《Tear You Apart》Lost On You
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"How's work going?" My father sat at the opposite end of the rectangular dining table that was nestled in our small kitchen. He barely looked up from the newspaper he was reading. Despite the fact he was a mere five feet in front of me, he might as well be a thousand miles away.
"Fine."
I didn't bother responding. My father and I were birds of a feather. My cerulean eyes and Greek nose were my mother's, but that ever-present detachment was my father's. That's why mom left us behind. She wanted to join the world of the living; she was tired of living with a couple of apathetic corpses.
Standing indifferently, I grabbed my half-finished bowl of food and carried it to the sink. Discarding the contents into the trash, I stood in front of the sink washing the dish slowly. The water was hot on my hands, turning my flesh from its normal alabaster to vermillion. It felt good. A momentary flash of color in my world of grey oblivion. I continued my task, enjoying the steam rolling up and caressing my face lovingly with butterfly soft touches. I felt dizzy.
I couldn't think. I couldn't focus.
A small voice in the back of my mind was trying to claw its way to the surface and after a fuzzy moment I recognized it after a second as self-preservation, begging me to remove my hands from the near boiling water.
Blinking in confusion I dropped the bowl, barely registering the dull thud the ceramic made in the sink basin as I stared at my skin. They were blood red and throbbing.
I turned away, the steam dissipating indifferently into the air.
My skin was felt like it was on fire.
I cursed under my breath, standing there staring at my palms which were raw and angry.
How long had I been standing there like that?
**
I decided to skip school the next day.
Feeling on edge still from the events in the kitchen, I tried to justify to myself that a mental health day was what I needed.
Dad wouldn't notice anyway. He had his own problems to deal with.
I was laying in my bed wrapped in my favorite grey Sherpa throw blanket watching some old school black and white movie on my aging laptop when my phone buzzed.
It was Leah. It was only seven thirty AM, but she didn't miss a beat, I thought to myself as I texted a reply. I'd been up since four AM and hadn't moved. I made up some lame excuse about not feeling well and tossed my phone on the bed so that I could be reabsorbed in my world of cheesy monsters and blonde bimbos.
As soon as the phone hit the sheet it was buzzing again.
I'm sure that was just chance, I thought with heavy sarcasm.
I didn't reply, instead putting the phone on silent and setting it on the nightstand beside me. There was nothing coming from that piece of plastic and glass that couldn't wait for my attention. I needed to get back to my movie.
The creature was chasing the blonde through a lagoon when my eyes started to sag.
The next thing I knew, I was running.
Where was I?
There was a sense of panic in my chest that threatened to burst out. I was wading through knee deep black water that clung to me, trying to drag me in. There was a shadow moving somewhere behind me. It was getting closer.
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My legs felt like they were made from lead and the water was the consistency of jelly. There was no escape.
The creature was upon me in seconds. It opened its giant maw to reveal rows and rows of white teeth resembling kitchen knives. It moved to swallow me, and I screamed...
Awakening, I was thrown back into reality. My eyes were wild, and my chest heaved to take in oxygen as I took in my surroundings as I sat up swiftly. I was in my tiny bedroom, legs tangled in the sheets at the end of the bed. My laptop was half closed, the screen black and it was perched haphazardly against the wall, threatening to fall into the crack there at any moment. Sunlight shone in through the holes in the blinds, casting a warm glow on the otherwise dark space.
My body was covered with cold sweat and I could hear my blood pressure in my ears as I tried my best to sooth the pounding of my heart.
"Just a dream..." I self-pacified, running a hand through my tangled hair.
I checked my phone for the time. It was nearly two thirty PM.
Untangling myself from the bedsheets, I grabbed a towel off the floor and headed for the bathroom for a shower. The idea of the hot water washing away the filth and sweat clinging to my skin was too good to pass up.
After I was satisfied, I'd scrubbed every inch of my skin clean, I stepped out and sent Leah a message. As badly as I just wanted to crawl back into bed, the idea of falling behind gave me a small sense of anxiety.
Throwing on dark jeans and a white tank top, I glanced at the foggy bathroom mirror. There were lavender bags under my eyes, and I looked ill. At least I could keep up with the lie I had told Leah.
I raked my hairbrush through my still-wet silvery locks and styled it into a messy bun. I didn't bother with makeup, embracing my corpse-like appearance.
My phone vibrated, signaling Leah's text. I agreed to come grab her from school and we would go to her place to discuss this project.
For a moment, her brother's juniper green eyes flashed in my mind.
I shook away the image and grabbed my keys.
**
Leah was rambling about something that happened at school when we pulled into her driveway.
I was keeping track of the fact her lips were moving but I barely paid attention to the words coming from her mouth. I didn't have the mental capacity to care about whatever irrelevant word vomit she was spewing, opting to throw in an occasional "uh huh" or "oh really?" which seemed to suffice as she led the way into her home.
It was clean and hardly felt lived in compared to the last time I saw the inside of her house. As we walked over the threshold, Leah announced our presence to the house's occupants.
A man taller than both of us walked in from the kitchen. He was wearing a blue business suit with a blush pink dress shirt. I could see the infamous baby blue eyes Leah and her younger brother whose name I couldn't remember had inherited from where I stood. He had dark hair like Judd and the younger brother. This was undoubtedly the father.
"Ah, welcome home my perfect daughter, how was your day?" His voice was light and airy, almost feminine as he approached us. "And who is this?"
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"Hey Dad," she waved to me nonchalantly but in an introductory manner. "This is Devi."
I was instantly uncomfortable as his gaze met mine.
"Any friend of Leah's is a friend of the Birch's. Absolutely my pleasure to meet you Devi, my name is Dr. Elliot Birch," he opened his arms and it clicked in my head he was going in for a hug. Instantly warning lights were going off behind my eyes.
As politely but urgently as I could, I weaved to avoid his embrace and brought my hand up to offer a shake instead. In that moment, I wanted absolutely nothing more than to be hugged by this man.
He seemed to catch on and courteously took my hand in his, firmly but in an almost loving matter. How did he manage to turn even a common handshake into something affectionate and sensual? I watched him quizzically, but his smile was unfaltering.
"Anyway, we're going to study," Leah interrupted, pulling on the sleeve of my black hoodie towards the stairs. I followed her, gratuitous for an excuse to break contact with Elliot. This family was... interesting to say the least.
"Devi, you're staying for dinner, right? I'm making zoodles!" Elliot's voice resounded off the walls as we climbed the stairs.
"What the fuck is zoodles?" I questioned Leah as we made our way to her room. The hair on my arms stood up as we passed the door with the caution tape on it and the memory of Leah's brother's room flashed through my brain. I was momentarily distracted by an odd fluttering in my chest.
"Zucchini noodles. He's a really good cook if you want to stick around and find out," she offered as we entered her bedroom and she threw her bag down. It was decently sized, the walls a mauve purple, and was relatively barren besides random posters and ornaments nestled in the corners.
The fluttering had stopped and for a second, I wondered if I was developing heart palpitations. I put a pin in the idea, I'd have to explore that later.
Leah started filling me in on what I missed.
We had an assignment in Government to create our own original bill that would be put through a mock version of our own administration. We would only get a passing grade if it made it to becoming a law so we would need to do decent research and have a compelling argument. Easy enough. We got comfortable and started brainstorming ideas.
Two hours later I was beginning to think maybe it wasn't going to be so easy.
Leah was sprawled across the bed on her stomach, her phone inches from her face while I lay with my back to the plush shag carpet rubbing my temples.
"What about animal rights? Surely there's something there?" I asked desperately. Coming up with something interesting, yet original was proving more difficult than we'd thought.
"What- like a bill against animal testing or something? I think they've already done that." She began typing on her phone, clearly to confirm her suspicion before speaking up a second later. "Yep."
I let out a groan of frustration when Leah's little brother waltzed by the open door, saying something about dinner being done before heading downstairs.
"Thanks Nick! Let's take a break. My brain is going to explode if I have to google anything else," Leah sighed, tossing her phone onto the bed beside her. I made a mental note to try to remember her brother's name this time around.
I got up and followed her obediently. A break was definitely a good idea, my head was throbbing. We weren't even halfway down the stairs when the smell of garlic and basil permeated my nose. It made my stomach growl instantly. I wasn't a huge fan of Italian food, but this smelled otherworldly.
Nick was sitting at the table already, texting on his own cell phone. There was no sign of anyone else besides Elliot.
The doctor turned from the stove towards us and I had to stifle a giggle at the pink apron he wore.
"Hope you ladies are hungry!" his grin was sincere as he went back to mixing what I could only assume was the 'zoodles'.
"It smells wonderful dear," a woman appeared behind us. I turned and met her with a polite smile as she glanced me over. Judd had her eyes. The same unnaturally green; unsettling yet entrancing. Her strawberry blonde hair was shoulder length and styled. "Hello I'm Diane."
I quickly stuck my hand out to avoid any unnecessary hugs and she met me warmly.
"I'm Devi, thank you for having me," I introduced myself as my hand fell back to my side and Leah motioned toward the table.
"Devi and I are doing our Government project together," Leah explained to her mother as we sat. Leah was to my left, Nick was directly in front of me, leaving two empty chairs between Diane and myself, presumably for Judd and Elliot. I tried to ignore the butterflies that were suddenly back with a vengeance. What the fuck was wrong with me?
I turned to face Leah as she spoke further. "We have to come up with our own bill and try to have it passed into law."
"How about a law that makes retardation illegal so they can lock you away?" A faceless voice said behind me. That voice was ingrained in me now. Smooth and cold with a brazen finish.
"They'd take you too dickwad," Leah replied snidely and stuck her tongue out at him as he seated himself loudly beside me. Suddenly my sympathetic system was working in overload. My heart was pounding in my chest so loudly, surely someone heard it. If Judd or anyone else noticed me or my reaction, they didn't act like it thankfully. Elliot was busy scooping heaps of zoodles on white ceramic plates and passing them to everyone at the table, filling the air with wafts of sharp and savory garlic again and Leah and Diane were discussing something I couldn't pay attention to.
"Right Devi?" Leah and Diane's attentions were suddenly on me, looking for verification. I snapped out of the self-induced anxiety attack instantly, although it was quickly replaced by the 'deer in headlights' look. I had no idea what they were referring to.
"I was saying how good Dad's zoodles smelled," Leah chuckled, a glint of something I didn't recognize in her eyes.
"Oh, um yes it smells wonderful Elliot," I stammered with a small blush. Elliot thanked me as he finished dishing out dinner and took his place in between Judd and Diane.
"So, Devi tell us about yourself," Elliot's words fell onto me like heavy stones. The one sentence I hated to hear the most.
I started panicking all over again.
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