《Layers Of Suffering (Tokoyami BNHA)》Sinful Love
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Author's Note: Before I start the chapter, I want to thank you for reading this story. Summer break has ended and school has started again. I'll try to work on the story if I'm free, but I'm sorry if the chapters come out a bit later. Hope you enjoy this chapter!
--
The class was silent. Not a breath in the wind. Yet tension was rising.
Everyone noticed the disoriented bird teen stumble his way out. No one knows what happened. But one thing is for certain, everyone was worried.
"Sensei, may I accompany Tokoyami to the Recovery Girl's Office, he seems unfit to walk alone."
It was Shoji once again, who broke the silence.
Ectoplasm knew his schedule for this chapter was tight, but this was more important. He nodded.
The exit door of Class 1A opened and Shoji walked out...
So did Midoriya...
And Koda, and Momo, and the rest of Class 1A.
(Except for an exception... Bakugo obviously.)
--
Shoji lead the class along to Recovery Girl's Office. Turning comer after corner, he wondered if his conversation with Tokoyami previously had anything to do with this. It seemed unlikely since Tokoyami ended with a good mood... So what caused his pain?
Worries are piling up one after another, yet they all feel empty, helpless about these worries. They still had no idea what happened when Tokoyami was kidnapped causing them to have no way to help their dear friend.
"Shoji, did Tokoyami suffer the same problems when he was with you?"
Midoriya asked.
"No, he seemed fine. "
"Tokoyami had a headache this morning as well right? Does anyone know why?"
Momo recalled.
However, no one replied. It was as if the Tokoyami kidnappings had never happened at all, everyone had so little information about the occurrences that they doubt it was true.
Shoji made another turn... This time, he stopped.
His vision felt dizzy, as if he had another deja vu. Memories of the park were coming back to him. On the far end of the hallway lay an object similar in size to what he had seen in the park.
Before anyone had realised...
"TOKOYAMI!"
Shoji ran forward, leaving the class behind in confusion.
The object came into focus as he closed his distance.
He was right.
Tokoyami laid face-first on the floor, unmoving. His body was sweating furiously, cold to the touch.
He turned him over and made him lay on his back.
More voice shouting Tokoyami's name followed by, the class catching up.
He checked for Tokoyami's pulse...
...
...
He didn't feel any...
Shocked, he pressed his hands on Tokoyami's heart to be sure.
?!
There is movement!!
But...
*tic*
*tic*
*tic*
The pulses came in one by one, not a pair like it was supposed to. It reminded him of a time bomb, ticking off its last few seconds.
"What happened!"
Kirishima asked in disbelief.
"Tokoyami, are you all right?"
Midoriya asked, shaking him.
No response
"Oh God, someone bring him to Recovery Girl, QUICK!"
Tsuyu pipped up.
Shoji, being the strongest one present, picked him up and quickened his pace to Recovery Girl's Office.
"We need to hurry up, we don't have much time"
Todoroki said to Shoji.
"Yeah, his heartbeat is weird, it wasn't normal."
"What do you mean?"
Jirou asked.
"It didn't came in pairs, his heartbeat was only beating once."
Mina felt Tokoyami's chest for his heart, retracting her hand when she felt the weird sensation.
"That's creepy! What the heck happened to him?"
"Do you think this is related to the kidnappings?"
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Denki curiously asked.
"Of course, What else did you think would have caused him to be like that?"
Mineta replied.
I guess we'll find out when the time comes.
They reached the front of Recovery Girl's office, Koda helped open the door to let Shoji enter.
Recovery Girl saw the commotion entering her office and stood up.
"Oh my, what happened to him?"
"We don't know, all we know is that he has headaches."
Shoji explained the best he could.
Recovery Girl took one long look at Tokoyami before returning her attention to the class.
"Well I have to check his condition so can you all please leave?"
The class exited the room, a little dejected that they still had no idea of their friend's well being.
Shoji finally relaxed, unfortunately filling his mind with worry he felt since he talked to Tokoyami.
He teared up a little... fully knowing that he had no idea how to help his friend. The worst case was he lost his best friend. A dear friend indeed.
...yet
Kirishima broke the silence.
"Tokoyami's fine. Recovery girl will help him get through this..."
Murmurs of agreements.
"N... No."
Kirishima looked over, confused. The class slowly took notice of Shoji's tears.
"S... Shoji, why are you..."
"Tokoyami's far from fine."
The class went silent again, awaiting his explanation...
Which he gave them.
--
Buzzzzz...
Tokoyami's vision was blurred and distorted. It was as if he was in a dimension of an old television without signal.
Grainy black spots drifted to and fro in his vision. Yet, as if he was in a dream, it didn't seem out of the norm.
(To imagine what he is "seeing", imagine being in a dark room, but not completely black. What you can see is the stripes of glitches subtly drifting to and fro in your vision. )
(kind of like this but in 3 dimensions and much more eerie)
Nothing seemed to change for a period of time... The distortions continued and repeated.
Buzzzzzzzz...
Buzzzzzzzz...
Buzzz...
*click*
Suddenly, there was change. The distortions warped away from a single point. As the Shockwave of the moving distortions hit where Tokoyami would have been, he felt himself materialised into existence.
That point continued to push matter away from itself. Multiple imperfect shockwaves blasted out repeatedly.
It was as if he was seeing a supernova, exploding repeatedly with extreme violence.
Tokoyami felt the ground... Or what his brain imagined to be the ground.
He looked at his hands, gloomy pieces of flesh that formed his hand greeted back at him.
A metallic sound rang out. Tokoyami diverted his attention to the source.
The point started to become unstable, growing in size but not in a uniform way; it does not increase in the shape of perfect spheres, but similar to the shape of a water puddle on a rainy day.
It's size increases and decreases, wavering violently. It was not a perfect reaction. However, it had a net increase in its size still.
Tokoyami watched in awe as the point grew to the size larger than he was.
What was once a point as has changed to form a circle...
Or a disc...!
Tokoyami took a few steps back, shaken by the familiarity of the object.
It's a portal... Belenus' portal!
Tokoyami dared not go closer to the monstrosity that was created...
Staring into the pitch blackness of the portal, he waited for its response.
Sure enough, it changed slowly, as if turning down the "Fade" option for a faded image. An image slowly materialised in the portal.
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Huh?
What appeared in the portal was...
Himself.
It made no sense... Until he saw the dark wisps of energy at the edges of the vision.
"Dark... Dark shadow?"
His voice felt weird in the void. It felt as if the words spoken were lost in the infinitely big space he was in.
Realisation hit him, he was looking at Dark Shadow's memory.
He felt sadness creeping over him. The scene shows him and Dark shadow in Belenus vision, moments after he sacrificed himself.
"... What will happen to you?" Tokoyami in the vision looked at Dark shadow with guilt in his eyes.
" Don't worry, I won't die. A body would form for me, becoming an actual person. "
Oh, so that's why this portal exists... This is Dark Shadow's body, which still contains the crystals...
"You have a body?!" Tokoyami in the vision gawked in surprise.
The vision shakes up and down, signifying a nod from Dark Shadow.
"Well, you should be happy, to finally gain control of your soul."
Tokoyami in the vision said.
Belenus didn't put crystals in Dark shadow... But the crystals that stayed in his soul still have his strongest memories...
But that means in his lifetime... This scene is the most important moment of his life. His emotions peaked at this very moment in time. Is it because...
Tokoyami felt a mental shock of pain and misery as the answer spat right in his face.
He knew... He knew we were related before then...
He wanted to tear up again, but he was sick of crying. All that's left was an empty heart. It felt so painfully empty, to no nothing about Dark Shadow. He was like a passer-by in Tokoyami's life, 'a useful tool' as he once said. Yet deep down, they were supposed to be so much closer.
Yet they never had the chance to do so.
" I wish we had spent more time togeth-"
Tokoyami in the vision said.
Yes, I still do.
"One of my... my lifelong dream was to get along with you a... and fight alongside with you."
Tokoyami in the vision continued.
All we always did was either you did all the work or I had to fight against you for control. Now this dream could never happen.
""
However, something about this conversation changed...
Those are Dark Shadow's thoughts! So he is able to prevent some of his thoughts from entering my mind.
"We never really did laugh together, did we... "
I wish we did...
*sigh* I gave you a hint Toko. Though I don't expect you to get it, I really wished you do.
Tokoyami heard this and focused all his attention on the thoughts of his brother.
I'm just being selfish, aren't I. Telling him now would only induce suffering upon him.
"No! You're not selfish! You should've told me!"
All his life he regarded me as a tool or demon... Imagine a demon being your brother... I don't want my precious older brother to suffer any more than he should.
"I'm... I so sorry, you're not a demon, Dark Shadow... You never once was. I wish I could take back what I thought of you... Please... I wish I could rewrite history..."
But Dark Shadow would never be able to hear it anyway...
Don't worry, Fumikage, I will rather end my life than to see you suffer.
Fumikage heard the words echo his own.
Now he feels the pain.
The pain of regret... The pain of guilt... The pain of not knowing... The pain of losing someone important.
All of these compiled and magnified his negative emotions...
Before his thoughts consumed him...
The vision in the portal changed... In fact, it blackened.
Tokoyami thought the vision had ended... But the presence of voices made him think otherwise.
In reality, the memory was formed when Tokoyami and Dark Shadow was in limbo. Since Tokoyami was still living, such places could not be comprehended.
However, memories do not violate that rule, only the vision does.
Why is this memory being shown?
What does this memory mean to you Dark Shadow?
...
The portal went silent for a while.
...
The change in the voice, almost like echoes made it apparent that this was a thought and not spoken words.
Tokoyami was on his knees, taking in his brothers words and letting it sink into his soul. It was all jumbled mess to him, but somehow he knew these words meant something important.
*sobs*
Tokoyami felt tears cascade down his cheeks, through his feathers.
*sobs* *sniffles*
He imagined a world where they exist as brothers... Sharing a brotherly relationship. Instead of the stupid muted bond they had.
He remembered his father. He remembered his mother. He remembered his friends in preschool.
His teachers.
His elders.
People who ignored him.
Belenus.
All lies. All fakes. All worthless.
He never had real love... He never felt compassion.
...
...
...
And Dark Shadow had been the blame for it. He hated his quirk. He wished it didn't exist.
He has unknowingly wished his brother to not exist.
I thought you would've reacted differently... I thought you would've lashed at me. Felt betrayed, felt hopeless.
I regret everything.
"I... I regret every th... thing."
He covered his eyes, helpless to the growing misery he felt...
The vision in the portal shifted again, but this time, the wisps of energy from the sides brightened. It signified something powerful.
Dark Shadow's strongest emotions...
The vision returned, yet Tokoyami in the vision was dematerialising.
It was their last moments together...
"I love you, Dark Shadow"
.
.
.
"
"
All sounds and voices abruptly stopped, leaving silence from the portal... and sobs, from Tokoyami.
The portal became blinding white, it's edges wavered from the impact.
His head was filled with memories he had with Dark Shadow, those unimportant moments that he had with Dark Shadow became precious memories that he did not want to forget.
Such memories tried to assemble itself to create a loving memory of Dark Shadow. Yet there was always a missing piece that was left unanswered.
It made him feel empty, feeding his misery even more.
His head became more and more lightheaded, yet he can't help it.
Curling up into a ball, he sobbed alone in a dimensionless world.
The pieces were left unanswered. Lost.
Yet the piece for the solution to the puzzle was taken away from him.
Dark Shadow still held the last pieces, and he was unable to retrieve them.
The portal in front of him slowly faded away, the glow getting dimmer and dimmer.
"NO! DON'T GO AWAY!"
Tokoyami stood up, running towards the portal.
He wanted to go into the portal, which would've transported to Dark Shadow, but he IS Dark Shadow. A barrio blocked himself from entering.
"NO, THERE'S STILL SO MANY THINGS I DON'T KNOW ABOUT YOU!"
Tokoyami banged his hands on the portal.
"I WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT YOU! KNOW YOU BETTER! SO PLEASE... Don't go..."
Tokoyami slid down the portal, watching helplessly with tears in his eyes as the last connection with Dark Shadow faded into nothingness.
He lay on the floor, or what he thought was a floor. The black static overcome his vision once again. He lay there, full of guilt and regret, staring into nothingness.
His unfinished puzzle became his soul. He felt empty once again.
Even though he existed in the void, his emptiness made him feel like he camouflaged with the void.
His eyes focused on nothing, he let his mind wander, taking over his vision.
"I can't imagine a world without you..."
Tokoyami's soft words dispersed into nothingness.
He shed one last tear...
And let the darkness consume him.
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