George remembered the first few days after his pod's death very clearly.

He'd expected himself not to have, to block it out due to the trauma of it all, but no, it sat there, ingrained in his memory, clear as day, not a single detail forgotten.

He wasn't sure how to feel about that. He'd feel sick if he didn't remember those things, it would be worrying, and yet, sometimes he wished he could just forget it all.

He wished to forget the way he swam in a daze for so long. How he cried, and slept, and woke up and cried again. How he tried to fight the shaking in his body when he realised he was alone. To try and wipe away the blood flashing behind his eyes every time he closed them.

He loved his pod. More than anything, he'd loved them. They were his family, there for him through thick and thin. Even though he was a teenager at the time, going through phases and trying to figure himself out, he still found himself knowing one thing. That was where he belonged.

But those memories hurt.

Why should he have to be in pain? Why should the burden of his families death still hang heavy over his shoulders?

He loved to remember the little things. The way his mother would run her hands through his hair to lull him to sleep. The way Karl and he would spend hours exploring abandoned ships and scary caves. The way the elders would tell them off, but ruffle their hair fondly, because they were never really angry, just worried, because they were loved.

It made him feel sick to think that he no longer had that. So much so that he almost wished he could just forget about his past. If he couldn't remember, then maybe it wouldn't hurt so much.

George was sitting on the deck next to Dream, letting the cool wind sift through his hair, the ghost of his mother's hands running through his brown locks.

He shivered, pulling his jacket around himself tighter. Dream had gotten him one after he'd had to borrow the blondes'. He'd been very thankful, of course, but he had the odd desire to keep Dream's on.

He didn't though.

He couldn't.

George's eyes fluttered almost shut as they sat on the benches lining the ship's frame. Through his eyelashes, he could see the ocean, as the water churned ominously, the quickly darkening sky making it look all the more daunting and large.

He'd never realised it, when he was in the water, just how big the ocean really was.

He was constantly on the move down there, having to fight for survival and to keep his life, that he'd never really noticed just how much he moved around.

It wasn't often that he let himself go into the water that stretched further down than he'd ever been before. He usually just stuck to reef's, cave systems, or places that had lots to occupy the water with. It made him feel less lonely, that way, among the seaweed, coral and fish.

But as he looked across the vast expanse of water, not being able to find an end, he shivered.

It was entirely different from this perspective. This was what humans saw all the time? He pitied them. They would never know the beautiful waters and life that lay below the surface. They would never know the rush of gliding through the water at rapid speeds, or the thrill of hunting. Or how the sunlight bent through the water from below.

George gazed up at the sky. He pitied himself. He had no idea if he would ever experience that ever again. He was just like those humans now. Stuck. Above water, never to live, not really.

He glanced down at his legs and felt a pang of sadness. They were neat. That much was true. They were intriguing and new, and something to learn about. But they weren't him. Not really.

He did not dare mention the odd feeling in his chest to Dream. The man was so excited to finally share something really human with the merman, he didn't want to ruin it. Not when things were so good.

George tried to let himself listen to the wind. Just like he did when he visited the surface. His heart ached to hear the music, the whisper of his mother, the whispers of thousands of years old merfolk, to hear what merfolk long forgotten and gone from this world would sing, but he could not. They were so faint. Every once in a while, a small murmur echoed through the sky, one only he could hear, but it was different. Fragile, even.

As every second grew, he found himself detaching more and more from who he's supposed to be.

He looked down at the moon heart crystal hanging from his neck. So innocent, it looked. So beautiful. He wondered if it knew it was the source of his problems.

He'd been so excited. So ready to face this challenge, with Dream by his side. To find something else to think about other than his impending doom.

He hadn't expected to feel so lonely. He had more people around him than he had in years, and yet it was the most disconnected he'd felt in a long time.

George decided it was probably nothing to worry about. He'd transform back into his normal merman form when the time came, and it would all come back to him. He'd be normal again.

...Right?

George sighed, running a hand through his hair, and Dream looked over at him. The blonde nudged him slightly, causing George to snap his eyes to the masked man.

"You ok?" Dream asked, and George pondered it for a moment.

Okay? Was he okay? What an interesting question that was.

Who decided what okay felt like? How would he know what okay was?

"Yeah," he murmured, after a minute, "I'm good."

Dream continued to look at him as if he did not believe him, but he did not fight it.

George was thankful he did not.

They continued to watch the sky as the sun set, and George found himself agreeing with Dream. Sunsets really were beautiful.

When the man had gone on and on about it before, he hadn't cared much. But now? Well, he could see the appeal.

Even if he couldn't see the colours properly, and even if they probably looked far much better to Dream, he still found himself loving them.

He glanced over at Dream.

He wondered if Dream wasn't there, would he still like them?

George sighed slightly, looking at the water.

Yes, he was scared. He didn't feel too right. He was so worried and unsure that it almost consumed him.

He brought back his previous thoughts on belonging. His family, under the water, was where he belonged. But they were dead. They weren't coming back, he knew that much. He'd known that for a long time.

George had spent years trying to find somewhere to belong again. He'd always failed.

Dream slowly intertwined their hands, and George blushed, not looking away from the water.

He was different. So so so different. He and Dream were not the same. But even with their differences, George could feel himself smiling.

His eyes moved over to the side of the ship, where Skeppy and Bad were cuddling under a blanket, then over to Phil and his boys, where they laughed at some joke, Tommy almost doubling over from his laughing fit. He looked over at Niki, who held out pastries, while Ranboo tried to consume all of them, almost choking, as she laughed at the younger boy.

He watched them. He watched them laugh, watch them be themselves, watched them be what they simply were. Human.

He looked back to his hand that was being held by Dream.

He used to belong with his family. He used to belong in his pod. But now, well, now George found himself belonging here. And he couldn't be happier.

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Hello friends!!! Another chapter, right back at you! Very little dialogue this time, mostly to just get the idea of how George is feeling out there, but yeah.

I wanted to say thank you so much for all the kind words!! They really mean a lot to me. I know yesterday I said I had a bad day, which is true. I've been having a lot of them recently, but I'm still going to update. Because it makes me happy, even if it doesn't last forever. You guys make me happy, really

Also, just a small idea, to those of you who actually read the author's note, I was thinking of maybe doing a tiny Q&A soon? Just some random questions, could be either about the story (no spoilers tho) or me, or stuff like that. I'd just put the answers in an author's note in the future, maybe next if anyone decides to ask stuff, I don't know. If you do want to do that, drop some comments below! I will 90% answer them

Anyway, thanks so much for your support. I love all of you guys sm!!

Happy reading!!!

-Bee

(6/2/21)

Co-posted on ao3