They prod and poke at her, twisting her This was and that as they fit her into a suit — skin tight, flexible leather that has yet to stick of make her sweat. Terra can only close her eyes to the ringing familiarity to dressing her for the games.

It was a little like preparing for the games, she supposed, the unofficial 76th Hunger Games with the entire Capitol acting as the arena.

They had treated it as such, at least, with danger lurking around every corner, but Terra really couldn't care less. It was as if she was stuck on replay, the words continuously echoing through her mind with no sign of respite. She felt as though she was being forced to suffer for all that she had done, left to live in torment while all that was good about her was stolen away.

Snow was going to pay for taking away her happiness. President Coin had promised her that. They would right all the wrongs that had befallen their people.

This wouldn't bring him back, but it would help. It had to.

"You don't have to do this, T," Johanna reminds her from the corner of the room she had put herself in, eyeing the whole thing with open repulsion. "They'll find another way to win their war."

"It's our war," she says, voice hoarse and croaky, but sturdy all the same.

"This won't bring Finnick back."

Flinching at his name, Terra turns her head to keep her from seeing the tears in her eyes. "Nothing ever will."

"Then why are you doing this?"

"Someone has to finish what they started."

Johanna growls. "You're terrified of blood. What do you expect to do?"

Clenching her jaw, she glares at her friend. "Whatever it takes."

"This is ridiculous! I can't. Someone else speak to her!" Johanna shouts, leaving the open room in a huff.

Terra watches her leave with a small, discernible frown. Biting back all of her emotions was the best way to handle this until it was over. She couldn't bring herself to do anything when she was thinking about him.

All she wanted to do was think of him. The love of her life, the literal sun that warmed her frozen nightmares and cracked heart, he was the what kept her together — chasing away the showdown of darkness and cold that threatened to pull her under its claiming waves, drowning her in all the parts of herself that he saved her from.

She couldn't live without him.

And clearly the world hated her so much that she wasn't allowed to live with him.

There was nothing left for her after this war was over. Terra was starting to be alright with that. She could join him sooner, wherever he was.

"Sunflower... this isn't a good idea," Annie worries, wringing her hands as she tries to catch Terra's eye.

She looks away.

"It's very dangerous. What would Finnick say?"

Her heart screams.

"It doesn't matter what he'll say, Annie! He isn't here and he's never coming back," she shouts, breaths coming in fast, frantic. "He's never... he's never going to..."

Collapsing in on herself, she crumbles to her knees, gasping for air as she sobs soundlessly, her hand covering her mouth as if it could keep her pain forced inside.

She couldn't stand it, the pain more intense than anything she had ever felt before, like icy flames tearing through her body ripping her apart at the seams. She was dying. It was going to literally kill her in the end.

Dark spots danced in her vision, electrifying pain digging through her stomach.

Terra whimpers.

"Sunflower, breathe. Relax, it's fine," Annie reassures quietly, whispering the words in her ear.

How crazy was it that she was the only other person to get through to her other than him? Like all the girls other fears and anxieties melt away in the face of someone else's meltdown.

"You need to lie down. This can wait until you're well-rested. Come," Annie says firmly. "An hour won't make things any worse."

"Oh T, you're going to hurt yourself," Johanna whispers. "Let's take her back to our room."

The walk is slow, hard, with the gawking stares and loud whispers. She can feel all of it like a stab through her soul, biting viciously past everything that she was to the small, scared girl that she hid from herself.

The suit that clung was a reminder to what she was, a scratch at her at she couldn't itch. Ruining it would only make Coin angry, more desperate than she seemed to be.

Annie and Johanna led her into their small room, directing her to one of the small beds that they had. The redhead didn't leave her side, curling up in front of her as she trembled and shook. She played with her hair, rubbed soothing circles against the palms of her hands.

"It's okay, sunflower," Annie whispered. "We've got you now. We can fight all the demons away together."

Johanna sighs and the small mattress dipped under her weight as she squeezed herself into the bed. "We'll figure it out. Small cabins in the middle of nowhere, right?"

Annie giggles. "Beach houses with a small farm for Terra and a garden. We'll fish and swim in the sun, and we'll be so far from everyone that they can't bother us."

"Haymitch will need a drinking buddy so he doesn't drown himself," Johanna quips, dropping her arm against Terra's waist to reach for Annie.

She drifts off slowly to the sound of their friendly banter, cocooned in their warmth as she lulled into a dreamless sleep.

It's not the refreshing rest that they wished for but it was enough to give her a boost of energy so that she could pull herself into a passable image of herself. It was the best that she could with what she was given. She wasn't a mentally strong person, Terra knew that she hadn't been the same since she was reaped, and he had been the source of her strength and healing, like aloe to a burn. There was no fixing herself now when she had no reason to do so and this was the best that anyone was ever going to get from her.

Everything would work out. Dead or alive, it'll work out the way it's supposed to for her. Fate has never been kind to her but she had never placed much faith in any of that.

Beetee was trying to explain something about the battle hammer she was being given, about the technology behind the lightweight metal and the while that was being twisted around her wrist.

She didn't have the patience, or the intelligence, to understand what he was saying.

It was more like he was just trying to fill the space with his rambles so they needn't have to face the silence that reminded them constantly that their friends and loved ones were dead.

Which was probably why Haymitch hadn't been seen anywhere. Terra wondered how he was faring without the ability to drink away his woes.

Terra had never been one for alcohol. He had once told her that it was necessary to get by. She was glad 13 had such tight rules. Liver failure wasn't going to win a war.

"I'm sorry for the wait," Coin apologizes as she enters, probably because she knows how much of a bad idea it is to leave her alone with her thoughts right now. "A few problems came up with transportation but all is resolved now."

"It's fine. Beetee has been wonderful company," she says, voice bland and rough.

The President hums. "Have someone get her something to soothe her throat," she commands. "Let's get started. I don't like the idea of sending you into intense battle but all fronts are just as, if not more, dangerous than the last—"

"You don't have to explain yourself to me," Terra interrupts. "I understand how strategies work, so just tell me what you need me to do."

"We need you to fight at the heart. In the Capitol. That's where the final stand will be. All eyes will be focused on you."

She blinks. "You want me there because I know the layout to Snow's mansions almost as well as Plutarch, but since he can't go himself you want to send me and are planning to use it as footage to either rouse the few that oppose to your side or to satisfy the nation because it was one of their Hunger Games survivors that won the war for you."

Coin doesn't move, the firm set of her mouth strong, unwavering. She had no doubt that one of her guesses were right, as juvenile and simple as they sounded, sometimes simple was better, easier.

"It's a good plan. I like it."

"Your team will follow you in, but they are there to help you capture the building and help you get to Snow. You mustn't hurt him," Coin orders. "But any of his close staff are fair game if they should get in your way."

The muscle in her jaw jumps, heart pounding a sluggish beat against her ribs. Egeria flashes to the front of her mind, the woman a personification of silent, evil. She wasn't sure what she would do if she got her hands on her.

"Sounds simple enough. Doesn't sound very fleshed out though..."

"No, we have agreed that you adapt well to the situation and are good at following orders. Your squad leader will let you know when you'll be safe to act on your own," Coin explains, and she suddenly looks much older, more worn. "I must implore you to listen and be careful. As Victor's, you have already gone through a very different sort of fight. It'll be a pity to lose any more of you."

It ends as swiftly as it began and Terra was being led from the room, shown to the hangar where she's welcomed into a hovercraft warmly. There were a few faces she recognized, people from 13. Salton was there, dressed in the dark military regalia that was a clear attempt to be the opposite of the peacekeepers.

He didn't speak much as she sat next to him, placing a hand to his heart before offering it to her with a bowed head -- sharing his heart and condolences in her grief, an old, nearly forgotten, District 10 gesture. She thanked him for his care.

No one else spoke to her throughout the flight, leaving her to roll the handle of her hammer in her hands, letting the heft of the smooth metal soothe her racing pulse. It was lighter to accommodate her poor physical health but still felt heavy to her tortured muscles. She would still leave a mark with one swing. Terra was certain of it. Nothing was going to stand in her way.

The flight felt like an eternity, drawing out into this skin-crawling experience that made bile rise in her throat and heat flush over her. She was antsy, mind raising with dizzying possibilities the longer she sat still, blood creeping up on her, over and over and over her. The longer she stared the more it dripped from her hand.

She gasped, purposefully knocking her hammer against her knees to jolt herself from the torment of her own brain.

"Don't be nervous. You're more than capable of walking through a mansion," someone tries to reassure.

Blinking slowly, she doesn't turn to face him as she continues to play with her hammer. "If you think Snow hasn't rigged his own home then you've got another thing coming."

"You think he would be crazy enough to put himself at risk?"

"The man chained me up like an animal for no reason other than to make me suffer. Turning his home into an arena is nothing to someone like him."

"It'll be like the rest of the city," someone else comments. "You think you can maneuver through the traps better than the other team?"

Heartbreak and grief spike through her heart, tearing at it savagely. The other team. Him. She doesn't offer a reply, not wanting to give the woman a single trace of comfort.

How dare she mention them to her?

Besides, if three past victors couldn't last, then how did they expect her to?

The hovercraft descends slowly, landing close enough to a firefight that makes her jump with each loud sound that rings like a cannon in her ears.

"Welcome to the 76th Hunger Games," Terra mutters to herself.

°°°

Hello! still unsure how im gonna do the ending... by i do love a happy ending!!!

I also love a sad ending....

We'll see!

Unedited

2019-11-13