finneas, die alone.

We're due back for the meeting tomorrow and my mind can't wrap around it all. If only Khalil knew what he was throwing me into when he sent me here, he sounds so amused over the phone but I'm in hell.

A dark little fantasy that I'm struggling to grasp, every part of me longs for her and to be with her but it isn't my decision to make. I agreed to be here because I knew I want to bring her back with me, to have her be with me but now that's all seeming a lot harder.

"So, she can just choose to drop you too?" My brother asks, the amusement still there.

I grunt, "Khalil, I won't be speaking to you for much longer if you continue sounding so fucking pleased by this." How could any of this bring him any sort of joy?

I know they have their own relationship but it would definitely go bye-bye if she were to not continue the mateship. Not that I'd force it upon him to not be in contact with her but I'd like to make him believe that I would.

He chuckles, "Because I told you brother, I told you not to leave. I told you to put your big boy pants on and apologise for the dumb shit you said but no. You wanted to be a coward and run, the Moon gave you another chance and you ran. Quite frankly, this is exactly what you deserve."

I'd be lying if I said deep down I hadn't known that I had made the worst mistake by leaving. I was so set in my ways that I had believed and overpowered my mind into believing that it was what I needed. I couldn't have been more wrong, I could have just explained everything to Lerato — that's all I should have done.

"I messed up but I deserve a mate... she deserves a mate."

Everything has been running through my mind, all sorts of thoughts and doubts. She asked about breaking bonds, learning to live with the emptiness. Why would she want to know that if she hadn't already made up her mind? If she hadn't already known that she doesn't want a bond at all.

Maybe coming here was a mistake, maybe I was in over my head to think I could come back and make things right. Maybe a mate is no longer what she wants.

After speaking to my delightful brother for a few more moments I decide to step out of the hotel room. Having called an uber I begin making my way to the lobby. Just dropping in could seem a little rude however, I'm not sure she'd accept a visit if I call in advance.

Getting into the uber, I greet the driver before I peacefully mind my own business. My head gazing out at the open road my destination nearing, we turn into the suburban neighbourhood and soon her house comes into view.

I thank the driver before getting out of the car, I take a deep breath before walking up to the door. It was around five thirty in the afternoon, I hadn't wanted to disturb her before she had made her decision. Hopefully she had by now, I just needed to see her.

I needed to be in her presence a little longer, apologise and hope for the best response. The amount of happiness and pure living I've experienced since meeting her hasn't been something I had gotten in years. She's the purest and greatest part of my days, I know now isn't the time to tell her any of this.

My heart would have to cage all the feelings swelling within it. I just needed to make everything right.

I knock on the door and wait silently, my eyes wondering around the neighbourhood. I finally hear her yell "I'm coming!" As her footsteps approach the door. She must've looked through the peephole because I hear a sharp intake before she slowly starts unlocking the door.

Once open she smiles timidly, "Hey, Raheem." She opens the door wider and I step in, "Hi, Lerato."

I sit on the couch that's a few steps to my right, she joins me once she's shut the door, "So, uhm, what do I owe the pleasure?"

I rub the back of my neck, "I'm not sure, I knew I wanted to see you and assumed since we had a lot to talk over it would be... fine to come here. I'm sorry if it isn't, I didn't know if you'd accept a visit but now that sounds quite forceful so maybe I should —"

A light laugh escapes her lips and that's all I needed to quiet down, "It's totally fine, you're right. We do have quite a bit to talk over and honestly I'd rather do it today."

I nod my head slightly, "Alright, thanks," I breathe out heavily, "I'm sorry Lerato, leaving like that was stupid. I..." I explain it all to her, letting her know of the dream I had as well as the impact it had on me.

She sat there quietly as I told her my reasoning, her face didn't contort once which I give her much credit for because I know it sometimes has a mind of its own. And besides I knew that what I was telling her was a little odd, if we're being honest.

A dead mate's subconscious disappointment made me leave my living mate? It sounds ridiculous but I hoped she'd understand me, even if just a little.

"It's not like I feel that having a second mate is wrong, or deceitful or like I owe it to her to never be with anyone again. It's really nothing like that, I just couldn't trust myself with you afterwards. Somehow I had convinced myself that I wasn't worthy of you, if I could disappoint my dead mate I could certainly disappoint you." I sink further into the couch, my eyes scaling the wall as I rub my forehead.

From the corner of my eye I watch her fiddle with her fingers that now sit in the well between her crossed legs. Her eyes are still trained on me and I lift mine to meet hers. She smiles.

"You're too hard on yourself, Raheem. This whole thing isn't your fault, you carry her death and Siya's on your back like you asked for any of this. You didn't, it was a Grand Ball with so many important people not to mention a palace with so many important documents. You did what you thought was best, he was a rogue who taunted an Alpha he definitely had no thoughts of living.

"And that dream? You could've just told me, I'm understanding right now and I doubt I wouldn't have been back then. I completely get it, I myself found it just the slightest bit odd that you never spoke of her but then again, I never asked either. In full honesty, it was all about me and Motheo the entire time. I was completely consumed by you but I spoke of teaming up with Khalil and was just filled with so much rage from Motheo.

"We both could've handled it all so much better and I'm not going to fault either one of us for it. We live and we learn," she shrugs her shoulders, "There's absolutely no reason to beat ourselves up over it. I've got no animosity towards you or our months together."

My chest deflated at her words, greatly appreciative of her and her understanding. It had barely been two months since I last saw and spoke to her but she was already so radiant. I couldn't place the correct word for it, she was just twice the woman I had left. It was beautiful to see, I admired her for far more reasons than just being my mate.

With all that being said, she was keeping up a really good poker face, perhaps she wanted everything revealed tomorrow or perhaps she really didn't want a mate. Only one thing was clear, I would have to wait a few more hours to find out exactly which of the two it was.