We only leave the hot tub long enough to eat some dinner, and then we're dropping ourselves back into its heated waters again to enjoy a somewhat cool evening gazing at the night sky. We're so far from any civilization that the stars are practically kissing us with their intensity. I think I could even reach out and pluck them from the sky if I wanted. But, I'm too comfortable to move from my position. The water is hugging me to it and I don't wish for it to let go.

Seth is on my right seeming to be just as enthralled by the polka-dotted sky as I am. We don't speak because we don't need to. We're happily enjoying each other's company. Words aren't necessary when nature is talking so loud. There's an entire symphony taking place in the trees. Crickets lead the percussion with their rhythmic rattles and chirps, frogs offer a nice bass as they croak into the night and an occasional coyote chimes in with an eery howl of passion.

After asking about his tattoo, I went on to discover several more tattoo meanings. He's got some deep stuff woven into his skin and I can't help but wonder if the man I love gets deeper the further in you go. What kind of secrets and emotions does he have swirling around beneath the surface? The heaviest secrets tend to sink into the darkest parts of a person and I'm dying to know what lay in Seth's internal shadows.

"Do you regret us?"

The question is so random that I actually sit up to get a clearer view of Seth's face. He's not looking at me though. His eyes are trained upward, his head resting on the rim of the tub as he takes in the scenery above him.

"Why would you ask that?" I can't help but wonder aloud.

I'm not sure where his thoughts are, but clearly, they're not in a pretty place. I'm not sure how to assure him that this is what I want. I want him to understand that the only regret I have is not trying harder to prevent these problems.

"Sorry," he mutters with a shrug. "I didn't mean to ruin the mood. Let's just forget I asked."

"Uh..." I watch him for a moment, waiting for him to elaborate. He just shakes his head at me, assuring me that he wants me to let it go. I'm so curious, but we also promised to make this weekend fun and save the heart-wrenching stuff for later. This seems like a topic that should be saved for that conversation.

Silence descends once again, only this time the crickets, frogs, and coyotes are no longer in sync. Something is off. They just sound messy and irritating now. The heavy croaks of the frogs are especially grating on my nerves, and I'm annoyed that Seth's one simple question did so much damage to the mood.

Why would he ask that? Is it because he regrets us and wants to know if I feel the same way? Is he hoping I'll confess to wishing we'd never gotten hitched so that he'll feel better when he presents me with those dreaded divorce papers? These are all questions that I need to be verbalizing to Seth, and yet, as irritated as I am by my own silence, I remain quiet.

Whatever the reason, I'm no longer in the mood to sizzle in a tub of water beneath the stars. Instead, I stand, stretching my arms overhead as I yawn. I return my gaze to Seth just in time to see him pulling his eyes away from my exposed stomach. There's a tension in his posture now and heat in his eyes.

How could someone who wants to divorce me look as if he wants to ravage me so badly instead? The pieces don't add up. His words say one thing, but his face says another. He's the most confusing man on the planet.

I'm tempted to test the waters and see what boldness would get me this time, but I can't help but fear that he'd reject me... again. So, instead, I step out of the hot tub and wrap my towel around my body. The sudden change in temperature has me wanting to sink back into the heated water, but I resist.

"It's pretty late," I say, turning to face Seth only to find him already twisted in his seat watching me with curiosity. "I think I'm going to head to bed."

"Okay," is his simple response.

He doesn't turn back and get comfortable, but just watches me. For a moment I wonder if he's waiting for something. Maybe an invitation? Risking humiliation, I decide to step out on a limb and do something completely ridiculous.

"You want to join me?" It's a simple question—especially between husband and wife—but I somehow feel as though I've just asked Seth if he wants to try our hand at making quintuplets. "The couch is pretty tiny," I remind him, hoping to make my suggestion sound like the most logical choice.

"Sure," he mutters, his eyes reading me with that kind of intensity I've come to love and hate at the same time. It's so intense that it makes me wonder what kind of passionate thoughts are bombarding his mind. And yet, a part of me wonders if those passionate thoughts involve intimacy or smothering me in my sleep.

"I'll be in in a few," he adds when I don't make a move to leave.

"Oh. Okay."

Clearly, he wants a moment to himself. I can respect that.

With hurried movements, I head to our room and make quick work of showering and getting dressed. I make sure to wear real pajamas to bed this time. I wouldn't want to tempt a man who isn't interested. That wouldn't be right... would it? Unless that man is my husband, and then it's okay... isn't it?

I'm such a mess of confusion. I don't even know what's acceptable anymore. So, deciding to stick to what I know will be safe, I throw on my unflattering two-piece flannel pajamas and step out of the bathroom.

I'm surprised to find Seth already in bed. His back is to me and I wonder if he's really asleep already. But, as I round the bed, my eyes find his and he smiles at me. I guess it's not as big of a deal to him as it is to me. He looks like this is the most casual thing in the world—which it should be—but I don't feel relaxed.

I slip under the covers, flick off my bedside lamp, and stare up at the ceiling. It's dark in this room in comparison to our room at home. I could make goofy faces at Seth all night long and he'd never know. Truthfully, it's almost tempting... but I refrain. I need to prove my maturity at some point in my life; tonight seems like the perfect night to start.

I mutter a goodnight and then roll over on my side, my back facing Seth. He responds tiredly, and I'm guessing he's right on the edge of sleep anyway. I don't blame him. I can feel fatigue dancing gracefully in my mind, taunting me to close my eyes. It doesn't take much effort on my part, and before I know it, I'm a goner.

———

There is no accidental snuggling. No grazing of skin against skin. No moments of brevity as I stealthily fold myself into Seth's limp arms. We are both so completely passed out that I don't stop drooling on my pillow until almost ten the next morning.

I jolt slightly, surprised to see the sun shining so brilliantly into the window. And then I realize how awkwardly I'm positioned. I lift my head up from where it's dangling off the side of the bed, moaning when a crick stabs me in my neck. My entire upper body is almost suspended in mid-air. The only thing keeping me from tumbling to a heap on the floor are the sheets tangled around my legs.

I painfully pull myself up so that I'm laying on the bed properly and then turn my head slightly to find Seth sprawled out like a limp doll. No wonder I was nearly on the floor, this big oaf probably shoved me over while we were sleeping. I'm not exaggerating when I say he's taking up the entire bed. I've got merely the edge and I'm barely staying up.

Still enjoying the warm bubble of heat beneath my sheets, I decide I'm not ready to get up. So, I do what any girl would do in my situation. I bring my knees up to my chest—carefully, so as not to fall out of bed—and then rest my feet against Seth's sleeping form. Then with several mighty grunts, I shove him onto his side.

With all the exertion, I'm suddenly not enjoying the warmth of my blankets anymore, and I fling them off mine and Seth's body. I shall show no kindness this morning. Bed hogs deserve to be disturbed.

I'm starting to actually worry about Seth now, though. I shoved, groaned, moaned, and un-blanketed him, and yet he hasn't moved a muscle. Cautiously, I crawl across the bed towards his face. I get real close, hoping to catch the sound of his breathing, and it's just when I've positioned myself directly in his face that he opens his eyes.

My close proximity startles him, and he jolts back sharply. I'm just as shocked, and I nearly tumble from the bed, but thankfully, the sheets in my grip save me from a painful landing. Wide eyes stare at each other, not blinking for several heartbeats, but then Seth brings his fingers to his eyes and rubs the sleep away. He blinks several times, trying to rid his eyes of the blur of sleep, and then he turns narrowed eyes at me.

"You're obnoxious," he mutters, turning his head into his pillow and closing his eyes.

I can't help myself. I laugh. I can see he's grumpy this morning, but it's the kind of grumpy that I can work with because it's almost kind of cute. I remember this side of him. The side that appears irritated, but is actually really fun to tease. It's like poking a sleeping, lazy cat with a stick. He just kind of takes the abuse for a while, moaning and rolling around in annoyance. I just have to be careful not to push him too far or he could claw my eyes out.

After yesterday, I feel far more courageous than I have in months. I'm just hoping that Seth doesn't do anything to shoot me down this time. With a smile of determination, I plop down next to him, my face as close to his as I dare, and stare at him as he tries to find sleep again. His eyes are closed, but I know he's awake, and I know he can feel me watching him.

"Stop." His voice is much deeper than normal, a gravelly frustration tainting his words.

I pop up suddenly, scurrying off the bed and towards my bag. I shuffle around in it for a while until I find what I'm looking for, and then I'm jumping back into place beside Seth.

"Here," I say, shoving a mint between his relaxed lips. "You need this."

He tightens his lips at first, but when he gets a taste of the mint, he willingly opens up and lets me flick it onto his tongue. His eyes are still closed, but the fact that there's no scowl on his face informs me that things are going smoothly so far.

"Thanks," he growls, and I smile into my fist.

I continue to watch him, knowing that I appear to be a creep, but not caring. I'm so enjoying this moment as I let my eyes feast on the man before me, that I don't notice Seth's subtle movements until it's too late.

I try to quickly pull away, but I don't succeed. Before I can even roll out of reach, he's hovering over me, a wicked glint in his eyes.

"I warned you," he says, a teasing smirk lighting up his sleepy face.

And then before I can protest, his fingers are digging into my sides with vicious speed. I can't even mutter a plead to stop, that's how excruciating it is. The people on this earth who actually enjoy this sensation are sick. Like, tickling will be one of the levels of hell—I'm sure of it. This is horrible. And yet, no one would ever know that I'm suffering because I'm laughing my brains out. I hate it. It's so deceitful. I don't want to laugh. I don't want to!

"Stooop," I finally grumble between breaths. "I'll karate chop your arms off if you don't stop."

Seth doesn't heed my words though, and so I do the only thing I can. I shoot my hands out, knocking his legs out from under him, and successfully ending the tickling. Unfortunately, gravity doesn't stop working, and without his legs to hold him up, he falls... directly on top of me.

"Oomph!" The sound leaves my chest with a burst of air, and I lay unmoving beneath the body of muscle above me.

"Are you okay?" Seth asks, half amused and half concerned as he lifts himself slightly to his forearms as he gazes down at me.

I groan before grumbling out a nearly inaudible "yeah."

My chest is rising and falling quickly as I fight to regain my breathing, and all the while Seth continues to gaze at me, his body sprawled on top of mine. It's then that I realize just how intimate this moment has become. The humor has vanished from his face and he's now just watching—an unsettling intensity in his gaze.

His eyes flicker downward landing on my lips for a split second before finding my eyes again. I don't move, and I barely breathe. I'm worried that if I even blink, it might jolt him back into reality. So, I just wait, anxious for that moment when he begins the descent downwards, closer and closer to me.

When he doesn't take the initiative, I let my hands come to life. With careful movements, I slip one hand over his stomach and up around to his back. With a gentle pull, I'm bringing him toward me. Anticipation is at full attention. I can even feel my cells eagerly awaiting contact, and just as his breath fans its minty self across my—not so fresh—mouth, his stomach lets out an angry growl.

We both freeze, staring at each other in surprise. I'd punch his stupid stomach for interrupting if it wasn't attached to the man I'm trying to seduce. And then something in me cracks and I let out a soft snicker. All it takes is a chuckle from Seth and we're both in a fit of hysterics.

It must have something to do with the intensity of the moment, or maybe the tension that we've carried between us for so long, but we don't stop laughing. Seth finally falls over next to me where he continues to laugh. When his stomach grumbles again, we just start all over. I'm wiping tears from my face when Seth finally sits up.

"I'm making breakfast today," he says as he swings himself off the bed. "My stomach volunteered me to do so," he adds, as if he expects me to fight him on it.

"I won't stop you." My words are followed with a smile, and I watch him pull his sweatpants over his boxer briefs as he struts out of the room.

"Oh, by the way," he says, stopping at the doorway and turning to face me. "Do you have another breath mint?"

"Yea," I say, propping myself up to look at him.

"Good." He nods. "Cuz you need one. Your breath smells like my dog's butt."

"You don't have a dog," I deadpan.

"Yeah," he tells me. "But, I used to. He's dead now—so you can imagine how awful his butt smells."

I cup my hands around my mouth and take a big whiff of my breath. Yep, he's definitely right. My breath is rank. My face must read the disgust I feel because I hear Seth chuckling as he leaves the room.

There's a different vibe between us today. I daresay we're almost carefree. If I'm being honest, the man tickling and teasing me ten seconds ago was the same man I remember from our first few years together. If I'm not mistaken, Seth was treating me the way he treated old Mercy.

And I'm praying with every ounce of energy in me that nothing ruins that.