Suicide.

A seven letter word many see as being selfish, and many others see as being an escape for a lost, and broken soul.

I've never known Andrew to be lost nor broken though, always found.

It was a couple of days after I tried calling him that one night, when his mom called my parents hysterically crying about his death. I didn't even cry at first.

That was the most numb I've ever been in my whole entire life.

It didn't hit me until about 10 minutes after when I started receiving texts, and phone calls from my old friends. I then turned off my phone responding to none, and curled up in my bed in the darkness letting out quiet sobs. Words can't even explain my devastation, but looks like I'm going to have to try my best in this very moment.

Today is Saturday, and I gave everyone the okay to come over today. Over the past couple of days I haven't been at school, but made sure I sent an email to all of my teachers informing them about the current situation I was in. No one really knew what happened to me besides when Danny showed up at my door, I didn't even answer it, my parents did. They tried their best to explain everything to him. He understood it completely, and obviously told everyone else that sits at our lunch table. They were all concerned about me and tried to call, but I haven't answered any messages or phone calls from anyone. I've just been trying to cope with my family before we leave tonight to head back to Illinois for the funeral.

The doorbell rung, and I looked at myself in the mirror before I walked downstairs. My hair was messy, my face looked messy, and I was still in my bed clothes. It looked like I just woke up with a sinus infection.

I shrugged it off and then went to the door. I already knew it was Danny and everyone else so I opened it.

There stood five teenaged faces, filled with sympathy. I gave a slight smile to them all.

"Aw poor baby." Nina said automatically giving me a hug. Everyone joined in turning this into a group hug. I felt a tear come out of my eye. When everyone let go, I quickly wiped it away.

"Come, come in guys," I spoke opening the door wider. They all walked in bringing in flowers, cookies, and balloons. They're the best.

"Before you say anything, we know it's a lot. We just..wanted to cheer you up." Jackson spoke setting one of the balloons on the ground. It had a weight package at the end so it wouldn't float away.

"No it's all so thoughtful and kind. Thank you guys, really."

We all went into the family room and sat on the sofas and the floor. I guess this is the part where I explain what happened.

"My ex boyfriend..my ex best friend since like birth..committed suicide. Just only two days after I tried calling him to see if I could speak to him to just hear his voice, to maybe see if I could end up forgiving him for some of the things he has done to me." I said looking at the ground. Everyone was silent for a moment.

"That's so horrible Rose. I'm so sorry for your loss. We all are." Hanna spoke giving me a side hug. She was sitting right next to me.

"It's just crazy. I haven't spoken to him in a while but, he wouldn't do something like this. I know him he was always this..bright and happy guy. He was always helping me and others out with our problems. He was the ball of energy and happiness and always tried to bring out the best in others." I said shaking my head in disbelief. This all sounds so surreal to me.

"Sometimes the happiest ones are always the saddest ones..." Danny spoke out of nowhere. That's true I guess, but I would've noticed it. I noticed everything about Andrew.

"Rose, it's honestly so horrible that Andrew died, and may God be with him and his family, but I didn't come to your house wanting to see you be sad this whole entire time. I want to bring some laughs out of you, to remember Andrew in a positive light. So how about you start telling stories about some good things you remember about this kid, while I go get some food from your kitchen and bring it here. None of us knew Andrew, so tell us more about him." Tia smiled while getting up. We all laughed and everyone agreed wanting to me to tell stories about him.

The ones I told ranged from how one time he literally made me pee my pants from laughter, how another time we went into a retirement home saying that we were famous. It was of course Andrew's idea, and a lot of old people actually believed it. Some even told us they recognized us.

Tia finally got back with the snacks, and luckily I was just getting to the good stories. Mostly everyone was laughing until they were crying from some of the stories I was telling. Nina and Jackson even acted out a couple making sure they heard me correctly, it was all hysterical.

Saying all of this stuff really made me remember how good of a guy Andrew used to be. However, when I told him I was moving it was like something snapped, and he unexpectedly turned into a jerk.

Maybe I could have stopped his suicide by talking to him sooner than later. But I let my anger get to me. When someone does something bad to you, we automatically develop anger towards them and forget everything good there was about them. Maybe Andrew just needed to be reminded of the good and bright person he once was.

Maybe a lot of people do.

He knows he could have returned my call and came to me before he committed suicide. I would have been here for him, I would have gotten him help.

I regret not texting him back when he sent the message to me.

Hours pass by of us all laughing, and having deep conversations. Eventually my mom came downstairs saying hello to everyone, and told me that I needed to finish packing, which is super true considering the fact that we have to leave for the airport in a couple of hours.

Everyone got up deciding that it was time to leave, and hugged me goodbye as they walked out the door.

When everyone left, I looked across the street at Blaire's house. I saw the curtains move in a window upstairs, but ignored it, and shut the door behind me sliding down on it.

Seeing all of my old friends and "family" tonight is going to be hard, but joyful as well. Seeing the casket tomorrow however, is going to be a different story.

I can honestly say that death is probably the most hated thing in the world for a lot of people.

It can creep up at any moment, and consume you.