She can't die on me, I won't let her.

Dr: She's fortunate to have been found from that predicament sooner, or the situation could have been different right now. She didn't lose that much blood but the wound is deep. I'd suggest you keep her under observation to prevent such circumstances again Mr-

Me: Zikalala.

Dr: Right Mr Zikala, she should wake up in an hour, I'll escort you to her ward.

I curtly nodded. The Dr led me to Mona's room. I pushed the door open, I saw her, laying there. She looked so damn beautiful without trying and in a hospital bed. But she looked so tired, I felt my heart ache. I slumped to a chair next to her bed and pulled her hand, engulfing it in my big one. I brought it to my lips, letting it linger there for a little longer.

Me: The day I saw you at that hotel, I couldn't get you off my mind. And then I saw you at the house and all I could think of was you screaming out my name while I pound on you, was you smiling because I said something cute or cheesy, was you laughing because I said some stupid shit. Damn woman all it took for me to fall in love with you was just a glance. And then I kissed you, I knew I was gonna make you my wife but-

I felt my eyes burn, not wanting to fucken cry, because I wasn't a fucken baby. I looked up and blinked more than a thousand times. Futile, because a lone tear fell down anyway. I reached for her face, caressing her cheek. She looked so peaceful and so darn gorgeous.

Me: I should've shown you how much I love you. I thought giving you space was the right thing to do but now I see that I was wrong, and Sanele is a dick for advising that shit. And now, like the dipshit I am, I'm going to live making up for it. Just wake up, let me love you the way you deserve to be loved, please, Mona.

The door creaked open. Siya, Mbali, Sanele and Sino walked it. I was surprised they brought their women here, because I know for a fact, they didn't know about Mona. But then again they must have told them about my 'relationship'. I smile at them, against how I was feeling inside. I just wished they didn't give me pity eyes right now.

Me: Glad you came, all of you.

Mbali: Anytime.

Siya: Yeah, anytime.

Sino: When will she wake up?

Me: In about-

I check my watch on my wrist..

Me: half an hour.

She nods and the room is quiet, but not awkward, and I think they don't want to say anything that might tick me off, since it's a sensitive matter. But right now my focus wasn't on them, my attention was on Mona. Mbali makes her way to the bedside, she looks at her for a long minute and shakes her head. I didn't entertain her, I don't know what that little stunt meant, but I'll deal with that later.

Sanele: Anyone for coffee?

Mbali: I'd like some babe, oh and can I also have some wings with fries with...

Sanele: Great, now I have to go all the way from the hospital.

Mbali: I'm not forcing you Sanele. Just thought you'd be more considering towards your pregnant girlfriend but no-

Sino: Since you getting food, count me in on those wings.

I was genuinely grateful for that interruption, otherwise she would've went on and on and I wasn't having it at the moment.

Siya: I'm good man.

Sanele: Snakes?

Me: Nah I'm good.

Siya and Sanele share a look, which I know very well, bastards.

Me: What?

Siya: When last did you eat?

Me: Last night.

Sanele: Cool, so pizza it is then.

If he was going to buy it anyways, then why did the dickhead ask me. I knew he knew I didn't eat.

Mona: Make that two large boxes.

I whip my head so fast and I swear my heart just did a fucken backflip. She looks at the people around until her eyes fall on me, and she smiles. She fucken smiles!! I move closer to her and cup her face and I kiss her.

I kiss her like my life depends on it. I pull back, lean my forehead to hers and look in those beautiful grey eyes, just like the first time I saw them, beautiful!

Mona: How long have you been waiting to do that?

Me: You have no fucken idea.

She smiles and someone clears their throat. I had forgotten about the doofuses surrounding us when I got lost in her eyes.

Siya: PDA!

Me: Fuck off.

Siya rolls his eyes at me and smiles at Mona before introducing himself. So does the rest and she doesn't seem tense which makes me glad. I was worried she would feel uncomfortable around new faces.

Mbali: Girl, for someone who's hospitalised you sure look beautiful.

Mona sends her one of her cutest smiles.

Sino: Yeah your hair is kind of all over the place but you still look good.

Mona: Thank you ladies for trying to make me feel better, I appreciate it.

She turns back to glance at me. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. And I don't think I was going to anytime soon.

Mbali: I would sit here all day and watch all this cuteness on 3D but this baby though. And I'm so darn hungry, where is that man!!?

She stomps out the room, I swear that woman is crazy, but I like her like that, she's cool. Sino laughs and they all decide to leave.

Siya: We'll be just around, welcome to the family.

Me: Thank you man.

I nod, he leaves and I turn my full attention to my girl. She looks down, and only now I see that she has been holding in her tears. And it was like something snapped, because she let them fall freely. I pull her to my embrace. Soothing her back and placing kisses on the side of her head. After a while she speaks.

Mona: I'm sorry.

Me: Hey, what are you sorry about?

Mona: I'm putting you through all this trouble, I feel like a burden to you and I know it would've been easier if I had just died.

I pull away and look at her, now she's talking shit.

Me: You not a burden to me okay. I want to take care of you, I want to see you smile, I need you healed and I need you to forget about the past.

Mona: It's not as easy as you think.

Me: I know, and I'm here for all of that, I'll be here when you feel like breaking down, I'll be here when shit feels too much and I'll surely be here when you need me to hold you down and show you just how worthy you are.

Mona: Why? I mean you have this great life, and I'm just going to be a whole mess, and eventually you'll get exhausted.

Me: You think I'm playing here? You think I'm here at this hospital because I'm bored and need a hobby? I felt my heart stop when I saw you in that tub, not moving.

Mona: Mndeni that's not what...

Me: I love you.

She looks at me, I clench my jaw. I know it'll take a while for her to love me back but at least I got to tell her how I feel.

Me: I fucken love you so damn much, and it hurts to see you like that, but how am I supposed to help you when you won't let me. Or just tell me what to do to make it all go away. I'll even trade my life for yours, please just don't shut me out.

She just sits there staring at me without any expression. I get infuriated because I know she's not gonna let me in, she's so darn stubborn. I need air right now before I flip. I love her and I understand she's hurting so I'll just head out before I say some shit.

I grab my jacket on the sofa and pull the knob. I glance back at her, fuck she's crying and I hate it, I fucken hate it when she cries. I shut my eyes and open them again.

Mona: I'm sorry.

Me: I won't give up on you Mona.

And I shut the door and stride to the elevator. I texted Siya and told him I needed some air, the girls will stay with Mona for a while.

Snakes closer his eyes for a brief moment, I could see the hurt in them. I felt my heart clench at the sight of him hurting but I can't help it that I'm so damaged I don't know how to love someone. Or how to receive that kind of love.

Me: I'm sorry.

I apologize because I'm hurting him, I'm apologizing because I'm not good enough for him, and I'm apologizing because I know I won't be able to let him in. But he won't let me go.

Snakes: I won't give up on you Mona.

I swear the well opened and my tears were set free. He left but he'll come back, I may not be able to fight for us but I'm glad he is.

The door opens, Sino and Mbali walk in. Seeing my meltdown they quickly rush to my side and hug me, careful not to hurt me. After a while and we just sitting.

Mbali: Weird how it was me not so long ago in the hospital crying because Sanele walked out on me.

Me: Why? What happened.

Mbali: I wanted to kill my baby.

Me: The one you carrying?

She nods and sighs. Ohh tough! But it seems like she loves him and she'd anything for him, even keep the baby. I wish I had a choice like that but mine was striped away from me and I'll never hold my baby in my arms.

Sino: What's wrong? You seem too upset over what Mbali said.

Me: No, its not what she said, it's just that a few months ago I lost my child.

Mbali: I'm so sorry, shit I shouldn't have brought that up. I didn't know...

Me: It's okay, you didn't know. I just wish I had a choice in the matter of my baby's life but I guess not.

They hugged me again, and I actually felt like I had a family. I was so grateful to Snakes, because even though he didn't know it, he gave me them.

Sino: That man loves you, and he'll come back for you and I know Zulu man are scavengers so...

I laugh in between sniffles, wiping my tears. I smile actually feeling better.

Me: Thank you.