'I'm making amends with myself

Forgiving me for loving you

I took a risk loving loudly, defended you proudly

Ignored all the signs, yeah, it's true'

○

"I'm not going cyn!" I shout through my door, I had to lock myself in my room because she barged in my house ready to drag me out.

"Yes you are! I'm giving you 20 minutes to be out here dressed and ready before me and amber bust this whole door down!"

Rolling my eyes I walk over to my closet to start getting dressed.

I was real tired of being forced to go places that I didn't want to be.

Applying a light beat to my face and sliding on a sleek black dress complemented by my black ysl heels I was ready to go.

I open the door just before cyn and amber were about to barge in my room.

"Y'all do the most" I roll my eyes pushing past them.

"Ew attitude" Amber chuckles from behind and for some reason that made me even more irritated than I already was.

Leaving them behind I exit my brownstone and walk outside seeing cyns jeep parked in the front.

Walking over I open the passenger door sliding in the seat shutting the door behind me, cyn would be fine sitting in the back.

After a few seconds passed they finally came outside and got in the car.

"Chyna and rah already at the club holding down our section, when we get there you better loosen up too nic. It's new year's for christ's sake, cardi probably out here living her life" Cyn says and I clench the door grab handle as my whole body freezes over at the mention of her name.

They didn't know exactly why we had broke up but they knew we were done.

"Nicki you ok girl?" Amber questions concerned briefly looking over at me.

"Don't ever say her name" I spit threw clenched teeth.

"I'm sorry nic" Cyn softly apologizes and I ignore her looking out the window as amber took off down the block.

It took us 30 minutes with traffic to get upper Manhattan to opus Lounge.

The club was wild packed, you could barely move through the crowd.

The strong aroma of marijuana was in the air and I was pretty sure everybody in the club was getting high just from breathing cause it looked like a hotbox in here.

Me myself has had five shots, I hit a few blunts courtesy of chy, and I was currently sipping on a cup filled with dussé.

I was mildly enjoying myself, the vibe throughout the club was very vibrant as we anticipated the approaching of the new year.

"I'm about to go to the ladies room" Rah slightly shouts in my ear and I nod as she gets up from the couch.

Pulling a few paper towels from the dispenser I lightly dab my forehead and neck.

"You okay babes? That pill got you sweating bad" Kb giggles resting her chin on my shoulder as she wraps her arms around my waist.

"I think I'm just on too much shit at once" I had smoked way too many blunts to count, I been drinking henny, and on top of that ecstasy was running wild in my system.

But it was new year's and I had to bring in 2020 with a bang, I felt on top of the world right now.

"I'm about to go get you some water, you need to stay hydrated" She softly mumbles in my shoulder.

"Yea I think I do need some water, I'll meet you back in the section in a minute" I tell her as she releases me from her hold.

She walks out the restroom as I grab a few more napkins dabbing the rest of the sweat from my forehead.

"Well look who it is" My head snaps in the direction of the voice and my stomach turns up in disgust at the smirk on her face.

"Don't make me throw up" I spit in her direction before turning my head back to the mirror.

"Bitter I see, how's the single life treating you?" I could hear the teasing tone in her voice, she was trying to provoke me.

"I'll drop ya fat ass right now, bitch stop talking to me" I grit glaring at her through the mirror balling my fist, scrunching up the napkins.

"That picture got you wild hostile" She chuckles and my body relaxes as my eyebrows furrow.

"How you know about that picture?" I question swiftly turning around to look at her.

"Nicki told me" She shrugs like it was no big deal.

I look over her with hard eyes, reading her body language.

"You a dirty bitch" I chuckle shaking my head as her fist clench.

"I did what was best for my friend, we both know that you're not good for her"

"That's not for you to decide though, and for ya information I was only good to her" I shake my head looking at her in disgust, what kind of friend would go out of their way to destroy their bestfriends happiness?

"Don't act like some fucking saint, I sent you that picture and you went out and did what you had done before and eventually was going to do again anyways. If anybody ruined y'all it was you" She lousily defends herself, this bitch was pitiful.

"I should beat ya fucking ass right now yo word to mutha, I didn't plan on hurting her again. You knew that picture would trigger me you conniving hoe, and it's funny cause the only reason she even started back fucking with you after y'all fell out was because of me" I chuckle and she stands quietly looking at the floor.

"Yea I ain't no bitter bitch like you, I hope it was worth ya bestfriend happiness though ma" I drop the napkins on the floor bumping her shoulder hard as I pushed past her.

I wasn't about to let this bitter bitch fuck up my night.

"Rah you alright?" She was in the restroom for mad long and now she was just super quiet for some reason.

"Yea I'm fine, I just have a little stomachache" She sends me a reassuring smile and I nod taking a small sip from my cup, it was only halfway filled now.

"Aight y'all let's start the muthafuckin countdown!" The DJ shouts and the club fills with cheers.

"Happy new year!" We yell in unison.

Most of everybody in the club was kissing somebody, I was kind of sad but I wasn't really trippin.

The lights in the club beamed over the crowd shedding light on people.

Adjacent to our section the lights shined and my whole world stopped at what they had shed light on.

My heartbeat fell silent to my ears as my heart shatters into a billion tiny little peices all over again.