❝to the woman who loved me at my worst, to the woman who held me at my first heartbeat, to the woman who witnessed my first cry, to the woman who knew the adult in me had become a lost child, to the one woman who knew me before anyone in my time.❞

☾︎ d e a r m a,

last night with your hand on my head, my heart felt like it had never been caressed before and i knew in that moment, you are the one person i am terrified of letting go.

last night you were reading urdu poetries to me because i felt as if i was a strayed soul, a person that life wouldn't wait for, and the way your favorite language flowed from your lips made me sure that it would always echo through my mind, like an escape i can always find, something i will forever remember you by.

last night you told me that you cared, showed me that i hadn't been spared of all the affection you could shower on me and if luck was actually true, i think it was by my side that time, and my heart breaks thinking i might've ever thought otherwise.

last night i was shivering because it was cold and i was scared, of the life that stands over my head, of the threat that i will make decisions that i'll regret, but you so easily said that it will all be alright, and with the way you believed in me, i think it really might.

last night forgotten tears found their way to my eyes, i was so relieved that it was dark and you couldn't see my silent crying, but i think you knew it anyways, because i've always been the one to hide my face in my pillow case at night, and i think all these years you've known that habit of mine— because i've got it from you.

and dear ma, if only you knew, how i can never even think of living without you, how terrified the thought of losing you makes me, the kind of sorrow i don't think i have the heart to feel, just the thought makes it a little harder to breathe.