry. "What would change if I tell you I like you?"
My mouth moved to say something, anything, but I didn't know what. Because her question hit me. What would change?
She's still married, my professor, has a family. What I am doing with her?
"Nothing, Aiden. Nothing is going to change between us. If you think this is as easy as confessing each other's feelings then I'm sorry to tell you but it's not. A lot is at stake here, especially on my part and I want you to understand that. I have a son and a career to think about."
"I'm not expecting you to risk all of that." I said quietly, lips trembling as my hands involuntarily started quivering.
"Then what do you expect, Aiden?"
"I don't know, okay?! I'm... I'm not good at this, Amayah."
"Then let's just leave it at that, because we both know this isn't going to work."
"What if I want to try?" I asked, although the answer is something I already know and afraid of.
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"Want to try what? Dating me?" Her tone sounded mocking. "I have a son, I'm way older than you and a soon-to-be divorcee."
Wait, what? She finally agreed to divorce Sir Tristan?
"You're still young, Aiden. You have a lot of chances and time to meet someone your age, someone without a baggage. Why would you want to settle with me?"
"Are those supposed to scare me away? I don't know if you've noticed but you're pretty fucking awesome. I've never met someone so strong in my life aside from my mama. You've managed to handle all of your problems and still be a good mother and a kick-ass professor, and I think that's something you should be proud of. I already know all of those when I met you and when I realized that I have feelings for you."
"Those won't scare me away because that's kind of what happens when someone falls for you, Amayah."
In a blink of an eye, I felt soft lips land on mine as arms wrapped around my neck. My eyes widened in surprise and my body became stiff. It was like my mind went on haywire and all I could think was how her lips feel and taste. When Amayah pulled away with a clear regret on her face, I pulled her to me by her hand and without thinking too much, crashed our lips once again. It was her turn to be astonished.
After a few seconds of being still, Amayah's hands around my neck pulled me even closer. I then placed my hands on either side of her hips, trying to match the passion in every kiss.
The heat from her body almost burned me, our bodies so close to each other. Only the clothes separated us from feeling each other's bare skin. I could feel the fast beating of her heart and I'm pretty sure she could hear mine. The only sounds emitting the room are the soft whimpers escaping our lips.
Her smell intoxicated me, a mixture of lily and vanilla that I always found myself longing for everytime we shared an embrace. The way her body feels so soft against mine, feeling her chest and front pressing against me was killing me, it was all too much.
The kiss was hot and breathy, different from what I've been dreaming of. My heart was racing and beating so loudly against my chest that it was all I could hear. The moment seemed timeless as the passion between us deepened.
Tongues touched each other as my mouth opened, battling back and forth as if sharing one breath. It was a sensation I've never felt before, the way her lips move against mine and her touch sent shivers all throughout my body. I never wanted it to stop.
I had no idea how long we've been kissing that I felt my knees growing weak due to the intensity of it. I collapsed onto the couch, momentarily separating us apart before Amayah followed. Her legs straddling my thighs and lips once again capturing mine in a searing passion. Her fingers wound themselves through my hair, gripping lightly as I craned my neck up.
As if it has a mind of its own, my hands moved up and down the length of her back, the need to touch every part of her body consuming my being. A swipe of her tongue on my bottom lip elicited an involuntary moan from me.
Without my permission, a moan once again escaped my mouth when Amayah accidentally grinded onto my front. A soft whimper from the beauty above also followed. The heat rose to my member and that alone made me want to stop, but the way her lips move against mine had me feeling weak and fall into submission.
The sound of a car engine nearby made us halt, we slowly pulled away from each other's lips, a string of saliva following as we parted. Our slow and heavy breathing in sync as we stared in each other's eyes. Pupils dilated and eyes full of want.
"You're hard." She panted, her warm breath hitting my slightly parted lips.
"I noticed."
Wait– what the fuck?
Why isn't she surprised that something is hard?
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