of all the stories i've heard, written and read,

——📓——

Kim Taeyeon was an aspiring author who published books by the alias KYN.

Each book was better than the last.

So you could imagine the pressure she's holding right now.

Suffocating..

"Unnie," her editor's voice calls out from the doorway, Taeyeon looks up from her laptop, dark bags under her eyes standing out from her pale, tired face. Hyoyeon winces at the sight of thr author's face. "You look like shit."

Taeyeon rolls her eyes, "Gee, thanks for the confidence boost."

Hyoyeon sheepishly looks away, rubbing the back of her neck. "Just calling it the way I see it. Anyways," she changes the topic to the main reason she came. "You need to go out, Unnie. Get a muse or inspiration!"

"Isn't that the same thing?" Taeyeon closes her laptop's lid, laying her head om her arms, closing her eyes. Terribly tired from staying up all night; writing and downing cups of coffee.

"Nope." Hyoyeon answers, shaking her head. "A muse is a girlfriend, one that you very much need, so you get out more often and eat and someone to take care of you, someone who'll relax you and ease you out of tension! And inspiration, locks you in this apartment of yours, until you've written then all down!"

Taeyeon peeks open one eyes, looking at Hyoyeon. "The hell even was that explanation?"

"I'm saying, you need a muse." Hyoyeon clarifies. "I mean, come on Noona! You're writing a book on romance and it's a happy ending."

Taeyeon scoffs, "you don't know that. I havent even submitted anything to you yet."

"You said you were going to write something different. Romance and happy ending is different from your past books." Hyoyeon picks on her nails, "also, I've known you for so long. I know you, Unnie."

Taeyeon groans, "okay, okay, you do." She raises her head.

"Are you sure though?" Hyoyeon asks.

"About what?" Taeyeon rubs her head, opening her laptop once again, typing in the password.

"You know, writing in a man's p.o.v and.. homosexuality."

"Yes." Taeyeon sighs, "it's about time I went out of my comfort zone.. Besides, it's time I really touch the topic.. I mean, in the past books, I was just implying.."

"You want this book to be your biggest?"

"Yeah." Taeyeon answers, staring at the empty word tab. "To the point no one can't ignore it."

—

Taeyeon was out.. for the first time in three weeks.

Then again, she was out of groceries, so she really needed to drag her ass out of her apartment.

Get more coffee, ramen, chips and everything unhealthy.

Taeyeon takes a shopping cart and heads in the store, making a beeline to the ramen section, she immediately takes stacks of ramen, no matter the flavour, almost emptying out the whole section.

"That can't be healthy." Someone remarks from behind Taeyeon, slightly startling her.

Someone appears from beside her, "so many ramen.."

Taeyeon looks at her, a little irritated. She's pretty, tall and... Nosy. "I don't think that's any of your business.." She looks at the nametag by the taller's chest. Ahh, she works here.. "Yoona-ssi."

She raises her hands in surrender, sheepish. "Sorry."

Taeyeon shrugs her off, pushing the cart to the next aisle containing coffee.

"Heyy, what's your name?" The worker jogs to catch up with her.

"Why?" Taeyeon asks, grabbing 3 boxes of 3in1 coffee, as i've said, she's super unhealthy and lazy.

"Wanna be friends?"

"No." Taeyeon answers, pushing the cart after she was done.

"Why not?" The girl walks beside her.

Taeyeon groans, "don't you have work to do?"

"Finished them all." Yoona smiles at her widely, skipping as she walks beside Taeyeon.

"I don't like friendly people like you." Taeyeon states, giving Yoona a blank stare.

"Then how are you going to get friends without people like me?"

"In unique, non-overbearing ways where friendship just happens." Taeyeon answers. "You ask too many questions."

"And your answers are too cryptic." She pouts, crossing her arms.

Taeyeon casts an irritated look at her, "why me?"

"You seemed to stand out."

"I'm the only one here."

"That, and you have an unhealthy amount of ramen in your cart." Yoona smiles.

"Of course." Taeyeon deadpans.

"So, what's your favorite color?"

"Leave me alone."

"Ahh.. Black. So cliche of you."

"What—"

"I like pink. It's cute."

"Are you not listening to me?"

"Let's be friends!"

—

"So, what's up? How's it going with the book?" Hyoyeon takes a seat infront of Taeyeon, sipping on her coffee.

"Fucking hate writer's block." Taeyeon grumbles, crushing the poor cookies Hyoyeon had ordered for them both.

"That cookie did nothing to you." Hyoyeon mourns at the poor cookie who was now only mere crumbs littering their table.

"I as well to my brain but I don't seem to get anything out to write." Taeyeon's eyes twitches.

"Let me help you out then," Hyoyeon proposes. "What is it about again? Oh yeah, this guy named Jimin struggling with his sexuality and coping with depression and studies stuff. Typical loner, no friends. And then meets Hoseok, all time sunshine who introduces him to dance, a form of art. Meets Yoongi, supposed to be the guy he is going to end up with but he has a crush on Hoseok—"

"Did you open my laptop.. Again?" Taeyeon groans out the last word, her head falling back.

"Woops. I was excited! This book really is super out of your comfort zone. It's refreshing." Hyoyeon takes a sip of her coffee.

"Whatever.." Taeyeon picks on the crumbs littering the table. "I don't want it to be that cliche book where the main character gets over his issues because he got a boyfriend. I want it to be.. as realistic as possible."

"You mean, make the character suffer through a lot. So much angst.. Ahh, the pain your readers will have to live through when this gets published."

"Life is already painful for everyone, what more will a book do?"

"You're so pessimistic." Hyoyeon shakes her head at Taeyeon.

"I'm realistic." Taeyeon corrects.

"Uh-huh, sure. So, the book? Progress?"

"I'm not even halfway through the plot yet. 50,000 words and no character improvement yet." Taeyeon groans. "Why didn't I accept that medical course again?"

"Because you loved literature more." Hyoyeon answers, "don't worry Unnie. You can do this. Besides, you went through this with your past... Like, seven? Oh yeah. Eight books. You'll survive."

"I really feel like I can't do this Hyoyeon-ah." Taeyeon grumbles.

"You said that last time too, drama queen unnie."

"I mean it this time."

"That too."

"Urgh."

Hyoyeon looks at Taeyeon in pity, "You should really let loose, Unnie. Go to walks, parks, the mall, research, read books, movies. Anything! Just relax.. Besides, you have like, 12 months still deadline. Plenty of time."

"It's 11 months now."

"What's the difference?"

"A month." Taeyeon deadpans.

"Eh." Hyoyeon waves off.

—

I can't believe I'm actually listening to Hyoyeon.

Taeyeon grips her small notebook and pen as she takes a seat on a bench, staring at a kid who was hand feeding the ducks.

Unfortunately, peace does not last.

Not with Taeyeon at least.

"We meet again!"

Taeyeon groans, "what are you doing here, Yoona-ssi?"

The girl takes a seat beside her. "Enjoying life."

Taeyeon gives her an unimpressed look.

Yoona smiles at her, not minding her looks, knowing that she was just naturally grumpy. "So, what's your name?"

"Guess."

"But.. That's so tiring. There are millions of names out there." Yoona pouts.

"And I only have one." Taeyeon deadpans.

"Exactly!"

Taeyeon just sighs.

She supposes that maybe a little company will be nice.. Fill the silence..

"I have a puppy, do you have a puppy? Puppies are cute—"

Taeyeon swears, she hates people so much.

—

Timeskip because i've gotten lazy, three months after, Yoona and Taeyeon started hanging out in the park.

At first, she planned to never go back there, but then Yoona said she would follow Taeyeon to her house and stalk her. Yoona would never but she really wanted to befriend Taeyeon, by hook or by crook. She knew it was kinda... pushy. Also, Taeyeon didn't know she wouldn't really stalk her, so its okay and just a minor detail bla.

"Taeyeon-unnie!" Yoona skips over to Taeyeon who had her laptop on her lap... typing. "Ooh, what are you doing?"

"Nothing." Taeyeon answers, closing the lid.

Yoona doesn't push her, but instead, she gives Taeyeon some of the snacks she bought and launches into a new topic regarding University.

Turns out, Yoona was a Prof. That was her real job.. The conveniemce store stuff was just her filling in for her sister's shift.

Taeyeon was definitely not.. surprised when she found out.

Okay maybe she was and Yoona sulked for an hour before Taeyeon made up for it with banana chips.

"So unnie, what are you doing on Friday?" Yoona asks Taeyeon who was only listening to her.

"Work home. Drink more coffee." Taeyeon answers, tucking her hair behind her ear when the wind suddenly picks up, its pace.

"Is it important?"

"Not really, why?"

"My friends and I have this dinner together.. I was wondering if you wanna come.."

Taeyeon bites her lip, looking a little skeptic.

"It's okay if you dont want to!" Yoona smiles at her, rubbing her arm, looking coy and shy.. and was that a look of hope in the younger's eyes?

"Uhh.. No! I.. I'll come." Taeyeon mutters. Great, more socializing. "Can I bring someone with me, though?"

"Yes, sure!" Yoona's eyes lit up. "The more the merrier!"

—

"Where are we going again?" Hyoyeon asks, combing her hair using her hands as she stared at herself on Taeyeon's car's side mirror.

"Dinner. With a friend." Taeyeon finally answers, having enough of Hyoyeon's repetitive questions.

"Finally." Hyoyeon mutters, "wait.. A friend? I'm the only friend you have!" She gasps, "unnie, you managed to befriend someone?!"

"Shut up." Taeyeon grumbles, parking on a free spot. "Come on, we're probably late already."

"Unnieeeeee, details laterrr."

"I'm locking you in the car if you dont get out now."

"You are so mean." Hyoyeon pouts, but gets out anyway.

—

Dinner went well.

Hyoyeon got along with them, took a girl named Jessica's number and they almost got kicked out for being too loud. Yoona kept on babbling to her and feeding her.. basically, Yoona wouldn't leave her alone. (She was secretly thankful and pleased she had Yoona's attention all night, otherwise, she would have been out of place. But would never admit that out loud of course.)

And then there was Sooyoung and Yuri.... She wasn't sure about them, they had so much character. Jessica was cool. And Tiffany kept on trying to spoonfeed Juhyun.

Wow, Taeyeon thinks. She remembered all their names..

This was a lot. Considering Yoona had loads of friends and was only introduced to them once or twice.

"I'm so full," Hyoyeon moans painfully in the backseat, clutching her stomach.

Taeyeon looks at her briefly and then focusesher gaze back to the road, "that's called Karma, you freeloading turtle."

"You don't understand, you never did." Hyoyeon cries out, "Free food is once in a lifetime! You snatch the opportunity at any given time—"

"You just contradicted yourself in the one whole sentence. What a talent. Remarkable." Taeyeon remarks, sarcastic as ever.

Hyoyeon just cries in the backseat.

Taeyeon sighs, "I'll get you stomach pills at a Pharmacy we're passong by in 5 minutes, just.. Hang on."

Hyoyeon replies with a thankful grunt.

A whole silence filled with Hyoyeon's fiddling in the backseat stretched oht for five minutes before Taeyeon pulled over, promising Hyoyeon to be back.

"Stomach ache, please? Too much eating?" Taeyeon asks the pharmacist who immediately nods and Taeyeon takes out her wallet and phone, she takes out a 500 won bill, predicting it to be around that price. And suddenly, her phone tings.

From: Yoona ♦

I had a great time. (^O^)/ Hope you did too. Goodnight, sleep well. UwU.

Taeyeon feels a small smile creep on.

—

"Hey, unnie."

"Hmm.."

"-—it didn't feel as how books normally described the feeling. Jimin didn't suddenly look at Yoongi in a new angle, the sunlight didn't reflect on his face and Jimin suddenly realizes. No. It was different.

Jimin felt himself falling. Knew even he was going to fall.

And he didn't know why he didn't stop before the feeling got stronger. Maybe he liked the feeling of euphoria whenever he was with Yoongi? Or maybe he really just liked setting his pathetic self up for disasters.

At first, with Hoseok and now, Yoongi? When will he ever learn?

No one will ever accept him.

Broken. Useless. Different.

The new feeling choked him. His body curls into a fetus position, making seem smaller than he was. He was scared.

But he was also happy.

He loves him.

It gave him a false sense of hope.

His own emotions were contradicting and clashing.

He didn't know which emotion tofocus on.

But he knew.. he couldn't avoid Yoongi.

He can't.

Maybe, he could just love him secretly by his side. Yoongi would never notice anyway, he was that oblivious.

And so what if Yoongi got a girlfriend and he feels jealous and his heart breaks again and he feels the familiar pain in his chest?

He's used to it—"

"Oohhh, I see you're in a good mood. You're writing really fast and it seems like the book is finally heading somewhere." Hyoyeon wipes away an imaginary tear. "Finally!"

Taeyeon stops typing, casting Hyoyeon an irritated look. "Shut up."

"And it only lasts for so long." Hyoyeon sighs, plopping ungracefully on Taeyeon's bed.

Taeyeon ignores her and continues on typing on her laptop, the words and plot plans coming in a wsve and she really wanted to be able to write them all down immediately. She liked this feeling whenever she wrote, the feeling of knowing what you were going to write as the words just poured out, it felt awfully relaxing and relieved Taeyeon of stress that she often got when Writer's Block struck.

"I'm making coffee, want some?" She hears Hyoyeon ask.

"Sure." Taeyeon answers, her gaze never leaving her laptop screen.

"You know, you seem to be alot more relaxed than before, I wonder why." Hyoyeon placed the cup of coffee beside Taeyeon's laptop. "Maybe its because you started hanging out with social butterfly, Yoona?"

Taeyeon's left eyebrow rose, her typing starting to pick up pace. "What are you getting at, Hyo?"

Hyoyeon rolls her eyes, "You and I both know you like her, Unnie. You wouldn't have willingly hung out with her."

"I told you, she said she was going to—"

"Bullshit, you still wouldn't have. You find her pretty and charming." Hyoyeon cuts her off.

Taeyeon sighs at having been caught and read so easily by Hyoyeon, she stops typing, her shoulders slumping. "So what if I like her that way?"

"Duh! You ask her out!" Hyoyeon states as if it was the most obvious thing ever. "We know she likes you too. It's too painfully obvious."

"I don't want to and I know." Taeyeon simply answers.

Hyoyeon blinks.

Is she really?

"Unnie, are you serious?"

"You know how I am, Hyo. Yes, she inspires me and all. She's cute. We like each other, but do you really think I'm capable of holding a relationship..?" Taeyeon trails off, staring at the cup of coffee. "Especially with her?"

Hyoyeon sighs, slumping backwards on the bed messing up the covers and pillows on Taeyeon's bed as if it was hers. "Hopeless."

"I know I am."

"And what if she asks you out? You know how she is, it's not impossible."

Taeyeon bites her lip as she thought over the question.

Lose her when I deny or accept, get in a relationship, fuck up and lose her anyway?

"You know, I've always deemed those stories with the painfully oblivious characters as something really.. I don't know what was that word again? Oh yeah, disastrous. But this..? This just tops the cake. You have a chance at something that could actually make you happy Unnie.. And you.. you don't even want it..."

"I can be happy without a girlfriend. Happiness doesn't depend on that." Taeyeon shuts her eyes close, gritting her teeth.

Hyoyeon knew she was pushing Taeyeon, and so, she decides to get up and leave... with one last line. "I know happiness doesn't depend on getting a girlfriend or a special someone.. But you've never gave yourself a chance to smile until her. And I just wanted you to keep doing it."

Taeyeon wrote and wrote that night.. the book half-way completed yet filled with sad, heartbroken words and an ending she wasn't sure was going to be happy anymore.

—

Taeyeon started ignoring Yoona.

Just like every character who was conflicted with their feelings in every cliche book she's read when she was still young and learning.

Taeyeon didn't know since when her life was becoming a cliche, she was an author who wrote books that didn't end in a happy note, she wrote about the opposite. She avoided writing about cliches, she hated them.

They gave false hope.

False hope for love that only existed in books.

One that she wasn't capable of.

Quite sad, actually.

Taeyeon opens her phone, immediately getting bombarded by Yoona's texts. The younger has chosen to spam her with multiple texts since Taeyeon had started avoiding her.

All that ranged from her questions on why Taeyeon was ignoring her, then to how her days went and then to saying sorry for whatever she did and then to..

From: Yoona♦

Did you realize I like you? Is that why you're ignoring me?

Taeyeon sighs.

She closes her phone, shuts it off and goes as far as to taking out the battery. Stop re-reading them Taeyeon, just.. stop.

She rubs her face, sighing. She gets up from her position, heading to the kitchen to make dinner, which again, is ramen because she's a lazy cook and likes being unhealthy.

(Not really. She's just really lazy to cook.)

Everything is well, the water is boiling, the faint sound of TV and Music mixed into the background to fill Taeyeon's apartment's silence and Taeyeon wallows in her self pities and insecurities.

It was peaceful.

And of course, if she forced herself into Taeyeon's life by disrupting the peace Taeyeon thought she had in her life, ofcourse she's going to force herself back by disrupting the peace in Taeyeon's apartment.

It's just the way it works.

Taeyeon jumps from her position when she hears Yoona's excessive banging on her door paired with her yells.

"KIM TAEYEON, YOU WILL OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW AND FACE ME! YOU HEAR ME?! OPEN IT RIGHT NOW!"

Taeyeon immediately goes to the door, holding a hand on where her heart is.