have you been mistaken all along?

"Have you been busy today?"

The king asks this as soon as he steps into your chambers, casually kicking off the furled leaf clinging to the bottom of his shoe on the wood outside. The late October wind has lately been littering the palace grounds with the last remnants of summer as most of the plants prepare for their hibernation.

You bow as you watch him cross the space with as much ease as he would his own room, having spent so much time here in the past year. And the question he posed to you as greeting? It would be strange if he had not fallen into the habit of asking it some weeks ago, taking an unexpected interest that is making you steadily feel more and more comfortable with him even though you should be keeping him as far as you possibly can.

(Wasn't it better when he treated this like an empty affair? Wasn't that what he wanted?)

The king settles on the edge of the bed as he begins to undo his belt. A singular pat of the blankets beside him indicates that you should join him. And you do, saying, "unfortunately. Two of the cooks accidentally burned themselves today when there was an overflow, and we had just run out of the burn salve, so it was quite frantic. But we managed, and even had dinner prepared without much delay! Though... I was little help in that last part."

"I remember. You attempted to poison me with yakgwa once."

"Jeonha! That was an earnest try at making them as a gift!" Nothing more than a besotted young girl's silly attempt.

He laughs lightly, casually at your protests, the smile that makes you far too fond once again. "I could certainly feel that in every rock-hard bite. Nearly broke my teeth with how earnest they were." His belt clatters to the floor. "And how are the cooks now?"

"Recovering! And hopefully without much permanent scarring on their hands."

"Mm. Good."

Then his own hands are on you, as they always are before long. One slides broadly up over the thin fabric covering your back, fingers spread wide. Another firmly grips your thigh while his head dips low, ready to stake claim to your neck with his lips, the smile still stretched faintly across them. He now knows exactly how to make your breath hitch with just a few strokes. How to have you moaning, whimpering into his ear like his needy woman with the slightest skim of his fingertips over your skin.

Even though the warmth he sparked only blazes higher at his touch, you cannot be carried away. Not just yet.

"Ah, j-jeonha. Please wait."

You gently ease back, and that is enough to make him pause. He gives you a questioning look, as you've never interrupted him like this before.

"It is nearly November," you murmur.

"I am in possession of a calendar, yes."

"No, um." You stare down at your hands. "What I mean is... Daebi-mama. Her birthday... It will be soon."

You've never once broached the subject of the late queen with him in all this time and it instantly feels like a mistake when he stiffens. Yanks his hands back to his own lap, away from you.

You force yourself to go on. "I—I wish to visit her. That is, her tomb... And burn incense. Since it is not too far away that we could feasibly return within the day, I thought it could be nice i-if you wish, jeonha? If you might, perhaps, possibly, like to come with me on that day, together?" The nervous words end up tumbling out all at once, a mess of syllables but at least they're out. The thoughts have hung heavy on your mind for so many weeks.

He is mute.

Stares at you for long seconds until his brow furrows. His expression draws in so violently that the glare could rival the chill battering against the windows.

"You... Who do you think I am?"

Your mouth falls open at the anger simmering in his voice, groping for words in response but you can't find them. With a single sentence, you are thrown back into the queen's chamber, into that awful June day, where you stood at an absolute loss. Vulnerable, and scared. An entire year's worth of feelings and experiences ago, but the cruel look he gives you now feels the exact same as it did then.

He scoffs. "You think... Honestly, you imagine I have time for such dalliances? To halt an entire day's worth of business to do such a matter?"

"But the queen—"

"It is frivolous." His teeth snap together. "Completely unnecessary."

"J-Jeonha—"

"No. No. It's ridiculous of you to even suggest it. I have absolutely no need for such a public display that only shows the people how weak and susceptible their king is. I will not lose all that I have earned."

"I just thought—"

"No." He stands up altogether in a flurry of fabric, glaring at you down his nose. "No matter what you have thought, that is final." His hands are tight fists and he's already sauntering towards the exit.

Your mouth feels numb even as you mumble, stuttering over the words, "a king can have emotions. Can have grief." But he doesn't hear. He's already closed off his ears and, you think, you dread, his heart.

Without a single look further in your direction, he pauses just the once to sweep his belt off the floor and then he's gone.

This is the first time since last November that he has come to you and left without indulging himself in your body. While you once so fervently wished he would come for the pleasure of your company alone, you didn't want it like this. Never like this.

You took a risk, and this is where it has left you: reminded of where your place is in this world, in his world. Alone, you let your body fall onto the bed, one palm pressed to the sheets where his heat remains faintly still.

The door flies open, slamming into its frame as the king explodes into his room.

"Jeonha, you've returned early?"

Eunuch Kim is in the midst of tidying up some papers as he was instructed before the king left for Hamhwadang Hall. His confused question is answered with a vicious scowl, one that bodes only awful things, and would have made a weaker man shrink back if the he were not already long used to such vitriol. Even if it hasn't been aimed in his direction for some time now, and Eunuch Kim had let himself believe that he would perhaps never see it with such intense fury again.

"Leave."

"I have not yet laid out your schedule for Novem—"

Yoongi's snarl grows even more prominent as he cuts the man off. "Leave. Get out. I don't want the schedule right now. Just get out!"

Left with no choice, Eunuch Kim bows and quits the room. His heart feels weighty as he walks down the corridor, wondering just what the hell happened with uinyeo-nim to eradicate the rare, pleasant mood the king had left in. Just what, that has undone so many months of quiet, welcome change in an instant.