The sky was a stormy turmoil, threatening at any second to unleash a surge of dreary precipitation. I couldn't help but think it was fitting weather for the day. The remaining December snow had turned to a dirty grey slush overnight that swished and crunched when you walked through it and it stuck to my shoes as I stood among the crowd. My socks were soaked but it was a minor convenience, far from my focus. Somewhere ahead, an elderly priest dressed in formal attire droned on about heaven and angels.

Half the school was here along with the entire faculty and somewhere further towards the front was Leah, sobbing into the arms of one of the other girls in her grade. Part of me wanted to comfort, to be comforted but I couldn't move. Could barely think. It was like my brain couldn't process that this was actually happening.

"Our Father in heaven we thank you that through Jesus Christ, you have given us the gift of eternal life..."

A few stray raindrops touched my forehead. Near the head of the casket, a woman wailed and curled up on herself while a man consoled her and murmured words I couldn't catch. I wanted to react similarly; to cry even but nothing happened, it was as if my emotional faucet had been turned off completely. My heart thudded away in my chest at a steady rhythm, not too fast but not too slow. Despite the current state of things, I was not in any danger from anything but my own personal guilt for the current state of events.

"When the time has come, let us depart in peace, and see you face to face, for you are the God of our salvation."

The congregation murmured amens. The air was solemn and quiet besides the occasional cough or sniffle.

"Amen," The word fell from my lips but held no meaning. What was peaceful about this? I wanted to be angry, to scream, to sob, something.

"It's a damn shame," an older man said on my left side with a sad shake of his head beside me to his friend. Nobody I recognized. "She was only sixteen you know?"

My blood started to boil as I shifted from foot to foot the best I could uncomfortably. How can someone speak of a dead person with the same sense of disappointment one might speak of a missed football game?

The other man shook his head in agreement but turned back to the service. Drops of icy rain were beginning to come down more persistently, landing on the brown coffin lid with resonating 'ping' sounds before sliding off the side and disappearing into the earth. Here and there an umbrella unfurled and ejected, adding a splash of color sporadically among the crowd like bulbous tulips erupting from the sea of black.

The priest paid no mind to the falling water and pushed on. "Let us say the Lord's prayer."

The gathering spewed forth the words of the prayer obediently. The woman from before was no longer sobbing, but sat under an umbrella, her eyes bloodshot and swollen as she hiccupped. She looked ready to hop in the plot hole along with the casket, not that I blamed her.

Her eyes met mine before I could glance away, and I momentarily wondered if she'd read my thoughts. Did she know that I caused this? That I was the reason she was here burying her daughter on Christmas Eve and not sitting at home preparing for the holidays?

I allowed my free hand to drop to my side and I broke eye contact, looking down at my shoes. My left calf was in a heavy leg brace and my left arm in a sling. The doctors said I was lucky to be alive much less walking out of the hospital... well hobbling was a better word. A warm hand slipped into mine and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

I looked to my right into a familiar pair of emerald green eyes.

"Hey, you okay?"

Pain was not something I've been unaccustomed to. I was in a freak accident when I was five, my legs got caught under my body going down a playground slide and it broke both my tibias. The sound of the bones crunching was something that I could remember like it was yesterday, and I had to learn how to walk again. Once when I was nine years old, I grabbed a pan out of the oven unthinkingly without mitts and got third degree burns on six of my fingers. I remember the pustules filling with a sickly orange fluid and popping when I moved them only to refill again the next day, soaking my hands in sticky purulent material and the skin was so raw and painful I couldn't feed myself or dress myself for weeks.

These things were nothing compared to how I currently felt. Everything was black and I winced and tried to crawl back into the deep recesses of unconsciousness to escape. It felt as if I'd been hit by a truck...

A truck.

Memories came flooding back with a slice of pain ricocheting through my skull.

"Devi?" I didn't want to open my eyes, but I had to. Had to see who was calling my name. I knew that voice. That sweet husky voice that gave me butterflies and sent me spiraling.

I managed to crack an eyelid.

"Hey..." my voice was dry and barely above a whisper. He was there right beside me but behind something. A rail..? I tried to focus. I was laying in a hospital bed, okay that explains the rail. A tv mounted on the wall ahead played some movie quietly. It was dark and the television was the only source of light in the small enclosed space. Everything smelled like old air and disinfectant. I closed my eyes momentarily to think.

"Oh fuck Devi.. I'm so fucking happy to hear your voice." His hand landed butterfly soft on my cheek and I blinked before looking around. Somewhere in the background, there was an annoying bleep sound. I tried to shift but couldn't move. It was as if my entire body was paralyzed and I momentarily froze in fear. The bleeping increased in rhythm. A monitor maybe?

"Hey baby you're okay, you're okay." Judd reassured, his hands floating over me as he shook with a creak of his chair.

"Am I... why can't I move?" Panicked tears began welling up as my heart rate soared.

"You're casted up pretty good love that's all," I began to relax some as he spoke. I wanted to hear him talk forever. "You've got a fractured clavicle, your shoulder was dislocated, and your leg is broken too. You've got some cracked ribs and all sorts of bumps and bruises and you're gonna feel like shit for a few weeks, but the doctor said you're gonna be fine."

"I thought you left," my voice was weak and small. A stray tear squeezed out between my cracked eyelids.

"No no no baby, never. I'm right here. I haven't left and I'm not going anywhere. Your parents are here too but they just left a bit ago to get some sleep. It's almost midnight." His warm breath washed over my face and somewhere in the background the monitor rate quickened as he watched me with a worried frown.

"How long was I out?" I wasn't a hundred percent sure I wanted to know the answer but as the haze in my brain began to clear, I had questions. I groaned as I tried to sit up again. My entire body fucking ached.

"Two days. Are you in pain? I'll get the nurse." Before I could stop him, he pressed the red call button on the remote. A distant dinging sound echoed down the hallway.

"Yes?" a voice buzzed from the remote. I went to raise my arm and only then noticed there was a pulse ox machine on my middle finger and an IV line sticking into the back of my hand.

"Devi is awake and she's in a lot of pain." Judd's voice was still and authoritarian.

"I'll be right in." The line went dead. Judd gave me another half grin and stroked my face lovingly.

"Is my Jeep okay?" the thought appeared in my mind suddenly. "Oh God is the other person okay? It.. it was a truck right?"

Judd's eyes flickered and something dark appeared there before he spoke. "Your car is uh, pretty banged up. But salvageable."

"What about the other driver?" It felt like he was trying to avoid the subject as he looked away, breaking eye contact with me for the first time since I'd awoken. A sense of dread was beginning to pool in my stomach.

"She didn't make it." he shifted uncomfortably in his seat before meeting my eyes. "She wasn't wearing a seatbelt and was killed on impact."

My mouth fell open as his words echoed in my brain.

"She... died?" It was like he was speaking another language. The horror that began in my stomach was growing now, filling my entire chest cavity and cutting off my oxygen.

"There's something else... it was a girl from school. Lilly Williams."

The name didn't ring a bell but that didn't make it any less traumatizing. It was a girl I didn't know personally but her life had ended.

"Was it my fault?" the words left my throat before I could stop myself.

"She was texting and driving and ran the intersection." He watched me sympathetically as he explained what happened in further detail. I laid there and listened, and my heart broke for the poor girl. She was a junior and was on the soccer team. Why did I still feel guilty then?

"Knock knock," a young woman in her twenties popped her head in and interrupting us. If she noticed any heaviness in the air, she didn't show it. She was dressed in navy blue scrubs and had lavender bags under her eyes. I figured she was probably getting as much sleep as Judd was by the looks of her and she held a syringe filled with clear fluid.

"Good morning starshine I'm Carly your nurse," She smiled and came over to the other side of my bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Like shit," I grumbled. How was I supposed to feel right now? I wanted to snap at her but resisted. She seemed nice and she was just doing her job. I momentarily considered declining the pain meds but thought better of it. Judd would just force me to take them and I was in no condition to argue my case whatsoever.

"I'm gonna give you a little something to tide you over until the doctor can get up here. I've already let him know you're conscious." The nurse spoke as she inserted the needle into my IV line. "This should kick in pretty quick."

Carly left without another word, leaving us to our own devices.

Judd's mood instantly changed as his juniper eyes jumped to the medical equipment with a quick mischievous smirk before landing back on me. His thumb wiped at the stray moisture collecting along the side of my face and he rested his head on the metal rail. "In any other situation I would wonder how fast I could make that thing beat but I don't want to break you."

A snort left my throat before I could catch myself. "You're not gonna break me. Gonna take more than this to get me flustered." I attempted my own grin but failed miserably when the morphine spread through every single synapsis in my body all at once leaving me feeling warm all over and sleepy. My eyes drooped heavily as if they weighed a hundred pounds each. Suddenly nothing mattered besides sleep.

"Don't.. don't leave." I could barely open my mouth to speak and the words came out slurred.

"I'm not going anywhere," Judd murmured, reaching up and planting a kiss on my forehead as I hit the pillow and shut my eyes.