《The Worst (Unthinkable)》Insecure
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'How I adore our love would be so true
I just wish you knew
I'd be all yours if my mind didn't wonder
I've got scars from my life before you
Please don't think I'm insecure
I just can't trust no one else'
○
I folded under pressure, I ran out like a lil bitch and didn't look back.
I was really feeling pussy cause I couldn't bring myself to pick up the phone and call her, I knew she was hurting but my pride and shame was holding me back from making this shit right.
I inhale deeply from the backwood ashing the rest, I didn't know what I was gone do.
My past had made it so hard for me love her the way she loved me, I wasn't insecure just damaged.
I couldn't apply all of me to her.
That nigga really did a number on me and it was costing me something so precious to me, someone that I had grew to adore and love.
I tried so hard to pull away from her in the beginning and she just kept making it impossible for me to forget her, she was persistent.
She bulldozed through every wall I took time to put up so effortlessly and I couldn't handle it.
I was way past in too deep, I was so far gone.
So far gone into her and her pouring her heart out to me gave us the realness that I couldn't handle, so I ran.
I wondered what was running through her head, how she felt, what she was doing.
When I finally grew the balls to swallow my pride and see her how would it go?
Things that constantly ran through my head since I ran out her spot.
My phone vibrating next to me snatches me out these thoughts, picking it up I answer seeing it was star calling.
"Wasspoppin?" I greet.
"The block, pop out they got the bikes out here" She says and I could faintly hear them in the background.
"I'm not really in the mood right now, I'll pop out tomorrow or something" I respond uninterested.
"You aight?" She questions concerned.
"Yea I'm just mad tired for some reason" I easily lie and the line is quiet for a minute.
"Alright, call me if you need anything or something come up" She says and I nod even though she couldn't see me.
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"You know I will, be careful out there" I tell her before ending the call.
I needed a nap so I could sleep on this shit, when I woke up hopefully I'd figured out what I was gone do.
I sat on the couch legs folded with a blanket over me as I texted back and forth with quavo.
It wasn't like that though, he asked for my number after class yesterday on some friendly vibes and I didn't have the heart to tell him no.
He was surprisingly a great distraction from cardi's stupid ass.
I knew she loved me, so why was it so hard for her to just say it?
I was hurt but I knew eventually she would fall back into me, she was just scared right now.
Her running after I poured my heart out to her really did hurt me though, I cried myself to sleep that night because of the heartache I was feeling.
The only thing that's stopping my tears from falling right now is the fact that I know she's coming back to me.
She just needed time to get her thoughts together and I understood that, she has a traumatic past and I understand that opening up is a struggle for her.
I had been patient this long so I wasn't going to stop and give up on her now.
I needed her to come back to me soon though cause even though I wanted to slap her I wanted to hold her and kiss her until I grew tired.
That's the main reason why I gave quavo my number, I just needed to distract myself until she got her head together.
I sat in my car too nervous to get out and walk up the stairs of the stoop.
I was parked across the street from her brownstone trying to coach myself into getting out the car.
My anxiety was driving me fucking crazy despite the two blunts I smoked before I came here.
Running a hand down my face I slump back in my seat.
Looking over at her brownstone I watch a car pull up infront of her spot.
From what I could see some nigga with dreads was in the driver's seat, I couldn't see who he was talking to.
'Probably one of her friends nigga dropping them off' I thought as him and the person shared a brief hug.
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My nervousness was quickly replaced with anger once I seen who got out the passenger seat.
Who the fuck was this nigga?
I jump out the car crossing the street just as he pulls off cause she had safely walked in the building.
My fist ball up tight as I rush up the stoop steps and into the building.
"Who the fuck was that?!" I spit walking in her brownstone.
She spins around in shock and in the next second her face falls blank.
"So I pour my heart out to you then you run out on me just to come back 5 days later and question me about whose car I just got out of?" She slightly tilts her head squinting her eyes at me.
"So you pour ya heart out to me just to be ridin around the city with some nigga 5 days later?" I retort and she scoffs chuckling as she shook her head in disbelief.
"You're fucking unbelievable" She turns on her heels walking in the living room and I shut her door before following behind her.
"Who was that nic?" I ask calmly this time as we walk in the bedroom.
"That was just a friend from school, he treated me to brunch. That's it." She softly sighs sitting on the side of the bed with one of her legs folded on top.
"The same nigga that you went to lunch with?" I question with a raised eyebrow as I sat next to her on the bed.
"Mhm" She hums and I scoff laughing.
I couldn't even hide that I was feeling some type of way.
"So wassup with y'all? Let me know before I go any further"
"What? I literally just told you we're just friends, you sound mad insecure" She chuckles and I roll my eyes.
"I ain't insecure, I just don't trust you" I blurt and immediately regret it mentally face palming myself.
"You don't trust me? You cheated on me but I'm the one not to be trusted?... Get the fuck out!" She harshly spits standing up in front of me.
"Chillll, I didn't mean it like that. I don't really trust nobody, don't take it personal" I explain ignoring the glare she had set on me.
"Look I came over here to tell you sorry for running out on you, I was mad pussy for that and I'm really fucking sorry. I-" I stop clearing my throat ignore the thumping in my chest.
"I love you too" I rush out feeling a wave of relief wash over me.
"You don't know how long I've been waiting to hear that" She sweetly smiles letting her dimples sink in her cheeks and I softly laugh smiling.
"So you forgive me?" I ask and she nods smiling.
"Of course, but you ran out before I could even get everything off my chest" She says and I fall back on the bed whining.
"Broooo"
"I'm serious cardi" She looks at me seriously and I sigh sitting up waiting for her to speak.
"I love you but I'm tired of the games, either we together or we're nothing. I need to know that you're one hundred percent committed to me and only me like I am to you" She softly sighs and I look down at the floor.
"So basically what we have now but with the title?" I laugh looking up at her and she rolls her eyes irritated, crossing her arms over her chest.
"You wanna be my girlfriend" I tease smiling goofily and she rolls her eyes trying to bite back her smile but fails miserably.
"Stoppp, bel I'm serious" She whines and I smirk grabbing her waist pulling her between my legs.
She lazily tosses her arms around my neck as I feel her up kissing on her neck, it's been too long.
"B-bel" She softly moans holding me closer by the back of my neck.
"Hm?" I hum against her neck gently sucking on the soft flesh.
"Answer me" She pulls me back by the sides of my face forcing me to look in her eyes.
"I'm for you" I tell her flipping her on the bed getting on top of her but she stops me before I could go further.
"You serious?" She softly questions and I nod.
"Deadass" I smile and she pulls me down by my neck smashing our lips together in a deep passionate kiss.
I moan in the kiss letting her take control as I stuck my hand down her leggings.
Pushing her panties to the side I slid two fingers deep inside her, she softly moans pulling back from the kiss.
"I love you" She whispers.
"I know" I mumble, she didn't need to tell me cause I always saw it in her eyes.
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