Valda is relentless as she scrubs the dried blood from my skin, not bothering to show any signs of the gentle nature that must sit somewhere inside of her. Neither of us felt gentle at this moment, however. I felt like a bomb waiting to explode, a monster on a leash and ready to be set free. The tension between me and the woman I'm allowing to cleanse my sin-covered skin is thick and uncomfortable.

She'd seemed unsurprised when a dead human, a mutated vampire, and a seething Lycan had stood in front of her. The woman hadn't pretended to be unknowing of the possibility of change, and after an entire day spent in her presence it pissed me off. They should have warned me.

I go over the different situations leading up to this one, from the moment I got in the car to leave my home and everything after that. I'm bitter, so very bitter.

"Your sneer will only create wrinkles at this point, Luna." It is an amused whisper that does nothing to wipe the expression from my face, nor does it create a need to talk to the woman I no longer hold any trust for. A friend who is loyal to another, I'd been very stupid to assume she would be anything but considering I'd just met her.

Whoever was cleaning out our room, and hopefully the tooth-filled sink, would be almost as miserable as I am. It does not bring me any pleasure knowing I'd created a mess for someone else unless it had been Alarik of course but I'd watched him stomp outside and run from our problems. In a way, I felt this to be my fault, that if I was a little more loving and wanting towards the male perhaps things would've gone differently.

It didn't matter now, however.

My bra and underwear are soaked from the bath I've been given, my skin tingling from the force she'd put into every scrub. Was she trying to wash my resistance away? See if I'd begun to grow fur under this cloak of skin? Valda releases the water from the tub and pulls me to my feet, my robotic movements seem to please her as I'm sure she'd been ready for at least a small fight.

I am dried off carefully, her questions piling up as she waits for answers that I will never give. Her Alpha will tell her everything she needs to know. I will not.

"You can't stay mad forever, you know. We were told to keep our mouths shut, and when our Alpha tells us something like that we cannot disobey. Especially when it comes to his Luna." She's not longer soft with the way she speaks, instead, she's tired of her one-sided conversation. I give in.

"A friend would have at least warned me." I spit, refusing to meet her gaze. As she finishes drying me off and hands me a new pair of clothes to slip on, we stand there with the weight of our choices sitting between us.

"It's not something we decide to obey, it's a command from our Alpha. Even if I wanted to, I physically could not tell you." I take in the explanation, understanding dawning on me immediately as a remember the very well-known truth of the power Alphas has over their pack. I'm almost embarrassed for my hostility, almost. It still didn't change that this could have been prevented, in some form, or at least I could have been given a subtly wink for the love of all things.

"Alarik does not understand what his need for a bond is doing to me, or he truly does not care. I don't know if ignorance would be better or not in this case." I admit my thoughts to her, giving her a small line of understanding of how I am feeling.

She nods, tilting her head, and uncrosses her arms to show a more welcoming posture.

"This is your pack, Luna. Everyone here will accept you, whether you have crazy looking teeth or start growing a few extra heads—we are always here for you. The same thing goes for your mate, whether or not he does a good job of showing it he wants what is best for you and to him...he is the best. Your souls are incomplete without one another."

I bite my lip, allowing her to lead me from the bathroom and towards the bed in her room. Valda tucks me beneath the blankets, sitting beside me and running her hands through a few loose strands of my hair.

"Those won't be the last of your transformation." She whispers, my ears perk up as I wait for further explanation. Did she know what else would happen to me? What else would I endure? "You were a ticking time bomb and now that you've explored, we have our first answer. We certainly hadn't expected those teeth to come out, but once you and Alarik fully mate you will go through a full change. You will wear fur, walk on all fours, but until then there will be other things that change."

"Will I be some kind of freakish hybrid?" I question, allowing her to assume I've thought of possibly finishing the bond with the man who already stuck his teeth in my neck. The thought of allowing him to fully own me was a hard one, but my self-control around that man showed I'd be having a lot of trouble keeping him out of my pants.

"Hybrid isn't a bad way to put it, but a freak? No. We've heard of something similar but have never seen it in person, as all of the others we've heard about didn't make it through the transformation. You should be fine, though. You're much stronger." The woman smiles as though I hadn't just been told this could kill me. What a way to give me confidence in finishing the bond I already don't want.

I think over the words I want to give her, the truth that'll turn the now positive situation sour. Honesty was always a good policy, and for someone who'd been decently honest with me, I'd like to give her the same treatment. She is watching me as I decide on ruining her day or allowing her to have some false sense of hope of how the rest of our eternal lives will go.

"I plan on breaking our bond and leaving." As expected, the female Lycan is thrown into a world of anger when I admit my thoughts. I feel nothing for her reaction, as I may enjoy the woman but her inability to see how fucked up this situation is for me gives me less need to pity her. She would be losing a mother figure in some ways, but one who didn't want the role.

I had the right to decide my future, to deny a destiny set by someone I have no respect for. I owed nothing to the Lycans in this pack, and I was entitled to at least my sanity. Which I would never have in a place like this.

"How can you say that? You've been given to our Alpha for a reason, our—why even come here and give us all hope? Why give that man hope if you knew you'd never stay with him?" At this point, I'm sure the entire packhouse, and most of the mountain can hear her yelling her displeasure in my face. So much for treating her Luna with respect.

The answers she so desperately waits for do not come, as I don't have them. There is nothing I can say to take whatever pain she feels away because this a decision I am making for myself and I doubt she could ever understand that. For a woman who was alive in the same time as me, to have seen the strength women had and the choices they made for everyone back them it was strange to see her so hell-bent on controlling me.

I know Valda feels betrayed, if only knowing me for a few hours felt the same for her as it did me, I could understand it entirely. But her loyalty to the Alpha and the thought of my role in her pack would always set us apart. I was okay if she never understood why I chose myself. I understood that in some way I did have a duty to these beasts, but it wasn't something I wanted.

The bond was forced on me, and I wouldn't spend eternity with people for their comfort and happiness. This pack had been perfectly fine before me, and I had no doubts that a male like Alarik could find another woman. One that wanted him.

"You were promised to us." At that my attitude changes from understanding to angry, and I'm pushing her from the bed as I get to my feet. Our height difference has me looking like a toddler standing up to her mother, but I don't care as I seethe in front of her. Valda doesn't back down, and something inside of me hates that.

This woman does get to look down on me.

"Whoever promised me to you, Valda, they don't matter. I have had one piece after another of my life ripped away, taken from my hands, and told that is just how life is. My family, my innocence, and my humanity has been destroyed at the hands of someone else putting what they want above all else." I push her, the hateful look on her face falters as I keep our proximity close. "To you, I may seem like some self-pitying fool who is passing up on the destiny I've always meant for or the chance of love. What you will never understand is I am tired. Tired of being looked at by creatures like you who think I owe you something simply because your Alpha thinks I'm better off in his bed than anyone else's.

As a human, my choices were respected. I decided what happened in my own life, and who was in it. I never had to give up everything for the sake of a pack I don't know or an Alpha that treats me like his possession. I may hurt that male's heart, but he's destroyed the mate he's attempted to love. If being with him will always feel like this, like I'm a prisoner in a pretty cage—then I will do anything to get away."

I can see Valda trying to rationalize her thoughts because not a word I just yelled in her face mattered. She's not going to take any of it into consideration. She disappoints me.

"After centuries of looking, he found you ruined. You can't expect him—" When my palm meets her face she stumbles backward and fall straight on her ass, I approach with my teeth bared. It was a bitch move, but she'd deserved it. In my coven, I would kill someone for uttering such words to another person.

"Fuck you, Valda." I watch her struggle for words, the once fierce warrior paralyzed beneath the woman she was born to look up to. I feel my own eyes water at her words, for her attempt at making me feel guilty for the life I'd lived as if I could have been prepared for a mate. "How dare you say something like that to me."

When she goes to stand, I expect her to lunge, to attack me, and hurt me in all the ways that must be running through her head. Instead, I received her head bending forward and then to the side, bending the knee as a show of respect in front of me.

I want to kick that leg from beneath her, snap her neck and show her just how helpless it is to feel when you are in the hands of someone who's choosing to enforce their will upon you.

"I hope you find your peace, Luna." Her tone is hard, matching that of her Alphas when he's is saying words that are not fully believed in. She gasps as I walk past her, her ass hitting this floor one again as I make my way out of her room.

------------------------

I put off the training session for a few days, uninterested in being anywhere close to the woman who managed to piss me off. Perhaps it was a little petty, and I knew I'd have to face the music sooner or later but I needed a few days to lay out my thoughts and decide on what I'd do about the situation. In my head, I knew she was defending the man she'd sworn her eternal loyalty to, the Alpha that has always been there and preached a tradition that I would never entirely understand myself.

As I shove one forkful of cake after another into my greedy mouth I try to come up with a plan, or at least a formally thought out opinion. Did I owe the Lycan an apology? I shake that thought away, knowing my pride would never be capable of spewing the words to the woman. I'm holding back sounds of pleasure with each bite; my sense having been heightened since the...incident. My smell was much better, along with my sight and how sensitive my skin is. The slightest brush of Alarik's fingertips across my skin this morning had almost sent me to my knees, I'd ran like a coward after that and decided to find food.

The kind that had no nutritional value to my body but feeds the old human ways I still seem to carry with me.

The past few days had allowed me to view not only a change in myself but also the male who I was trying so hard to stay away from. Physically he was getting bigger, it seemed every day those thick thighs stretched out his coverings more. Bulging biceps begging for my hands and lips to trail over with every movement—a fucking masterpiece of a man. My man. The one made just for me, that I spent so much energy on ignoring. Yet, most of my time away from Alarik was spent with me thinking about him.

He was kinder than I thought but strict in a way that sends heat to my core every time I heard that thunderous growl while watching him train. There was nothing less than impressive about his being, the way he spoke to pack members with respect but made the kneel at his feet in worship.

A god in a Lycans skin.

Since our incident, however, he'd been acting strange—either that or he has always been an irritable man. Snapping at Asger more often, staring at me from where he may be and demanding perfection in the drills, he puts the men and women through. In a way I loved that my simple rejection of giving him attention sent him into a rage, making it seem as though he couldn't handle being without me. I didn't need to question in, as his actions speak louder than the words he won't say, but he thought about me as much as I did him.

"You seem so glum for someone eating cake." Russ gives me a look before sitting down in front of me, I finish chewing my bite of heaven with my new teeth before shrugging. He waits for a bit, seeing if I have a retort but I just scoop the crumbs from my life and continue staring.

"Have you been giving all of the Lycans that death stare, or am I special? Alpha will be upset if he knows you aren't trying to get along with your new pack, especially after he—" I let out a laugh, even though nothing he was saying amused me.

"Your creatures have a staring problem, and unless I lay a hand on one of them Alarik has nothing to punish me for. They look at me as though I've come in to kill them all or ruin their lives, but they don't seem to understand I don't want to be here." Russ raises a brow at me, and the now quiet room tells me he isn't the only one who has heard me. He glares at anyone stupid enough to look in our direction, but I don't bother letting them know I'm aware of their presence.

"Starting a war within our pack won't win you many brownie points, Luna. Do you not remember hearing you catch more flies with honey?" I scoff, standing to finally get a good look at the Lycans around me. My eyes stopping on the female who has decided to hold my stare as if I wouldn't rip her throat out with these new teeth I've been forced to live with.

Instead of jumping across the room and destroying the woman for her obvious show of disrespect, I begin my walk to the door where every eye seems to follow. Russ is on my heel. He doesn't speak as I move towards the sound of fighting, the cursing of a male-only drowned out by the loud laugh of a familiar female. Valda was kicking someone's ass, and I'd been eating cake instead of witnessing it.

I was still angry at the woman, the urge to teach her a lesson stronger than I wanted it to be—I wanted a friend here. But I understood her loyalty for me would only go so far, and that hurt. Leslie would have told me; she would've made sure I didn't suffer for the actions of another without at least knowing they were coming in the first place.

I'd never been very good at forgiving others, but maybe now was a good time to start. Otherwise, I'd be stuck with only Alarik to speak to—and that wasn't a pleasant thing to imagine.

When I lay eyes on the white circle incasing one female and one male I fight to hide my proud smile, the one meant to show the Viking that her success in the ring was something I admired. I'd beat her, and then show her my mercy. My forgiveness. When her eyes meet mine there is a flare of regret before she throws the male, she'd been holding by the throat clean out of the lines surrounding her. She'd ended that fight and would begin another. That's how we used to do it, no rest.

You wouldn't have a second to breathe in an actual battle. I didn't have any time to think when my home had been invaded when the vampires had torn apart my family and stole me away. I shake away the sad thoughts, only wanting to focus on the fight ahead of me.

"Are you the only female who enjoys fighting males?" I question her, her heavy breathing hesitating for a second as she looks around us. The women seem to be grouped on one side, while the males are on the other. Some stand watching, but none of them fight someone of the opposite sex and that has made me angry in a different way.

"Is that something you would like to change, Luna?" Her question is not taunting, instead, it's an opinion that she seems to crave to hear from my lips. I nod and turn away from the woman for just a moment.

"Listen up!" I yelled, catching the attention of anyone within eyesight. They all stop what they are doing and give me their ears. "Everyone will watch me fight your Lycans, and then I want the females and males to mix—you will fight one another no matter what sex you are. Is that understood?"

There is a collection of Yes Luna! And I note that most of the females have brightened at the news, the males don't look distraught either. Had they never been permitted to mix? My smile is small, but I nod at them before turning back to the female I wanted to destroy for the sake of my sanity.

"You have a look in your eyes today." Valda grins, nudging me with her elbow and letting out a soft laugh. I scoff.

"And what look is that. Lycan?" Her feet move her back into the ring, never losing eye contact while she motions for me to join her.

"Like you're thinking about running the fucking show, Vampire." I'm laughing, her banter bringing me out of the sour mood I'd been in with her for the past few days. She seems relieved at my show of peace.

I look around the ring, searching for the Lycan I had intended on joining us today but am stuck on the female from earlier. The one with a stare that I could easily fix, but instead I show my teeth much like her kind would do. Those silver eyes narrow, unhappy with my show of dominance. Her sneer seems to be permanently etched onto her beautiful face—what a gorgeous creature she would be if her hatred was only a little smaller. I'm about to begin my approach when Valda steps between us, breaking my sight of the woman.

"Mirinda, do you have an issue that our Alpha needs to hear about? Or maybe your problem can be fixed in the ring, with your Luna?" Her words are spoken in an even tone, holding back any anger she may feel as she shows the female who is to not be messed with. Now I understand fully why they wanted her around me.