Alarik rushes forward, trying to avoid my hits and kicks as those hands wrap around my shoulders and pull me in close as if being close to him can make me feel safe in the presence of the devil. He's trying to calm me down, touching my face and making my eyes meet his but it does nothing. My vision is blurry, my stomach rolling with sickness as my body remains stiff with fear. I'm sobbing out my trauma.

Ivan is laughing a soft chuckle as he watches me fall apart in front of him. Every glance at his body sending painful memories through my head. Low whines leave my throat like they would a hurt dog, Alarik shakes me harder and harder. Begging me to snap out of my breakdown.

Begging.

I'm pushing Alarik from me, crawling a few feet with my head down as I begin pleading for my life—for pack members lives. For my mate's life. I'd done this so many times before. My self-respect is nowhere to be found as I continue begging.

"Eira, stop it—Eira! You have to calm down, I can't help you if you don't calm down." Alarik is hauling me into his arms, pressing my face into his neck without worry that I will sink my teeth into the tasty flesh. At this moment food wasn't even something I could think about. "Ivan, what is this?"

It's a pissed-off growl, and I realize quickly that my body is shielded from the monster that has me acting like an infant but when I dig my fingers into Alarik's shoulders I feel grounded. My sobs turning into small huffs as I try to pull myself together and not look towards the evil in the room.

"I can't say I am surprised to see your new mate, but I will say—you're a lucky one, my friend. I've known this little lady since before she was a vampire." The sound of his voice has me burying myself deeper into Alarik's chest, and the sound of my mate's heartbeat tells me he's becoming angrier.

I yearn to run, to hide away but all I can do is bury myself behind the big wall of muscle and heat and hope I cannot be reached.

"Who are you to her?" His beast is closer to the surface than I've ever seen, even when I'd threatened rejection and thrown my other lovers in his face, he'd never come this close to tearing through his skin.

"A lot of things, and yet nothing by the way she left me. Let's just say, you will not be inviting me back to your pack once you understand just how close I've been to her." I allow myself one look over the Lycan's shoulder, watching the fascination build in Ivan's eyes as he watches me be held against a wall of muscle and man. He finds this amusing. "When the little bitch can speak again, have her tell you about the innocence she lost at my hands—but don't let her pretend she didn't enjoy it."

I'm set on the ground gently, frozen in place as I watch Alarik throw one punch after another into the amused vampire who does not fight being dragged out the door. Alarik is on fire, claws out and teeth long as his beast begs to be set free. I'm left in darkness when he slings Ivan outside and follows suit, the sound of threats and roars all I can focus on for the next few minutes.

When Alarik comes through the door I don't move, even though I ache to throw myself into his arms and beg for some type of forgiveness—as if the trauma from my past had been my fault. Instead, I stay incredibly quiet and note his attempt to remain calm in front of me. I do not struggle when he takes me back into his arms and begins the walk upstairs, and eventually to our door.

"Give me an explanation, Eira." It is a gruff demand, one that I nod to as I set my head against his chest and listen to the heart trying to beat out of his chest. He settles onto the bed, keeping me against him while I come up with the words to feed his curiosity.

"Ivan is the one who changed me, against my will." The words hurt. "He murdered everyone I knew, my family, and then kept me locked up as a chew toy for his pleasure. When he thought he loved me, he changed me and once I gained better control of myself, I left the coven. I ran for a long time from that monster...yet he found me here."

Alarik does not speak, and I have run out of tears to cry or whimpers to give so we just sit there in silence and allow the weight of my words to fall around us. I had expected him to fight, to want more detail—to blame me for it all. My weakness put me in that position. Had I fought when they'd come into my home I would have been murdered along with the others, not forced into his arms and put through torture day after day?

Gently. I've moved away from the Lycan who'd been holding me so tightly, and he is on his feet moving towards the door. He doesn't leave, instead of beginning a very slow episode of pacing that confuses the hell out of me. Was he upset—pissed—disgusted? The thought hurt me.

"He talked about you, a lot. About the attack on your people, the white-haired goddess that got away and I remember us laughing about it—about how you'd come back eventually." I want to throw up, hearing him discuss his friendship with the man who had ruined his mate's life. Alarik will not meet my gaze. "I don't need to hear anything else, and unless you need to share something with me for your peace, I won't pry any further. Just know that he will never lay a hand on you again, the next time that monster steps on my property he will die."

It's spoken with conviction, and when he finally looks towards me familiar tears return. Alarik rushes forward, grabbing me and pulling me to the edge of the bed so that my legs are hanging off and I do not bother fighting as he kneels in front of me. My face is incased between those warm hands and for once I lean into his touch, welcoming the comfort.

"You have a very weak mate," I whisper, my voice breaking with embarrassment and my anger towards today's events. I'm holding back the sobs. My Lycan is shushing me, hands tightening as he moves his face to my neck and plants a soft kiss on the mark he'd put there. I moan and jump at the contact, my despair turning into something vastly different.

"You are my mate, a Viking, a vampire, and a badass. That word will never be one to describe you, and I never want to see you bow to someone who is below you in every way—do you understand me?"

Another kiss to the special spot I'd never wanted has me digging my fingers into his hair, pulling him closer as I try to answer him—but fail when his tongue moves across my skin. Oh, this is heaven. Or hell. No matter, I did not care as long as the feelings moving through me never vanished.

"Do you understand?" It is a low growl, pushed between those sensual lips that send more sounds of bliss from me. I'm nodding, eyes closing as he continues his actions and I think of all the ways he could take me. The different ways I would need him to until the burning in my stomach went away and my emptiness was filled with only him.

"I do, I understand—please don't stop." It's a desperate plea, and sure enough, he listens. With one swift move, Alarik has my head on the pillows while he moves his hands over my form and memorizes my skin with his mouth. A ragged groan leaves his chest when he picks up the scent of my arousal, the hardness between his legs begging me for relief. I wanted nothing more than to move down his body, taste every inch of his skin, and hear the sounds that he had been waiting to make only for me. When I finally gain the courage to move my hands lower, I am stopped, his erratic breathing the only sound between us as he tries to calm himself down.

Did he no longer want me? Was knowing his old friend had been here first ruined this for us?

"I won't take advantage of this situation, Eira." With that, he's flipping us over so that I am on top of him and my ear is right above the beating of his precious heart. The one that seems to sing my name. "When you touch me, it will be when we are both clear-headed and you weren't just traumatized."

Alarik presses a hard kiss into my forehead before grunting and closing his eyes. I don't fight him on the matter and instead, close my eyes—surprised by just how peaceful I feel in his arms.

---------------------

Ivan knocks right on my bedroom door when he decides to visit again, this time Alarik moves forward with the intention to kill but I grab at his arms to stop him. Would I ever find closure in something like this if I didn't handle it myself? I am not sure how he got into the house again or even remained on the territory after the situation we'd had yesterday. A certain woman with a murderous glare probably put him up for the night. Alarik looks at me with murder and worries swirling gin those silver eyes that I've, against my wishes, begun to adore.

"I know what that look means, and the last time I saw it you almost died—I won't leave you alone with him." Instead of getting irritated with his inability to let me fight my own battles, I take it as a compliment towards his need to protect me. I'm flattered by his ability to care about my health when I've yet to care for his.

"Go in the bathroom, shut the door and you will be only a few feet away but yesterday you told me I have to be strong and now I'm going to show you that I can be." Another knock on the door has his expression souring even further, but then I am pulling him towards me on the bed as I get onto my knees to be less uneven in height.

It's a tender kiss, one that I in my centuries of living have never experienced and the soft touch of his lips against mine has something inside of me opening up. His low groan meets my surprised one, and I pull away dazed by the action. Alarik stares at me for a long moment, his fingers brushing the side of my face as he memorizes every inch and I admittingly enjoy his attention.

"I'll dismember him if he so much as steps through that doorway, do you understand." I smile at my big Lycan and nod before pressing a kiss against his palm and pushing him towards the bathroom. His eyes don't leave me until the door is closed, and I had no doubt he was fuming in the little room I'd sentenced him to listen from.

"I am going to open the door now..." Ivan sings and I'm on my feet before the knob is even turned all the way. Unlike Alarik, this male took the breath from me in a more horrific way and I fight through the way my bones ache to freeze under his sickening gaze.

He is dressed to impress as he stands in front of me, looming over my form even while being a good distance away from my slightly shaking body. The look in his eyes tells me he enjoys seeing me like this, as small and weak—fearful. I do as the Alpha would do, straighten my spine and raise my chin as I have a stare-off with the monster who's haunted me for so long.

Why did he have to come back now?

Ivan thrives on chaos and pain, and the last thing I wanted for this pack was the waves of his fury crashing down on them. He'd use every vampire he'd ever met to destroy this pack if we pissed him off enough, and by the rigid movement of his limbs, I can tell he isn't pleased with us. How could someone be so attached to a woman he'd never really known? Why did I attract such a psychopath?

"No further than the door, is that my boundary little vampire?" His voice makes me sick, everything about him makes me want to vomit. I hold back the images of the things he'd done to me and continue with the stare down that I refused to lose.

"Say your peace, and pray that you can leave these pack lands before Alarik gets his hands on you." A dark brow raises at my statement, the corner of his mouth follows and it's almost as if my sudden growth of a backbone has impressed him. "You may want to hurry."

A laugh stumbles from his throat, head tilting back as he shrugs and moves to lean against the wood of our doorway. This time those eyes stick to me like glue and the humor in his eyes fades as he gets straight to the point.

"I still cannot believe you left me." I had not expected that revelation, and with a simple sentence I am immediately shown that Ivan isn't just a psychopath—he's delusional. The look of shock and horror on my face must tell him my thoughts. "I've spent so long looking for you, thinking that space would make you come back to me because surely you didn't want to leave forever? Everyone we change has an attachment to us, as we have one to them—isn't that right? So, what made you not want to come back?"

I almost gag on his false revelation of what he believes to be love. The pain in his eyes, the shake of his voice...my hands curl into fists and I can feel Alarik's malice radiating from the closed door.

"We would've ruled the world by now, Love." The grip he has on the doorway is hard enough to cause a sound to come from the walls. It's my turn to laugh, a sound so disgustingly vacant that I almost don't recognize it as my own. It only enrages the vampire standing before me.

"You are a lunatic." The admission feels great, settling into him and sending a hiss in my direction, one that I smile for. "All this time, I've been scared that you would hurt me for running because you did not want me to survive the hell you had put me through. Now I see how pathetic you are, what could have led you to believe killing my family and defiling me would lead to your happily ever after? What fairytale book have you been reading?"

I am riling up the demon in front of me, taking his heart and tearing it to shreds as he'd done to mine. The only difference? I didn't spend centuries chasing someone that never wanted me, and never would. Ivan wants to attack him, to put those cold hands on my skin once more and I was sure he could taste my blood in his mouth already.

"I loved you." My feet carry me forward, startling the crazy male, and reminding me that he is not someone I should fear. He does not deserve to see fear from a monster that he created, the only fury. Strength.

I crave to destroy him, to ruin his entire being as he'd done so many times to mine but I'm better than him.

"You tortured me, ruined me, destroyed me. That is not love! What you did to me was not love, it was a warped sense of ownership over someone who has never, and will never, want anything to do with you. You're lucky I don't have Alarik kill you." I'm less than a foot from him now, my eyes staring without hesitation into his as I slowly continue an approach. He's boiling. "He would do it for me, you know? Your best friend would kill you slowly, torture you as I would like him to, and in the end, he'd have the love of the woman you'd always wanted."

Ivan lunges towards me, fangs bared as he roars and does his best to tackle me to the ground. My instinct is to scream, to beg for mercy from the man I've feared for so long but instead I fight back. I push back against the male trying to hurt me, throwing one punch after another until it is he who is beneath me.

My weight holding him to the ground as I curse him, as I promise him death and begin beating his chest with closed fists. I want to go through him, have him disintegrate into the floor and disappear as I'd wanted my own body to do so many times before. Tears fill my eyes, but those don't stop me as he wails and pleads against my attack.

I would never be under him again.

The feeling of Alarik's skin against mine drags me out of my murderous fog, his hands under my arms pulling me off the male I want to kill. I want to rip him apart and destroy any semblance of self-he's ever known.

"I loved you!" He is screaming over and over, but I'm being pulled into the comfort of a male who would never hurt me—the one who wouldn't take advantage of my weakness. Even if it meant he gained more than he could ever wish for.

Alarik's marking me still resides in the back of my mind, but forgiveness had smothered the anger that came with it. I do not look towards the monster as he stands from the floor, instead, I push myself further into the Lycans embrace and take every bit of cover he gives me.

"Killing you will cause a war that my pack is not interested in having, Ivan but you know we won't lose if it comes to that. Now leave before I kill you and leave out for your friends to find."

The room goes silent for a few minutes, neither male making another move as I enjoy the warmth surrounding me. By now, I understood the vampire could do me no harm and I relished in that realization.

"This is not over, Eira." It's a promised whisper, one that has my skin crawling as I hear him make his way from our room and eventually the packhouse. We stand there for a long time, Alarik's arms around me as I just focus on the fact that my nightmares are over and the male, I've feared for so long can do nothing to harm me any longer.

Without explanation, Alarik lets go of my body and effectively cuts off the comfort he'd been supplying me with. Silver eyes have trouble holding mine as he takes steps backward, and I see he doesn't want me to follow. The warmth that had begun swimming in my chest freezes over, and I feel myself hardening towards the creature in front of me once more.

"What is it, Lycan?" I question him, wanting to hear whatever thoughts seem to be stuffing themselves into his head. Alarik is shaking, from anger or disgust I am unsure.

Had he not thought about this last night? Had he just thought his old friend had beaten me, tortured me, changed me? Did he now see it as Ivan having me first? Every bit of excitement I'd held towards what this would mean for our future is gone, swept away by his disgusted expression.

Alarik does not speak, giving me, no answers and I feel embarrassment rising through me and clouding my mind. My eyes beginning to water at what seems to be a rejection, one I'd threatened him with so many times before. Instead of continuing to be in his presence, I leave the room with a last look in his direction and make my way to Valda's room where I'm met with a hug and the offer of a shower.

I stand under the water and scrub at my skin, even though I'm full of anguish and despair...for the first time since my family's death, I feel clean of the demons that have followed me for so long. More at peace than I could have imagined.