holy mattress money ft. evann mcintosh, pace myself.

I didn't get any sleep that night and in the early hours of that morning once I had bathed and gotten into a tracksuit I went to Anathi's house.

Finding out what Motheo did could wait, it really could. I've been so wrapped up in that feud that I've been neglecting myself and each day I spend wrapped up in it ends in some form of heartbreak.

As it stands I could care less about either party.

Anathi opened the door and I could tell by his face that he was about to go off at me for knocking on his door and six in the morning but as soon as he saw my tear stricken face his ushered me in without a word.

I felt so guilty just barging in on him like this, I could've gone to Amanda she has no mate. I wouldn't be burdening someone else, here I am. I'm burdening his little family but I suppose it's too late now.

I told him everything, I tried as best I could to stay audible when the tears won. I also tried to stay as quiet as possible and then he just moved us into his office which like any other room with a door was soundproof.

The only rooms that were forbidden by law to be soundproof are children's rooms for obvious reasons.

Once I was done he looked so pained, I had never seen my brother look so pained before, "Surely he should know that's not how this works. You are both each other's second chance. Nobody gets a third."

"From the moment he said the words I could feel the buzz coming from his chin on my head. It just switched on."

Anathi shook his head, "It was always on, sister. That's why you cared for him the way you did, that's why you were so drawn to him. All that happened when he told you was you accepting it. Once you accepted it, you felt it."

He was right, he was absolutely right. My chest got heavy and I sobbed, I thought I was done with all of this before but this. This was far worse, I cared about Raheem much much more than I ever had about Motheo.

And his somewhat rejection hurt me way more than what was printed in the paper that day.

Anathi helped me to his guest room and lay with me until my tears stopped temporarily as sleep took over me. When I awoke my nephew was staring at me, "Hi Aunty Rato." He beamed at me.

I only hoped my face looked better today, I don't want to look like a zombie in front of my little baby boy. Zano is four years old but he is intelligent, surely the smartest of my three nephews at this age.

"Hi my baby boy, how are you?" I sat up in the bed, my body felt a little stiff as though I had been sleep for far too long.

I glance at the time and saw that it was nine in the morning, sheesh I've almost been asleep an entire day.

"I'm fine but aren't you hungry? I probably shouldn't tell you but Baba had Dr. Kea make you sleep for longer. You slept the whole day yesterday."

My eyes widened, "Oh your dad is very naughty."

His eyes doubled in size as he shook his head, "Nooo, he's very kind. You look better, yesterday you looked like you had two blue eyes. Today you look like yourself!" He cheered.

I couldn't help but laugh, "Oh, my sweet boy, come here." He crawled onto my lap as I gave him a gentle squeeze, "I love you very much, your dad too and I'll be sure to thank him for being so kind."

"Don't tell him I told you!"

I crossed my heart with my index finger, "I won't."

He gave me a toothy grin, exposing his missing front tooth. The perfect little baby boy smile, his mother called out for him downstairs and he said a quick goodbye. Speeding out the room not before giving me a kiss on the cheek.

I smiled gently and was so grateful I had come here.

Later that very day it turns out Anathi had planned a family braai. My heart exploded with joy, seeing my family all together again was special.

It was clearly he had just asked them to come over because no one asked if I was okay with worry in their eyes. They were just making conversation and just here for the meat. The pups played in the pool as their mommies watched over them and the dads all huddled around the braai stand drinking beer and laughing.

I stood at the sliding door and observed everyone, with the slightest ghost of a smile on my face.

Would we ever receive this? I couldn't help but ask my wolf, would we have a mate and pups to join in on the fun? Would we ever be happy?

"Lerato?"

I snapped out of it to see my eldest brother now stood beside me, "Oh, hey." I smiled at him.

He reached over and wiped away a stray tear, "I don't know why your journey has been so difficult but maybe it's building up to something. There has to be a purpose behind it all."

I looked up at him, "I just wished the purpose would present itself sooner."

He looped his arm around my shoulders, bringing me into his side, "Perhaps it already has, you just aren't opening your eyes up wide enough."

I laughed at the childhood joke, "There's that smile." He murmured.

When I was a child I barely opened my eyes, I looked as though I was constantly squinting. My family would always tell me to open my eyes wider, turns out I really just had small eyes. They had opened up much more now, although reference to those days always made my chuckle.

"I miss you, Thato, you should try and make more time for us."

He sighs, "I'll do better, Lerato. I promise."

We sat around the dinner and ate our food, the air thick with love and happiness. I hadn't felt this at peace in a very long while and I was very thankful to Anathi for this.

As everyone sat to watch one last episode of Celebrity Game Night together Lungile and I took a walk around the neighbourhood.

"Are you sure you want to go home today? I went past there earlier and they're still there, I can still smell them."

I fiddled with my hands that were nestled inside the pocket of my sweater, "I'm sure. I can only run for so long, as much as I wish it weren't this is my reality. I'll have to get back to it."

She nodded her head in understanding, "From what Anathi has told me it seems as though Raheem cares for you very much."

"I know he does and I know he meant well when he said what he did but the least he could've done was give me the day to make up my mind. Tell me whatever else I still don't know and let me decide."

Didn't I deserve a chance to voice my opinions and weight in on something that affects the both of us?

We were nearing the house now, "You two do have a lot to talk about."

Did we really though? He seems to have made up his mind.

"Given the chance, would you choose him over the King?"

Zano comes speeding towards his mom and she picks him up just as he holds out his arms, "I was getting worried, it's late Ma. You shouldn't be out at night, it's dangerous."

Lungile snd I couldn't help but laugh at his little face, he was being very serious and 'authoritative'.

"I'm sorry my boy, I was with your Aunty though and we were very safe."

He murmured something along the lines of, 'still unsafe.' however, the call for ice cream made him forget all about it as I hoped Lungile forgot all about her question that I was afraid to answer.

—

Lungile is Anathi's mate. (I changed her name in case anyone realised.)