it wasn't you I was kissing

—don't be mistaken

it was him on my mind

your lips were just convenient

-rupi kaur

"Why haven't I heard from you?" Andrea spoke over the shoulders of customers, who were waiting in line for their prescriptions at the pharmacy "It's been weeks now, and you wonder why I randomly pop up at your job Lauri."

"I'm sorry," she sighed and frantically dispensed a variety of medications to the customers, she waited to proceed with the conversation until after clearing the people from their presence "I've just been taking some time off, I wasn't feeling well."

Laurielle hadn't told anyone about her substance abuse, not even her own family knew of her dismay— and she preferred to keep it that way. She wasn't too fond of being lectured or even judged for what she chose to do, so the only person who truly knew about her slight addiction was Cameron.

"Well don't ever feel like you can't call me, you know I'm all for taking care of you. What, was it like a stomach bug or something? A cold? What was wrong with you?"

Laurielle's lips parted a bit as she attempted to muster up some words to explain, luckily she had been saved by the delivery man who works for a florist, "I've got another arrangement for you Ms.Erves."

"I see..." she sighed before pinching the bridge of her nose "Just set them there at the edge of the counter please, thank you."

"Who are these from?" Andrea furrowed her eyebrows together, and then read the note attached to the vase "When I want to smile I know exactly what to do, I close my eyes and think of you, Cam.... CAM!?"

"I can explain,"

"Oh please do! Don't tell me the two of you are back together Lauri, after everything that dog has done to you, the way he mistreated and cheated on you—"

"Drea..." Laurielle tried to speak but she kept going

"He left you all alone while he moved on with some gold digging ass slut, not to mention—"

"Andrea alright I know," she said seeming agitated with the past "Cam was just there for me while I was recovering, and of course he still has this soft spot for me... but nothing happened between us."

"I'm still confused though, I thought you had all of your attention on August? What happened with him? Does he know that Cameron is sending you flowers?"

"I haven't spoken to August for weeks now, he won't return any of my calls. I fear that something terrible has happened with him, but I haven't been feeling ballsy lately— I would've gone to visit. I don't want to impose though, if he wanted me around or to even know anything he would've requested that. I'm giving him his space, because August isn't like most guys."

"While I understand what you're saying, I'm not understanding why you're entertaining Cam in the midst of August's disappearing acts, allowing him to cater to you, accepting his flowers? Do they even know about each other?"

"I mentioned Cameron to August, he knows about my whole situation." she then massaged her temples "Cameron doesn't know about August though..."

"And why the hell not?"

"It's none of his business Drea that's why, I don't have to explain my next move to anyone, let alone my ex."

"That's true to a certain extent, but at the same time it's like you're straddling the fence— if you didn't still have some type of feelings for Cam, would you have told him about August? Or are you sparing his feelings because you're still in love?"

Laurielle laughed in disbelief, "Wow Drea, it's interesting to me that you feel like you know everything to it's entirety."

"Answer the question, because if you don't be honest you'll just be proving my point. Besides Cameron is a snake, and I wouldn't put anything past him. You need to get out of your heart and get in your head when it comes down to him, he'll play coy and then put the knife right into your back again, I know his type because I've dealt with men like him for years."

Laurielle knew that Andrea meant no harm, and she'd never steer her wrong.

"I apologize if I came off a bit harsh, but you already know how I am about you— I told you in the past and I'm going to tell you again, be careful." she then leaned over the counter pulling Laurielle in for a hug "I love you so much, don't ever forget that okay?"

"Okay." she whispered while clinging on to Andrea tighter, she felt weak in a sense and savored the strength exuding from her cousin,

Later that evening Laurielle had decided to have a sit down with Cameron, obviously some things needed to be discussed. And while certain situations didn't necessarily need closure, she felt it was necessary for this matter.

The two of them sat in silence in her living room, her posture a bit slouched, her knees driven into her chest with eyes towards the floor, while he sat confidently— his fingers were laced together almost in a negotiating manner.

"This can't continue, I said I was over it but the truth is I'm really not. It'll take a little more time and I'm completely fine with that, I have to accept this fate. We have to close this chapter in our lives, start fresh, and keep pushing. I've suffered long enough and I'm tired Cameron..."

"You can't even look me in the eyes, and say you don't want this— because it's not true Lauri. We are destined to be together, and I know I made a few mistakes but I've learned from them. Couples go through hardships all the time, especially the married ones."

"That's the thing though Cam, we aren't married." she finally looked into his eyes "We couldn't even make it down the freaking aisle, that alone proves to me that we don't belong together."

"But I love you,"

"There's no doubt in my mind about that, it's just that your actions said otherwise. I'd never do what you did to me, to anyone."

"All I'm asking for is another chance please, I can do so much better Lauri. I apologize for hurting you I really do, I can't lose you."

"I've got to do what's best for Laurielle, I've placed you on this pedestal for long enough. It almost cost me my life Cameron, and that's the part you're not understanding." stray tears began streaming down her face as she spoke "I could've died all because of a broken heart, I couldn't battle this hurt on my own so I turned to prescribed medications."

She eventually dried the few tears while standing to her feet, "I want to be free, mentally I'm running away from this suffering, this darkness, this heartache..."

"Laurielle please," he stood up as well and placed his hands on each side of her face, her glossy eyes began to fill with tears again "I'm so sorry."

"You should be," her voice cracked as she pushed him backwards a bit, eventually breaking— she continued to shove at his chest as he encouraged intending for her to release all of her anger

She needed to let go, she had been holding everything in for the longest time. With more force, her shoving became overly aggressive as she sobbed harder until she didn't have an ounce of fight left,

Collapsing against him, she buried her face into his chest as he held her close and gently rubbed circles into her back, "I'm so proud of you for finally standing your ground, especially when it comes down to me. You needed that breakthrough..."

He pulled back to look at her tear stained face, "None of this was your fault, you were the perfect fiancé. It's all on me and I will admit that I was wrong, I just pray that one day you'll forgive me."

Drawing each other in with their eyes, they both inclined forwards meeting in the center with a sensual kiss— warmth blossomed in Laurielle's chest, but all the while she envisioned kissing the man she so desperately desired, and that man wasn't Cameron.

He hoisted her into the air allowing her legs to securely wrap around his waist, shortly after that he laid her body against the sofa,

She squirmed underneath him as he left a trail of kisses along her neck, slowly lifting her shirt he kissed upwards stopping at her breasts as he gently squeezed them causing a moan to escape her lips.

"August..." she whispered unintentionally

Once she had realized what she had said, her eyes shot open as Cameron held an unpleasant expression on his face, although he was evidently pissed she was glad because the last thing she wanted to do was sleep with him,

Sighing to herself she fixed her shirt before sitting up, "Cameron I—"

"You lied to me,"

"I didn't lie I just—"

"Didn't tell the whole truth? Give it to me now then, are you or are you not seeing someone else Laurielle?"

"I can't explain our situation because it's so complicated, August and I have spent some time together but there isn't like a title or anything, at least not yet. I should've been honest about it when you asked, I know."

"Can't fault you for trying to get payback,"

"This isn't a tit for tat type of thing Cameron, you've moved on so why can't I? What am I supposed to do, just mope around and be sad for the rest of my life? I don't think so..."

"Whatever," he stood up while looking down on her in disgust "I definitely don't want you now after that, you done gave it up to another man."

"Excuse you? I happen to respect myself a little more unlike some people," she said referring to him "Nothing ever happened Cameron, get over yourself."

"You expect me to believe that with the way you just moaned this man's name, in my face!?"

"Did that hurt?" she folded her arms with sass as he chuckled

"Wanna know the real reason why I started cheating on you, it's because you're boring— especially in the bedroom. I need a woman who's open to a variety of things, you're a plain Jane when it comes down to everything honestly."

"You bastard," she shook her head before standing up, and marching towards the front door "Get the hell out of my house."

"As you wish." he held his hands up in surrender "Oh, and good luck on trying to convince August that we're not still working on us,"

"What are you talking about Cameron?"

"He may have called the day I brought you home from the hospital, and while I was making your food I answered your phone..."

"Are you crazy!? What did you say to him!?"

"It wasn't me that he was upset with, it was you— after all Lauri, you're not seeing anyone." he winked and finally made his exit by slamming her door

Laurielle quickly ran to get her phone and dialed August's number, she paced back and forth hoping to get an answer but there wasn't one,

She cursed out loud while running her fingers through her hair, Andrea was right.

Cameron had put the knife into her back yet again, and now it has potentially cost her the relationship with August.

Her only other option was to show up in Idyllwild uninvited, would he even consider hearing her out?

"What if he never wants to speak to me again, God please..." she grabbed her car keys and headed out

Two hours felt like thirty minutes to her as she entered Idyllwild; Pulling up to his home she hopped out and wasted no time banging on the door, "August! Open the door please I need to talk to you!"

She hadn't gotten an answer, so she went around to the window and before she could bang on it, she noticed that the home was empty, all of his art, the books, everything was gone—