khalid, coaster.

The next day actually was not any better and neither was the one after that nor the one after that. No day was any better, every day came and went and I spent it in the bath, on the toilet or in my bed. Instead, in all honesty, the days just got worse and I couldn't keep track of them. I don't know how many days I've spent like this I lost track after three.

The days dragged and with them left my happiness and pieces of me. He knew where I stayed, he knew what this would do to me but chooses day in and day out to let me suffer. Chooses to stay wrapped up in his castle and his lies.

Is it because Amanda and Anathi – and sometimes Dani – were here that he felt he didn't have to come? Or was he still afraid of being outed, too many people would now know his face, the face of a liar and cheat.

Some kind of King he was.

When night would fall I would beg the Moon, beg her for an answer, for a reason. Every night I got no response, just a bright light illuminating my face.

Why did I even spend time wishing and hoping that he'd come to see me then cursing him when he didn't, it's not like I actually want to his rancid, handsome, despicable, gorgeous face ever again.

As the days ticked on, the closer we got to the Ceremony and every time I thought of it, I just wanted to throw up.

I'm sure if my stomach wasn't as empty as it is I'd be huddled over by the toilet all day every day. When I did manage to get some food in, it was left by my door, I'd at least keep it down.

"Lerato."

My eyes shot up, was that my mother?

"Lerato Zamo, ngiyazi ukuthi ulapho. Vula umnyango."

[Lerato Zamo, I know you're in there. Open the door.]

"No." I said firmly.

"Lerato, kwenzenjani?"

[Lerato, what's happened?]

"Ma, please. Not today, I'm not ready."

"When will you be ready, Lerato? You've been in there for five days. Kea ukhathazekile, sonke sikhathazekile. Kuluma nami ingane yami."

[Kea is worried, we're all worried. Talk to me, my child.]

"Hhayi kona manje Ma, nesinye isikhati."

[Not right now Ma, maybe another time.]

I didn't want to face her, I didn't want to face anybody, I genuinely could not do it.

Another couple of days went by until my door flew off its hinges and went clattering to the ground. My eyes shot open and I instantly sat up, looking over at my broken door then over to the doorframe.

My eldest brother stood there, worry and anger written all over his face. I instantly was overcome by tears, my brother was here. He actually stopped his busy life to come and spend time with my pathetic ass. I couldn't believe it at all.

I suddenly also felt so stupid, so so stupid for letting this affect me like this. I was stronger than this, better than this. I am of Alpha blood, besides that dumb mate of mine, it doesn't get any better than this.

In fact, I am so damn strong and powerful I was chosen by the Moon to be the mate of the King. I was chosen by the Moon to be the Queen, to lead my kind. I am much stronger than I've been giving myself credit for.

"It ends today." TJ said.

I nodded my head, believing in the little pep talk I gave myself and in my brothers' words.

"You are an Alpha, you are no Luna you are by all ways an Alpha. You are a strong, powerful, independent young black woman. You can overcome anything and everything. I have never seen anything get in your way or knock down your spirit. You are fierce and you are a force to be reckoned with. You are a Zamo, your blood is not weak and neither are you.

"It's time to get up out that bed, get into that shower and move on. Whatever happened we throw it in the past and we dust ourselves off."

He approached my weak crying form and pulled me in for a hug, I shook against him. Soaking in his words and just soaking up his shirt.

My beckon of light has come in, he is here and he has spoken.

I knew he was right, I knew I had to move on, it might be way harder than he had just said – mainly because he clearly does not know what happened, so he does not know the magnitude of the hurt in my heart – but I would definitely rather die trying than die crying.

I moved away from him, wiped my tears and spoke, "You know, I didn't forget what a shower was just because I've been down in the pits."

"I was incredibly thankful for that once I kicked down the door. I really did expect to be welcomed by a week old stench."

I laughed, "Never, not this bitch." I pointed at myself, "Besides paying for my door you're definitely paying for the meal I'm about to devour."

"McDonald's?" He asks to my retreating figure.

"You know it." I close the bathroom door.

I let the burning hot water connect with my back, relishing the feel of it. I sighed, feeling a little bit better just feeling this. I loved my baths buts a piece of me missed the shower.

And I mean, yeah I could've alternated, however, being in the state I was in I didn't want to do any or much standing at all.

Exiting the bathroom, I moisturise my body, comb my hair and brush my already microbladed eyebrows and throw on an outfit.

The clothes don't fit me like they used to but I take note that I did not lose too much weight, I'd be able to gain it back in no time.

Exiting my room, I head downstairs and I'm met by my family. Everyone was sat around the dinner table, opening up several McDonald's Share Boxes. I smiled and willed myself not to cry.

I had done enough of that to last me a lifetime, or at least so I thought at the time.

◇

Once my parents, Amanda's parents, Danica, TJ, his mate Neo and their pups, Anathi's mate and their pup had left I looked over at the lone survivors. Anathi and Amanda.

"I'm sorry I put you through that." I said once we had finished throwing away the last of the plastics.

"It was expected and completely necessary. You had to get that out your system, what he did, the hurt you're feeling – it's real. You had to go through your grief." Amanda spoke.

"It's shit that you even have to go through this."

"It's shit that I have to attend that dumb Ceremony." I say.

Maybe I just don't go, maybe I could take a vacation, go someplace nice and tranquil. I didn't want to be around this atmosphere, everyone was feeling celebratory and victorious.

I didn't share the same sentiment, I wanted to be far far away from here and that Ceremony. This would be the best way because if I just stay here it would look both suspicious and bad. The 'Young Luna' not attending the Royal Ceremony, how scandalous. Why didn't she go? It would turn too many eyes.

And not to mention my jackass of a mate can easily reach me here, I'd be all alone – his favourite – so he'd finally get a chance to say his piece.

I know some people might be thinking, well bitch why don't you just let him explain himself, but he doesn't deserve that courtesy. He did not think in those moments together to tell me, he did not want to introduce himself to my family. I was – am, his dirty little secret. Me, his mate! A dirty little hidden secret.

It disgusts me just thinking about it.

He made his bed, I'm just making sure he lies in it.

I deserve better.

"I forgot about that, damn, I'm so sorry Rato." Amanda rubs her forehead, "Maybe you don't have to go." She shrugs.

"What in the worlds would be her excuse?" Anathi asks.

"I won't give one."

"What?" They say in unison.

"I won't say anything until the ball drops. I'm going to pack just like everyone else and then when everyone is set to go I'll break off in the opposite direction. When the family asks where I'm off to, I'll tell them all the truth. That way they understand why I'm going on this unplanned vacation and the Pack will never know that I did not attend."

"Unplanned my ass." Mutters Amanda.

"Oh no, this only just came to me as I was speaking." I chuckle.

"Seems viable." Anathi approves.

"I need it to be because I'm not stepping foot into those palace gates. I don't even want to see the Royal City, as much as it pains me to say."

I loved that City and as a child, I could not wait, I just could not wait to become of age and finally attend the Grand Ball just so I could be within those gates. There's absolutely nothing I wanted more and now, well now there's nothing I wanted less and it breaks me.

However, I've got to move forward. He chose his Queen and I'm just not her, perhaps the Moon made a mistake. We're told she never makes mistakes but clearly here she did.

"Well, the Ceremony's in four days, guess we've gotta get your vacation planned." Amanda beamed.

I let out a sigh, "What a bummer you can't come with me."

"I mean, it's okay. You'll only be gone a couple of days." She shrugs.

"Yeah, are you planning on returning when we do?" Anathi asks, "We're only there for about five days."

I grimaced, "That's too little, I think I'll be back once the buzz has died down a little."

"Understandable," Nods Amanda, "Goddess, Alpha's going to be so mad."

I had not thought of that, perhaps I should tell them all sooner, that way father's rage wouldn't be as bad.

Well, at least he won't know who his anger should be directed to.

I was not even born when the last Ceremony occurred, the one between Micah's parents. They had already been mated and everything so their Ceremony was quick and not televised. It was just for the sake of tradition.

The ranked attended but I was told that the Ceremony happens behind closed doors and only afterwards does everyone mingle and have a good time.

Personally, I think that's dumb. I think the whole secrecy is so overrated, what is the actual point? If I were a Royal, I would most certainly chan – nevermind.

Getting out of my spiralling thoughts, I instead focus my attention on Amanda's concern about my impromptu vacation.