"Des.." I groaned.

"What? You know I'm right." She pointed wiggling her finger at me as she took another bite of pizza.

"No. It's been eighteen years Des. It's just everything rushing back from when I left." I denied.

"Deny it as much as you want Lyssa. You still love him."

I was about to deny it again when there was a knock on the door. I glared as Des who just snickered at me. I got up and opened the door to reveal Opie. "Hi... Um... I hope you don't mind but your dad gave me the address... I was hoping I could talk to you." He asked a little nervously, itching the back of his neck.

That familiar pang in my heart at the sight of him stung but I nodded anyways. "Ignore her." I said gesturing to a grinning Des on the couch.

He nodded and followed me out to the back porch. I sat down on the swing and patted the seat beside me. He sat down and folded his hands in his lap. "What did you need to talk about?" I asked.

"Why did you leave?" He blurted.

I sighed heavily and screwed my eyes shut. "You know why I left Harry..." I told him.

"You didn't have to leave." He mumbled.

"Yes I did... I couldn't stay here anymore. Not after everything. I couldn't sit and watch you be happy with her while I was miserable. So, I went to Canada. I studied dance, just like I always wanted to. I made myself happy." I told him.

He nodded. "Well, you've done really well for yourself.. You dad has shown us some of the shows you've done. You're a great dancer."

"Thank you." I replied.

"Your welcome." After his words an awkward silence engulfed us.

I fiddled around with the rings on my fingers and the bracelets on my wrist. "Dad told me about Donna and Piney..." I muttered. "I'm really sorry Opie... You know I loved your dad."

"Yeah..." He mumbled looking down. "You know I thought it would feel better once Clay was gone. It doesn't. It doesn't change the fact that they're dead."

"It never will Ope..." I told him.

"It hurts Alyssa... Everything hurts. I don't know how to fix everything. To move on. Fuck, my own kids barely know who I am. Jax says I'm too reckless... What do I do?" He shook his head and screwed his eyes shut. "Lyssa ever since -"

"No." I cut him off.

"We have to talk about it Alyssa..." He told me.

I felt tears in my eyes. "No we don't." I replied shaking my head.

"Yes we do... Neither of us have been able to move one since it happened. I'm betting you haven't mentioned or told anyone about it. But bottling it up isn't helping either of us."

"I told Desireé." I mumbled.

"And I talked to my dad but it doesn't help... WE need to talk about it..." He pleaded.

"Not tonight please Opie... Just give me until tomorrow please." I pleaded.

He nodded. It was another few awkward moments of silence until he scooped up my small body and held me. As much hurt as I carried from the events eighteen years ago, being in his arms again brought me a sense of peace and familiarity. The feeling of him holding me made my heart swell and I felt relaxed.

"I'm sorry Alyssa..." He whispered holding me close.

"It doesn't matter anymore Harry... It's all been said and done." I replied still curled into the warmth of him.

"Yes it does... because I should have helped you. I should have let you help me. Instead I found comfort in the arms of someone else... That wasn't right and I'm sorry for that."

"It's okay Opie. I forgive you." I told him.

"You shouldn't."

"Yes I should Opie. It's been eighteen years. It's time to let it go and move on."

He nodded and hugged me tight. We stood up from the swing and he looked at me. "Tomorrow around twelve?" He asked.

I sighed but nodded. I don't want to sit down with Opie and talk about what happened but he is right. We need to talk about it. Him and I. I walked Opie to the door and big him goodbye before flopping down on the couch.

Desireé sat beside me, just staring at me expectantly. "Maybe you're right... I think I do still love him..." I groaned.

Des laughed and leaned over to hug me. "It'll all work out if it's meant to be Lyssa."

After that we watched our movie before parting ways and heading to bed. I laid down in my bed and stared at the ceiling. Not too sure what to think or do. Part of me wanted to call Opie and tell him I couldn't do it. I couldn't talk about it, the other part of me wanted to call him just to come stay with me. Get him to open up about everything.

Then that tiny voice in the back of my head screamed at me to walk away. Screamed at me to just leave well enough alone, and to push Opie away. That he was my past and I should leave him there... But I couldn't help but feel like even after all this time he still has feelings for me. When I saw him on my first day back it was like I hadn't been gone for eighteen years. The way he just collapsed in my arms and let loose some of that pain he's been carrying. He held me so close it was like he was afraid I'd disappear.

I began to let my mind wander to possibilities. I sighed and got up heading down to our personal studio downstairs. I changed into a pair of leggings and a sports bra. I threw my hair up into a messy bun and slipped on my ballet slippers.

I played some soft music and began to dance around. My movements fluid and graceful as I spun, leapt and danced around the room. My mind was clear as I finally crawled up into bed hours later as the sun was peeking out from the horizon.