A HUMAN HEART

(THE FULL MOON, PT. 2)

♡

already feels terrible. Like, heart-wrenching, stomach-twisting, all around terrible. Terrible, terrible, terrible. She keeps on thinking about it and she thinks, why the fuck did I say anything? She feels awful... And she doesn't know what she's going to do now, because what if this happens the next full moon, too? She can't argue with her friends every time it's a full moon...

The full moon's tomorrow night, the same day as the first task. Briar feels bad already, knowing that Fleur's worrying about her when she's got far more important things to focus on. Everything's just — it feels as if everything's just falling apart. Briar felt like she had a firm grasp on this curse for a long time, but now, she's lost it completely. It's as if she only noticed, just as it floated far enough away that she couldn't grab it, couldn't fix things. Instead, it disappeared into the ocean, and it's left Briar drowning.

She reaches the end of her Friday lessons and she decides that she's got to make amends with Fred. She doesn't know what she's going to say, she doesn't know what's going to happen come the next full moon, but she can't spend another minute sitting around, knowing she's upset him, knowing she's not making an effort to fixing everything. Because here's the thing: once upon a time, when she was still a Gryffindor student, he was the person she was closest to. Sure, she was best friends with George and Lee as well, but it was always Fred that she went to first, it was always Fred that was there for her. And she knows things have changed in the year she's been gone... But the point still stands. She can't lose him. She just can't.

Briar pulls her hair up with a red scrunchie as she walks out of the carriage, up towards the castle. Her inner eye's telling her that in precisely three minutes, Fred's going to be in the corridor to the left of the Great Hall — so that's where Briar goes. She tries to think of what to say, but she still doesn't know. She's hoping that it'll come to her, in the moment, because if not she's screwed.

She walks into the corridor, and she sees Fred walking in her direction, away from where the hallway leading to Potions is. He looks at her, and she isn't sure what the expression's supposed to be. He looks annoyed, but not just annoyed. Hurt, as well, she thinks...

"Hi," says Briar, but she can't even force a smile.

"You know, I've just gotten a detention from Snape. Did you predict that was going to happen, or something, and decided that now would be the perfect time to fully ruin my day?" says Fred, frowning at her. She knows she deserves this.

"I'm sorry," says Briar, stepping forwards.

There's a pause. Fred's frowning still.

"I don't get you, Briar," he says. "What makes you think I'd ever be able to hate you?"

Briar should've realised he'd ask about that... Or at least something, about her weird behaviour recently...

"I can't—I can't tell you," she says.

Fred gives her a look. "'Course."

"I wish I could," says Briar.

"What's stopping you?"

What's stopping her? Already being able to picture in her head, the way his expression will change when he hears those words. Already being able to imagine his reaction, the consequences of it. How he'll stop being as warm to her, as close with her, just because she made that one ­decision, said those words... That's if she can say them... She still hasn't said the phrase I'm a werewolf. She can't... But still. She knows his reaction, and it scares her.

"I don't want things to change," says Briar.

"How will they?" says Fred, still frowning, still hurt.

Briar doesn't know what to say.

"I don't get why you've been acting so weirdly recently, Briar," says Fred. He doesn't look at her when he speaks. She thinks that's for the best, because that would probably make her feel even worse. "I notice when you're acting off, and I don't know why you keep on shutting me out about all of it... Like when you first arrived, how you disappeared, or all of this week..."

He trails off. She stays quiet. She knows what she should say, but she can't. She can't say it. The world would have to be ending, full-on falling apart at the seams, for Briar to finally admit the truth.

So instead she says:

"What's the weirdest dream you've ever had?"

Fred looks caught off guard. "What?"

"What's the weirdest dream—?"

Fred's brows furrow, eyes narrowing in confusion. "Why are you—?"

Briar lets out a sigh. "Because I don't know what else to say, but I know that I can't lose you so — what's the weirdest dream—?"

Without a word he moves closer and opens his arms, pulling her into a hug. Briar already feels relieved, and she hugs him back. She closes her eyes, already feeling so much better. She doesn't know what it is about him, but she just feels so comforted, with him.

"I'm so sorry," says Briar. "I'm so, so, so sorry—"

"Briar," says Fred. "I get it."

She pulls apart from him, her brows furrowing. "I don't understand why you're so nice to me."

He pauses for a second.

Fred looks down at Briar. He smiles at her. "Because you're still my best friend," he says to her. She smiles softly, and he puts his hand on her cheek, moving the stray hairs behind her ear. Briar can feel her heart beating in her chest, as he steps backwards, smiling brightly at her. "C'mon — I bet there's a ton of leftover cake in the kitchens."

"Cake for dinner?" says Briar, beaming. "My favourite!"

They walk to the kitchens, and Briar already feels better.

"So why'd you get detention?" says Briar, as they pass the entrance into the Hufflepuff common room, a few feet before the hidden entrance into the school's kitchens.

Fred shrugs. "Broke a cauldron, the usual," he says nonchalantly. "I mean it wasn't my cauldron, it was Montague's—" Meaning, one of the Slytherins in their year, with a reputation of picking on muggleborns. "—but it absolutely wasn't my fault. I think Snape's got a hearing problem, maybe his snootiness is making him age faster..."

"Oh, totally," says Briar, with a smile.

He grins at her.

They walk into the kitchens — but before the door's fully open Briar hears her inner eye speak, saying there are others in there. Briar jumps forwards, to stop Fred from walking in and embarrassing them, but already the door's wide open, and Harry and Holly are standing next to one of the tables.

Briar can feel their embarrassment. Fred starts to snicker.

"So this is where Harry's been hiding—!"

Briar lets out, "Fred fucking Weasley—!"

"Yeah, yeah, let's give 'em some privacy," says Fred. Harry's face is bright red. Briar feels so guilty. She looks across at Fred, who looks incredibly smug with himself, as he takes hold of Briar and pulls her back out of the kitchens. As soon as the door closes, Briar scowls at him, and Fred grins back at her. "You gotta admit, that was pretty funny..."

"Pretty embarrassing..."

On the other side of the door, though, Harry scratches the back of his neck. Holly's unphased by it; it's not like it was her cousin finding this out, was it? Then she'd be mortified... God, she can't even imagine, what it would be like if Draco found this out...

"I think I'm gonna go," says Harry.

Holly nods. "Good luck tomorrow."

"Thanks," he says, smiling weakly.

She smiles back at him, and as he walks away she crosses her arms. The door opens and closes, and she's left alone in the kitchens, the house-elves having left to attend to the rest of their duties. It's just Holly. Just Holly, standing there, her stomach tying in knots, like it has been for weeks now...

Her gaze catches the white cat on a countertop, and Holly sighs.

"I'm doing what you asked, Mother..."

♡

LET HER EXPLAIN — this was not meant to happen. None of this was supposed to happen to Holly. She felt bad for Harry, sure, but she didn't mean for any of this. It was just her luck, her mother checking on her and finding out Holly's newest secret... And it was just her luck, her mother turning an innocent friendship into something evil. But that's what Holly is, isn't it? Evil.

The white cat jumps off the countertop, and it turns into her mother. Margo Malfoy walks towards her daughter, and places her hand against Holly's cheek, smiling softly. "I know this is difficult, my Holliday dearest, but it'll be worth it soon," she says to her daughter. Holly's arms are still crossed. "When the Dark Lord returns, we'll be high on his list..."

"I know, Mother," says Holly.

"You can do this," says Margo, and she kisses Holly's forehead. "I love you so much, Holliday."

It's Holly, she thinks.

"I love you more," Holly forces out.

"I love you most," says Margo.

I won't argue with you there, Mother...

♡

THE DAY OF THE FULL MOON starts with Briar waking up early, to help Fleur out with her last-minute training. Apparently the first task is dragons, so Briar quizzes Fleur on the different dragons that she could have to fight, with Fleur telling Briar how to outsmart and fight each one. Briar gets a letter from Remus, too, wishing her well for tonight; she replies back instantly, saying the same back. Briar can already feel the toll of the full moon on her, the way her inner eye is constantly murmuring prophecies, but she tries her best to soldier on, as she pulls her hair into a ponytail.

Briar sees her grandfather throughout the day, but he ignores her every time. Every time she looks at him, he acts as if he doesn't see her... Just like the night the champions were chosen...

As the morning goes on, Briar watches Fleur look more and more nervous, her skin paling ever so slightly. When Fleur stands up to go to the first task, to be there early, Briar stands up as well, and smiles softly at her best friend. "I'm coming, too," says Briar, speaking in French, mostly because it's less of a strain on Fleur to respond in.

"Surely you aren't feeling well?" says Fleur, her brows furrowing. Her hands are shaking, Briar notices, as Fleur tucks a blonde curl behind her ear.

Briar shrugs. "It's not too bad," she says, lying completely. She smiles softly at Fleur. "Besides — you're the fucking Beauxbatons champion, I wanna make sure you're feeling OK!"

"I don't feel prepared enough," says Fleur, speaking faster than normal, as if she can't get the words out quick enough.

Briar's never seen Fleur this nervous before.

"You'll always feel unprepared," says Briar. "No one ever feels prepared... I know that you're prepared, so take my word for it."

Fleur's frowning still. "What if I lose?"

Briar stops walking. They're out in the grounds now, and since it's too cold and too early for people to start walking to the stands, they're alone. Fleur stops walking, too, and Briar turns to her, putting her hands on Fleur's arms.

"OK, Delacour, listen to me," says Briar, trying to be as stern as possible. "Who gives a shit if you lose? You're gonna go out there, and you're gonna give your all. Because if you try as hard as you can, you'll know it. And you'll be proud of yourself regardless because you've put in so much hard work and if anything, that's more important than this whole thing. Fleur, you've been so dedicated to this, that's what makes you a champion. The sheer amount of hard work you've put into being a champion." Briar smiles. "So you're gonna go out there, and whether you win or lose, you better be proud of yourself, because I sure am proud of you."

Fleur looks at Briar in shock.

"Shit, Briar," she says softly.

"I said nothing but the truth," says Briar, shrugging. She smiles at Fleur, and stretches her hand out, for Fleur to hold onto. "So, lets go."

Fleur takes Briar's hand, a smile finally appearing across her face.

♡

BRIAR'S KICKED OUT OF THE TENT after a while, but it's fine, she guesses — she can still sit with the twins, it's not like she's going to be alone. She might look a little weird, the sole Beauxbatons supporter amongst a group of Gryffindors, but whatever. Weirder things have happened.

She begins to walk up to where Fred, George, and Lee are sitting, fairly high in the stands. It's gonna be a pretty good view, she thinks, remembering how yesterday Fred was saying they were going to go down early to make sure they had good seats. But, as she walks towards them, Briar sees her grandpa. He looks directly at her, but with no expression on his face. She frowns.

"Hi, Grandpa..."

He doesn't respond. At all.

"Grandpa..."

And he walks away, like she's nothing. Briar doesn't move for a minute, shocked. She gets that he hates her, she gets that she doesn't love him anymore, but still. They used to be family. It's just so weird, him acting as if he never had a heart in the first place...

She walks up to where her friends are sitting after a couple of minutes, and she sits down, in between Fred and Lee. She lets out a sigh.

Bagman begins to speak, his voice booming across the stands, into the enclosure itself, and they all stand up to start cheering. Briar tries to think past whatever Fred was going to reply with. She tries to think past her inner eye, constantly mumbling, slowly getting louder and louder as the full moon creeps up on her. She tries to think past whatever's going to happen tonight... Because she doesn't know why, but her stomach's slowly, slowly, tying into knots, dreading something about to happen...

♡

FLEUR DOESN'T WIN, BUT THAT'S OK, because Briar's still proud to pieces of everything her best friend's put into the tournament so far. The carriage is quiet, the rest of the Beauxbatons students fairly disappointed, but Fleur looks proud of herself, which is all that matters to Briar. Earlier on Briar was invited to the party the Gryffindors are having, to celebrate Harry's success, and for a while Briar was talking Fleur into going, to go there and celebrate her own success, even if she didn't win — but eventually Fleur decided not to, and instead Briar decides to go on her own. Just for an hour — her excuse to leave at sundown is that Maxime won't be happy — but enough to spend some time with her old friends.

The four of them are standing to the side of the Gryffindor common room. She keeps on checking her watch, looking out the window to check the sun's still out there. The dread's still there, in her stomach. She keeps on thinking about her grandpa, too, how weird he was acting earlier on. Briar doesn't know — she just doesn't want her friends to realise anything's wrong.

Briar looks down at her watch. She's got five minutes... Fuck. She should've left a couple of minutes ago...

"I need to go," says Briar, and she smiles. "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

Fred's pushed forwards by George. "Oh, uh, do you want one of us to walk you—?"

Briar shakes her head. "I'm all right."

She says her goodbyes and leaves quickly, still knowing the common room's layout well enough to know the best way to make a bee line out of it, without tripping up on a rug or someone's schoolbag. The noise from the party disappears from the air as the portrait closes the door behind her, and she's left alone in the hallway, as she quickly makes her way down the stairs, making her way towards the Whomping Willow. She should've left earlier, she shouldn't had gone in the first place, even...

"Uh, Briar?"

She spins around, and Fred's standing there, having followed her. Obviously she had ignored it, when George and Lee pushed Fred forwards, for him to go after Briar, before she left the party. Shit shit shit—

"You need to go," says Briar.

"This... isn't the way to the carriage," says Fred, frowning.

Briar can already feel her nails growing, slowly morphing into claws. She keeps her hands behind her back.

"You need to go, Freddie," she says again.

"Is everything OK—?"

"I don't want to have another argument, Freddie, but you need to go! You'll—You'll make it worse — and I know you don't mean it, but please go, please—"

Fred steps forwards, and she takes three back. She's breathing heavily, the visions already beginning to start, her inner eye's murmurs sitting on top of each other, the volume growing and growing...

"But what will I make worse? Why are you acting like this? I know you're hiding something, I've known you for long enough to know that, but why—?"

"Because I'm a werewolf!"

Briar doesn't know his reaction, she doesn't stay long enough to see it. She doesn't want to know it. She bolts towards the Whomping Willow, slipping past the moving branches and into the Shrieking Shack, where she sits, and she lets the transformation happen. She's done it. She's done it. She's ruined everything. She told Fred. He's never going to look at her the same, for the rest of his life he's going to look at her like she's a monster... Because she is a monster...

She just didn't want him to know.