Tw: Violence

"Happy birthday, Aiden Alastair Guevarra!"

I groaned, covering my face with a pillow as Julius' voice echoed around the room. Although their voices were muffled and I didn't hear what they're saying properly. The blanket was pulled off my body and the pillow I'm using as a cover. I grunted in pain when two bodies threw themselves at me. Lexie and Zoey laughed as I tried to push them off.

"Too early," I whined.

"Oh come on! Get up, it's your birthday. Let's celebrate!"

Once I finally registered what they're on about, I felt my heart constrict painfully against my chest. The memories of the past suddenly flashing into my mind and the pain from every hit coming back as if I was there again.

Years of hard work, trying to forget, learning to love myself and building up everything I lost during my time with him suddenly seemed to have vanished. My progress breaking and all I could feel is his hands, all I could hear is his voice and all I could see is his face.

All I could feel is pain.

"Hey, are you okay? What's wrong?" Lexie sat up, her voice full of worry as she glanced at the unshed tears.

I tried to fake a chuckle. "S-Sorry, I'm just really, really happy."

"Are you–"

"I can't wait for you to see what we did! You'll be sobbing!" Julius interrupted excitedly.

Lexie wasn't convinced with my answer and I knew she was curious. But her boyfriend and Zoey appeared to be unaware and too busy to gush.

"Can't wait," I smiled timidly. "Why don't you guys let me shower first?"

Lexie was hesitant but didn't get to argue as she was pulled away and I was left alone to my thoughts. The brief distraction didn't last.

I went inside the bathroom, putting myself under the stream of warm water as I tried to calm my breathing.

"When I get home later from work, we can celebrate, is that good?"

I nodded enthusiastically although mama couldn't see me. "Yup! That'd be awesome. I can't waitttt."

"I know, baby. I am, too," she chuckled. "Go finish your assignment and wait for me, okay?"

"Okay, mama. I love you."

"I love you, too. Bye, birthday girl."

The smile I had didn't last as soon as I heard heavy footsteps coming from the living room, his gruff voice echoing as he called my name. Fidgeting with my fingers, I descended downstairs to see the man I once admired sat on the couch with a bottle of alcohol in his hand.

The clean and shaven look his face usually has was replaced with unkept stubble. The usual smell of sandalwood now reeks of alcohol and sweat. My eyes automatically avoids his gaze as I looked down at the floor, my hands behind my back, waiting for what he's about to say.

"Happy birthday. " I didn't expect to be greeted ever since he found out about my defect, the shock must have shown on my face as he frowned. "You expecting a gift?"

I quickly shook my head."No, papa."

"Good. But don't fret, here," he tossed a paper bag that I thankfully caught. "For you."

My eyes lit up and hope rose in my chest. Maybe he would finally accept me and my choice to be a girl. Maybe he'll stop hurting me and Mama.

Papa urged me to open and the excitement in me couldn't wait so I did.

The hope didn't last and faded way too soon as my eyes landed on a pair of boy briefs, toy gun and a car, along with a family couple shirts, one with a word 'mommy', 'daddy', and 'little prince'.

"The fuck are you frowning for? You don't like my gift?" He grabbed my wrist and pulled me close. "You ungrateful brat."

I whimpered at the pain. "N-No, papa. I-I like it. Please let me go, you're hurting me."

"You wanted princess on it?" He mocked. I shook my head, tears forming in my eyes. "Stop fucking lying and answer me!"

"I'm a girl, papa!" I yelled through tears, and I soon regretted saying it when I felt a strong hand wrapped around my throat.

I felt an abundant amount of pain and my breathing slowly ceasing. And as I closed my eyes, I prepared myself to die.

The sound of knocking pulled me out of my thoughts. It was Julius telling me to move faster.

I breathe hard as I closed my eyes, trying to calm myself down before I face any of them. The suffocating feeling from his hand around my neck, I felt it all again. I touched my neck frantically, looking for any sign of his agonizing touch.

1...2...3...

1...2...3...

You're okay, Aiden. He's not here to hurt you anymore. You're not in pain. You're not dying. You're alive. You're safe. You're okay.

I'm okay.

With my eyelids shut, I hummed the lullaby my mama used whenever I can't fall asleep. Her voice was sweet and comforting, her warm smile and soft embrace bringing me to ease. Whenever I wake up from a nightmare, she was always there to make me feel safe.

But as I recalled her loving touch, another set of eyes invaded my mind. Dark and alluring, like an evening dusk never failing to stir me up. The warmth of her touch and gentle hug, it acts like a pillow cushioning my heart. Soft lips against my cheek and sweet voice calling my name, calming me down and bringing me to a world where I dreamed that everything was perfect.

Suddenly all I could feel is her gentle touch, all I could hear is the sweetness of her voice and all I could see are her captivating eyes.

And at that moment, I had the courage to tell her what I've been feeling all this time.

"Aiden? What are you doing here?"

Her perfectly shaped eyebrow rose in question as her eyes landed on me. I wasn't supposed to be here today, but the sudden urge to be finally honest about my feelings are too strong for me to ignore. I'm not expecting anything from coming here.

I don't expect her to say she likes me too or that I have a chance. I don't expect her to console me and tell me that I shouldn't feel this way. I'm not expecting anything, good or bad. It may sound selfish but I wanted it to be about me and my feelings. It's the first time I ever had the courage and I'm taking the opportunity.

I just want her to know.

As I stared at her beautiful eyes, I saw myself, standing brave, not the shy and scared Aiden. I saw my own reflection with a smile on my face despite the heavy pants leaving my lips.

And as she looks at me, all doubts and hesitations vanished.

"I like you."

I blurted out, still panting from biking all the way here from the campus.

"I've never had feelings for anyone before but I know that what I have for you is real. It's not infatuation, desire or a simple crush. I like you and it's something I can no longer deny and hide, and I'm sorry for telling you this and possibly causing you another burden. I like you, Miss. I know I shouldn't because you're married and you're my professor, amongst many other reason, but it's here."

"W-What–"

"You don't have to say or do anything. I know that my feelings aren't reciprocated. I just wanted you to know that someone appreciates you, that I care when you doubt that someone does. I've always been a coward, this time I don't want to. This time I want to be brave, this time I want to take a risk."

"This time, I'm sure that my feelings for you are true."

Wide captivating eyes stared up at mine, mouth agape as she stood stiff. A smile formed on my lips at the reaction, finding it adorable especially when I noticed she's wearing a pair of bear pajamas.

"Here," I took her hand in mine and placed the bouquet of pink tulips. "I have to go now, my friends are probably looking for me."

That seemed to get her out of the shock. "What? Where are–" I didn't let her finish and rode my bike. "Aiden! Where are you going?!"

I gave a salute. "It's my birthday, I'm celebrating. Bye, Miss!"