just how much would you give up for him?

"Excuse me, the king said what?"

You stand in the doorway of your room, mouth agape as you stare with incredulity at Eunuch Kim. By all means a gentle man, he looks taken aback by your sudden burst of defiance and you don't blame him for it. It is so unlike you to drop composure in public, but you couldn't help it just this once because—

"He has commanded you to move," he repeats.

To move.

To uproot the home you've made of this tiny space, to leave the people you've lived and worked beside your entire life. How far would he have you go? Out of the palace grounds, out of the town even? Would across the country be enough now that he wanted to be rid of you?

"He has prepared Hamhwadang Hall for you."

The world around you freezes to ice as you process the words that have somehow made all of this more confusing. "W-What?" Your eyes narrow, blinking rapidly in confusion. "Is it not currently occupied?"

He shakes his head. "No. Jeonha has moved the women that remain into the residence next door, whether they wished to go or not. And if you so want, he will move them further."

Eunuch Kim might as well be speaking Chinese with how much you understand this.

The king means to give you the entire hall? The one right next to his secluded gardens, where you have once again taken to occasionally wandering through? It's much, much too big for any one person, especially with the minimal amount of possessions you have to your name. It all makes no sense, though that would perhaps suit his actions as of late. No sense, unless he wants you... closer.

Closer, like he is practically every other night since the first. Fucking you into an abused pillow, getting steadily louder with his moans while he leaves imprints on your body by any means necessary. Carnal when a strong hand wraps around your throat, needing the reassurance that you are bent to his whim as if all of this wasn't already enough. Only recently, and only the once, has he spun you around to face him. You had been greedy in taking in the debauched sight of his need: the scowl, the flushed cheeks, the pools of sweat glistening on his bare skin. That night, the insistent nudge of his crotch against your clit in this new position brought you to your first proper climax, one that had left you a shivering mess for long after he had gone.

Closer. Yes, if you lived in the hall, he would have more privacy to come and go as he wished, with a few less sets of prying eyes. He could have more time to take what he wanted, without worry of being overheard by your neighbours. There comes that word again, surfacing in your mind regardless of your efforts to tamp it down. Convenient. That is what you are, among the other things that have begun to make their rounds through the palace in attachment to your name in lieu of your proper, working title.

Eunuch Kim's expression turns awkward, apologetic as your emotions wane right in front of him. "If possible, he wishes for you to complete the move by tomorrow evening. But I can attempt to reason with him for some more time if you would like it. I would try to change his mind entirely, but you and I both know that he..."

You shake your head. "Thank you, but it's alright. I'll move. I can do it in that time. There's not much."

"Jeonha... I believe he is planning to move your apothecary area into the building as well. It'll be bigger, if he does. Possibly open up a second infirmary too."

You can tell that he's trying to comfort you and for that, you muster a small smile. "That would be nice. I could always use the space, though I never thought there would be this much of it."

He smiles back, cheeks dimpling slightly.

"I will begin packing then," you say. You have an hour before you go to bed, and you might as well make the most of it. Even if your haste is partly stirred by wanting to put off the coming of morning.

Tomorrow, you'll have to break the news to your fellow uinyeo. Really, this shouldn't have come as too much of a surprise, now that your initial shock has worn away. The women... involved with the king are often given a few luxuries, but since it is impossible for you to become an official concubine, not even a sanggung with the lack of blue in your blood— how strange this must look. How much the palace will talk, uncaring about whether you overhear them or not because what can you do about it? You're nothing more than a woman who has forever lost her chastity and gained nothing in exchange.

You wrap your arms around yourself, the cold suddenly working through your hanbok more acutely.

"I shall send a few of the junior eunuchs to assist you in the afternoon." The soothing voice separates you from your thoughts. "If that's alright with you."

"Yes. Thank you." You should let him go; the wind is starting to pick up and you don't want him to fall ill. But instead you murmur on instinct, "Namjoon-ssi..." It feels a little strange on your tongue since you haven't called him that in so many years, but it makes his eyes soften. "Am I— Am I doing the right thing?"

"You're doing the best you can." Another smile, though this one is worn, tired around the edges. You think his words could apply to himself too. "Please. Sleep well."

"...I will try." You bow, and part.

Against the door, looking at the room you are so soon to leave, you breathe a small sigh.

After tomorrow, you will be living mere minutes from the king. Tomorrow, you will likely be beneath him again, submitting to the calloused hands that move roughly against your curves, the bite of his teeth at the nape of your neck. You'll lose yourself in the feeling and let it linger as long as you can, even though this is never how you imagined having (if this even is such) the king, the man, the boy you fell in love with at fifteen.