I got home and thanked the driver after giving him a hundred and told him to keep the change. On a normal day, I wouldn't have but I was so distructed I didn't care.

I walked up to the gate with my umbrella, it was raining but not hard just lightly. When I opened the door, I was met with a glaring Mndeni, he looked pissed, he was just sitting there looking at me as if he was ready to cook and eat me any minute now. I avoided eye contact and put the umbrella behind the door and took off my coat, hung it.

Snakes: Where have you been?

I looked at him as I took off my beanie and tossing it on the couch. I didn't want to talk right now, I'm still confused about everything, I don't want to waver the trust I have in him because of what my mother said. So I lied.

Me: I went to see Moana.

He chuckled, great he didn't believe me, it's probably the first time I've lied to him, and I'm such a bad liar, he saw right through me.

Snakes: Funny, because I called her asking if you arrived safely there considering the fact that you didn't answer my calls and it's fucking raining outside and guess what? She had no fucken clue of what I was talking about, shocker.

Okay, so Snakes has been blowing up my phone since I left without him, I had told him I was going to Sino's place he insisted on coming but I said no. He called a couple of times but I never answered, probably why he called Sino.

Snakes: Why the fuck didn't you answer your damn phone?

Me: I was busy, what are you, stalking me now?

He sucked his teeth and his nose flared up, he was so so pissed. But I was getting worked up too.

Snakes: Stalking you? Alright so I'm going to ask you again, where were you?

He said as he got up from his chair, crossing his arms.

Me: I said I was busy, can you not make a big deal out of this, please?

Snakes: What the- we keeping shit from each other now? Is that what we doing Monalisa?

Oh he didn't.

Me: Oh funny you say that really.

I sassely shot back at him, he probably didn't expect that from me.

Snakes: The fuck do you mean by that?

Me: Nothing.

I said as I tried to move to the lounge, truth is I was cold and I needed to be near the fireplace right now, hell I needed him.

But we don't get what we want in life now do we? He grabbed my arm and turned me around, he towered over me with his intimidating self.

Snakes: What's wrong with you?

Me: No-

Snakes: Quit that shit, why you lying?

Me: I'M LYING? WHAT ABOUT YOU HUH?

He looked at me all confused I thought about what to say next, should I say it or not but before I could make a decision in my head my mouth had moved on it's own accord.

Me: WHAT ABOUT YOU KILLING MY FATHER?

He let go of my arm, I thought he was hurt by my words but when I looked at him, he looked horrified he blinked so many times I thought he was turning blind. I moved closer to him, taking his arm.

Me: You didn't do it right?

He refused to look at me, he had this defeated look in his eyes, God please no.

Me: Look at me!

I pleaded but he didn't pay heed to my words.

Me: LOOK AT ME DAMNIT!!

I cried out at him, his eyes snapped right to mine.

Snakes: Mo-

Me: Tell me you didn't kill daddy.

I commanded, waiting for his reply, he just kept looking at me with a desperate expression. Why the fuck is he looking at me like that, I want him no, I need him to say he didn't. But he didn't instead he looked right into my eyes and shattered my heart in pieces.

Snakes: I didn't know he was your father.

He looked at me with so much regret and desperation to believe him.

I know he didn't know me and he didn't know he was my father but he found out, still he kept it from me, and I can't just accept that the person I'm in love with killed my father, that's not justice.

He saw the look on my face and he winced. He tried to come closer to me but I moved away, he looked so hurt by my actions.

Snakes: Monalisa please-

Me: When did you find out the man you killed was daddy?

He looked away and looked back at me, his jaw clenched like he didn't want to do this. Tough luck, I want to do this.

Snakes: A couple of weeks ago...

I narrowed my gaze at him as I kept bombarding him with more questions. A couple of weeks ago!!!!

Me: Were you ever going to tell me?

He doesn't say anything, I hate that, why can't he just prove me wrong and say something to make me feel better and maybe this feeling of dread will go away, because right now all I want is him to be out of my sight.

Me: You weren't ever going to tell me, oh my God I was so stupid.

Snakes: My love listen to me-

I put my hand to stop him from going further.

Me: Don't call me that ever again.

He shook his head, I shook mine too, he took a step forward I took one back he tried to touch me I backed away.

Me: Don't touch me- just don't!

I gritted, by now I was a hot mess, tears on my face, probably red eyes too and my throat was so clogged from suppressing the sobs that wanted to come out.

Why was God doing this to me, I finally found someone who loved me sincerely and took good care of me, someone who made me feel worthy. And in a matter of minutes he snatched that happiness away from me. Why? He looked hurt that I didn't want him near me, like he wanted to say something but he couldn't find any words.

Snakes: I love you, please I only hid this from you because I didn't want you to leave me, Monalisa please don't leave, I won't live without you, I can't.

I was not even concentrating on him, I didn't have the energy to argue anymore. I didn't even fight him when he took my face in his hands and looked at me with eyes blood shot red. I just stared at him, trying to convince myself that it couldn't be that the love of my life killed my father. But who was I kidding, he was here in front of me telling me he did it. My heart and body was fighting to just hold him and tell him I understand all his reasonings but my mind refused to understand anything, it was already fogged by everything he had just told me.

He put his forehead on mine and looked into my eyes, searching for something, probably forgiveness. My face was blank, just tears falling down my cheeks, he closed his eyes, I watched him lean closer and kiss my tears on my face and lips. Instinctively I closed my eyes too.

Snakes: You promised, you promised you would never leave me, don't break it please.

Me: You lied, I guess we even now, bye Snakes.

I said before tugging myself from his hold and moving to the door. He caught hold of my arm and yanked me back to his chest.

Snakes: No! No please, don't ever call me that, you can't just end this, Monalisa I love you please I'm sorry, don't leave!

He begged hugging my numb body pressed to his. I cried in his arms, he cried on my shoulder because it was the last time we'd ever find comfort in each other again, last time I kissed his lips. And last time I looked in those eyes and found my entire existence, I had to remind myself that this was for daddy. I pushed him, he stumbled back as he didn't expect it and I ran outside, leaving the umbrella behind, everything behind, him too.

***

I've been walking on the side of the empty road, I'm drenched as hell, I'm cold but I don't have time to be nursing it right now, my heart hurts, it's as if someone stabbed it repeatedly with a sharp dagger. My knees gave up, and I just went down, I sat down and brought my knees to my chest and cried for what seemed to be forever. It hurt so bad, God it hurt like nothing I've ever endured in my life. My thoughts went back to last night, the way we made love, the dance, everything just seemed perfect just last night, what happened all of a sudden, God why me.

It was as if we knew it was the last time we made love to each other. At that thought I wailed, I cried not just a cry but an ugly cry at that. How could this world be so cruel to me like the way it has? it's not fair, no it's not right. No matter how much my brain claimed to hate this man, my heart loved him like no other, my body yearned for him to hold me and tell me it's okay. I wonder if he ate, is he hurt, is he crying still? Is he broken and shallow in inside like I am without him.

Again I had to remember that I had to honor daddy.