《Good For Gone》Start and Stop
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I refused to get out of bed the next day. I had no interest in doing anything. My undyed roots and chipping nail polish could go fuck themselves.
I couldn't stop thinking about it. The idea of Peter being with me every waking moment and not telling me something like that.
Maybe he liked it. I would be like him, maybe that's what he wanted.
But, would I even technically be me? I didn't know where the human stopped and the demon began. I didn't want to be evil. I wasn't a saint to any degree, but being a demon is about as low as you can go.
Not to mention Randall is delusional, so I don't even want to think snout how that will end. Maybe I won't even be around to find out.
I just laid there, trying to watch TV, but it failed to hold my attention to any degree. I just wanted to stop hearing the words bounce around my head. With them there, there was no room for anything else.
I ignored the knock at the door and ignored the boy who walked through it anyway. My back was to the door, so I couldn't see him, but I heard his footstep and the shifting weight on the edge of the bed.
"I don't really know what to say." His voice was his own, but sadder than I'd ever heard it.
I didn't respond, I just kept my eyes trained on the TV.
"I'm sorry."
"I thought you didn't know what to say." I sighed, still not looking at him.
"Well, I figured that one would be a good place to start."
I kept quiet. I didn't want to think about this, much less discuss it.
"Please say something." He begged after a few moments.
"Why?"
"You can't just pout about this, that's not going to solve anything."
I felt anger flare inside me. I whipped my head around, eyes blazing.
"Maybe if I'd known about it a little sooner I'd actually be able to do something about it."
I could see how hurt he was by my words.
"He didn't give me a choice, the same way he doesn't give you one."
"Really, well I have a family to protect, what do you have?" I knew I would regret saying something like that, but I couldn't stop it. It all just spilled out of me like molten lava.
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He flinched a little bit and said, "You."
I felt hot tears begin to pool in my eyes, "Well you did your job really bad, I'm already half dead."
I flail around my grey arms for emphasis. He didn't move away from me. That's when I noticed he was still wearing last night's clothes. His hair was messier than I'd seen it in months, and his facial hair was actually growing out a bit. He looked almost like my old Peter, the sweet boy who I couldn't take out in public to save my life. I missed the days when things were that simple. Which makes me feel crazy for calling a dead body coming back from the dead and become my best friend normal.
"He would have kept me locked up if I didn't promise to keep my mouth shut. It's the only reason I was allowed to see you. It was already happening. I'm sorry."
I cooled a bit. It was hard to be too mad at him. Pretty much everything he'd done since we met was for me, even with pure evil brewing in his head. Maybe that's why he seemed so normal anymore, he used to be so good that evil just evens him out.
I groan and bury my face in a pillow, "What are we going to do?"
I felt his hand stroke tentatively across my back, "I wish I knew."
I peered up at him, "What's it like?"
"It's like putting a drop of dye in water. At first, it's like this darkness cutting right through you, but then eventually it all mixes together, and you can't seem to find the differences anymore. In the beginning, it the bad thoughts sounded like a foreign voice in my head, but now they all just sound like me. The urges are what really get you," He paused, as if he didn't know how to say it the way he wanted to, "Sometimes you just look at someone and all you can think about is every bad thing you want to do to them, but you hold yourself back, because you really don't want to do it. It's kind of hard to explain I guess."
"Even with me?"
He laughed a little, "Especially with you. But those aren't things I'd really like to elaborate on."
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"Yeah, I'm pretty okay with leaving some mystery there." I smiled a little bit, "I'm sorry for yelling at you."
"It's fine, I knew I deserved it."
"Maybe a little bit, but it is what it is." I shrugged and laid back down, "You can lay down too if you'd like."
He seemed a little taken aback by the offer. But as I turned my head back towards the TV I felt him shift into a laying position next to me. It was funny to see him act all nervous like he used to. One arm cautiously moved across my waist, but I grabbed it and pulled it tighter around me.
"Stop being a wimp," I grumbled and he laughed a little in my ear.
"I've got to say, I thought the forgiving thing would take a bit longer."
"It should, but if I'm being honest I don't have the energy to stay mad."
We watched TV in silence for a while. It felt so strange to do something so normal. There were no interfering demons or psycho husbands in the way. The closest we'd ever gotten was cuddling on a dorm bed, which was much more uncomfortable, not to mention stinky.
I felt calmer than I had before. The fear of what was coming became more malleable, ale to be pushed to the back of my mind.
After a few hours, there was another knock at the door. Peter jumped up nervously, but I only raised my head.
One of the guards came in and said, "It's your Greenhouse time."
"Shit, is it Tuesday?" I say it more to myself. Damn I need to keep better track of the days.
"The car is waiting." The guard said, and then disappeared.
I got up. I actually liked going to the greenhouse. I got to hang out with Peter outside of the house, and I didn't have to have my hair and makeup done.
I went into my bathroom and put on the clothes that were hanging on the door. I'd gotten good at avoiding my reflection in the mirror. I barely looked real anymore, and I didn't want to get that imagine of myself engrained in my mind.
After running a brush through my hair I made my way out of my room and down the stairs. Peter was waiting for me by the door and we walked out together.
The day was winding down, but the residual heat from the daylight was still lingering in the air. I could tell already having to wear all the layers was going to get more and more miserable.
A guard opened the car door for us and we got in. My spirits were only high for the time being. As afraid as I was, I was still here, and he was still here, and my family was safe.
"You know what I was thinking about earlier?" He asked as the car pulled onto the street."
"What?"
"What it would have been like if we were normal, like those people in the TV shows. The ones who have houses and jobs and none of this."
I laughed a bit at the thought, "Oh god, our place would be overrun with mice and ants because you'd keep feeding them."
He laughed too, "Don't act like your messy ass wouldn't be the reason they're there in the first place."
"Oh man, yeah, that is hard to imagine isn't it?" I said, thinking back to the sitcoms we'd watched. Could it really be that easy to just live with someone? Exist in a normal day to day life where you weren't on the verge of being killed all the time? The concept seemed a million miles away from me right now.
"If only." He said.
The drive to the greenhouse was short like it always was. We pulled up in front and one of the guards got out to open my door for me.
I got to my feet and moved to get out of the way so Peter could climb out.
The guards arm flew out in front of him and he went to stand, "You have to stay in the car, sir."
"No, I always go with her to the Greenhouse." He tried to stand again but he guard shoved him back into the car.
"Not this time, sir."
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And I know that everyone is spamming everyone with this right now, but I might as well throw it out there. My Once Upon Now entry "A Touch Too Far" is available for your viewing and voting pleasure. If you're into the kookie-romancey-plot-twisty-ness of this one you'll definitely like that one!
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