thiS SONG IS FIRE

ed is so amazing like wow.

-

i walk up the hill, my two children fooling around behind me while the memories rushed back; broken leg, all my friends and my brother playing tag up here, adventuring and finding a lathe castle on this exact mountain with y/n.

on a friday night we came up here, the brightest night in decades.

the stars were shining so bright. i remember it as if it had happened yesterday.

the large fields of grass still look the same, even though i've grown so much since the last time.

i remembered how we'd get drunk at 15 on saturdays with only five friends. and we'd go crazy.

-flashback-

"c/n, slow down!" i hear y/n yell at me as we raced up the hill, carrying blankets and pillows. "no way, you'll catch me!" i reply, smirking while trying to catch my breath.

i hear loud breathing behind me and turn around to see y/n sprawled out on the green grass. "i can't move anymore..." she mumbles.

i chuckle to myself, walk over and pick her up. "here, i'll give you a piggy back ride." i tell her as she climbs onto my back.

"what a gentleman." she giggles, wrapping her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck.

"jeez have you gained weight?" i ask her playfully. "mm yes. a gentleman i called him." i practically sense her roll her eyes.

we finally made it to the castle, laying down our blankets on the grass and pillows behind us.

i pull out our pack of cigarettes and take it out. i light it and place it in my mouth, breathing in the smoke.

y/n takes it not long after, and smokes it. "if i get cancer from this, i'm blaming you." she tells me. i scoff, wrapping my arm around her shoulder as we gaze up to the stars.

"they sure are beautiful." she whispers, although no one can hear us.

my eyes shift over, taking in all her beauty. how she had small freckles, covering her nose, how she was so mesmerized by the twinkling lights, how her silky hair fell perfectly on her shoulders. damn.

"yes they are..." i whisper, not looking away. her bright eyes shift to look at me.

"why are you staring at me?" she asks, giggling. and although it's dark, i notice a little bit of pink on her cheeks.

"because, why would i waste my time looking at stars that are here forever when instead i can look at you? whom may i add might become wrinkly and old from smoking." i say, laughing softly.

she rolls her eyes playfully, but still stares at me. her head slowly leans in so that we're so close, our noses are touching. she moves her body sideways to face me and places them over my crossed ones.

my hand caresses her soft cheek, pulling her closer until our lips touch.

i swear i kissed her wrong somehow, but in the moment it seemed like nothing matters.

-end-

i sit on the grass, watching as winnie and harry rolled down the hills, reminding me of when i did that.

i miss the way y/n made me feel, as we watched the sun set over the castle on the hill.

i look at winnie, how she has the same hair as y/n did and how harry has her eyes. how winnie has freckles covering her face just like y/n used to.

i remember how when she was in the hospital bed with harry she insisted on naming him huckleberry finn because it was one of her favorite books.

later we agreed on harry because of harry potter. and it was normal i guess.

i place down a blanket and lay down, looking at the white, fluffy clouds in the sky. tears sting my eyes as it brings back memories of us cloud gazing.

-flashback-

"oh my gosh, that one looks like a moose!" y/n exclaims. "no way, it looks more like a lion." i tell her, intertwining our fingers. "you need glasses." she replies, giggling.

i sit up, as y/n looks at me confused. "i'm in love with you." i tell her. she sits up, no sign of shock whatsoever.

"took you long enough." she says before passionately kissing me.

-end-

winnie later comes to join me, laying next to me. she points at a cloud and smiles. "dad, it's a moose!" she says, giggling. i burst out, crying with no warning.

winnie wraps her arms around my neck, embracing me for comfort. "i'm- i'm sorry hun. this place is so emotional." i tell her. "it's alright dad, we can go if you want." she tells me.

i shake my head no, and get up. "i made a promise i'd show you where your mom was buried on your fourteenth birthday." i tell her, catching my breath from sobbing so much.

she nods her head. "okay. tell me if we need to go though, kay?" she says. i nod my head, making my way towards the top of the hill.

once we reach it, tears threaten to spill, once again.

-flashback-

i pull her up the hill, to the top. "why are you so excited? we come here all the time." y/n says.

"today's special." i tell her. she shakes her head. we finally make it to the top and i smile to myself.

y/n gasps, looking at all the white fairy lights and polaroids handing from branches of trees. "why'd you do this, c/n?" she asks me.

"y/n," i breathe in and out. "we've been dating since grade ten and you've now turned twenty three. i love you more than i love my dog and i wanna spend the rest of my life with you." i step down onto on knee. "y/f/n, will you marry me?"

her hands clasp to her mouth as tears stream down her face. "yes! yes a million times!" she exclaims, tackling me to the grassy floor and kissing me all over my face.

-end-

as we explore each place we make it to her grave. that's when i broke down. i haven't brought the kids here ever because it seemed special. but they're my kids, and she's their mom.

"if only you were with me right now... why'd he have to be drunk? why couldn't he have saved the bar till a different night?" i choke on my tears. "baby i miss you so much, you'd be so proud. winnie's got all a's and harry the top student in school." i shut my eyes, causing more tears to fall.

"i love you, always." i say, tracing my fingers on her engraved name.

"goodbye."

-

emOTIONAL OMG IM CRYinh!

this is probably my new favorite chapter.