《A Dangerous Game》Chapter 38
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"Mila," Catherine exclaimed in a breathless tone, answering the door after Mila had proceeded to bang against it several times. Her brow knitted together in immediate concern. "Wha-What are you doing here? Is everything okay?"
"I think I'm in trouble," Is all she was able to say, her stomach twisting into a thousand tiny knots. She'd been agonizing over whether to make a visit to the Lingards, and after getting hardly any sleep and spending the better part of her morning hunched over a toilet bowl, she'd finally decided to bite the bullet. Josef would be at the office all afternoon which meant she'd have plenty of time to slip across town to Harvey and Catherine's and back without having to explain her absence.
"Come in," Catherine replied, ushering her inside. "Quickly." Casting a sideways glance at the street in front of the house, she closed the door behind them.
"Is Harvey here?" She asked, allowing Catherine to lead her out of the foyer, into the familiar sitting room where their meetings were held.
"No. He's at work," Catherine replied. 'Good,' she thought to herself. The thought of breaking the news to Catherine had been bad enough, but she'd been particularly dreading Harvey's reaction. "Mila, what's this about? Are you okay?" Catherine asked, eyeing her suspiciously.
"I'm pregnant," She said, the words coming out flatter, more matter-of-fact, than she'd intended them. Catherine inhaled sharply, taking a seat on the sofa before speaking.
"How sure are you?" She asked, patting the cushion, motioning her her to sit down.
"My monthlies haven't come," She replied, taking a seat bedside Catherine.
"Did they come last month?"
"Yes," She nodded.
"There's still a chance you're just late," Catherine began, though her tone was void of any optimism.
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"That's not it," Mila shook her head. "I know in my heart it's not."
"Do you have any idea when it might've happened?"
"I..." She looked away, embarrassed. Truthfully, it could've been a number of times over the last month. She didn't want to admit that to Catherine though. "I can't be sure."
"I see," Catherine nodded.
"What am I going to do?" She asked, the knot in her stomach rising up her throat, bringing a fresh wave of tears that stung her eyes, with it. She bit her cheek, pushing the feeling away.
"Absolutely nothing," Catherine shook her head. Grasping Mila's hand, she have it a reassuring squeeze. "I know a doctor who's discreet ... He'll have what we need to take care of it."
"An abortion?" Mila asked, visibly taken aback by the suggestion. She shook her head, slipping her hand out of Catherine's. She'd seen the aftermath of an abortion time and time again, in her father's clinic ... And the glassy, hollow eyes of the girls who'd made the decision - or had it made for them.
"It's not what you're thinking," Catherine continued reassuring her. "Chances are, you're only a month or so along, if that ... He'll give you something to make it pass. It will come away naturally with your monthlies. Maybe a bit more bleeding that usual, but nothing you should worry about,"
"No," She stood to her feet. "I ... I can't."
"You're not the first woman in your position to wind up in the family way, and you certainly won't be the last. This is how it's dealt with."
"No..." She shook her head indigently. Catherine eyed her, a saddened expression overtaking her features.
"You love him, don't you?" She asked after silence had overtaken the room. Mila looked away, unable to meet her scrutinizing gaze any longer. "Oh Mila..." Catherine sighed. "I know you think he feels the same way - and maybe on some level, he does - but the two of you don't even know each other ... Not really. The truth is, he's fallen in love with a ghost - And you, an idea ... a disillusioned idea of what could be if he knew the truth." She stood to her feet, touching Mila's arm gently. "He doesn't though ... And he never can."
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"I know that," She said, sinking back down on the sofa.
"I know what you're feeling-," Catherine began, but she cut her off.
"No you don't ... You and Harvey've shared every piece of yourselves with one another ... You've had to."
"I know what it feels like to love someone..." Catherine continued after Mila's interruption. "And I know what it's like to feel like a shell of yourself because you can't have them." Grasping her hand, she pulled Mila to her feet. "It will take a few days for arrangements to be made. I'll send word when I've spoken to the doctor," She said, signaling that the conversation was effectively over.
Mila nodded, feeling number than she'd ever felt before. She didn't know what she'd expected from Catherine ... Understanding? Someone to listen to her maybe? She certainly hadn't gotten either one of those things though. Turning for the door, she shuffled out of the sitting room.
"Mila," Catherine called once she'd reached the front door. She looked over her shoulder at Catherine, who was propped against the entryway to the foyer. "I know it doesn't seem so now," She spoke, with the same sympathetic smile she'd worn before. "But you will be okay again."
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