I felt like death, and I know for a fact I looked like it too. Slowly coming down the stairs, I only saw Mary at the table, throwing her utensils around like usual. Mrs. Clarissa was at the counter, humming as she made breakfast, that stupid black cat stared at me with an unwavering gaze. I faltered on the stairs, surprised to see Twelve suddenly show up again. She stared back at me, sitting right next to Mrs. Clarissa on the counter, who of course had no idea that she was there.

Trudging forward, I just chose to ignore Twelve as I sat down, slouching a bit in the wooden chair.

"Good morning, Ivan," she said as she set my plate down in front of me. I stared at the food, fruit and scrambled eggs, feeling hungry but barely having the energy to eat. The voices were non-stop last night, I couldn't have slept more than two hours total. They've been especially loud this morning, and the exhaustion was hitting me hard.

"Where's Benji?" I asked, looking up at her. Her thin red lips frowned slightly, focusing back on pouring her coffee.

"He's having a difficult time right now, just feeling really down."

"Oh. . ." I mumbled, moving my food around, taking a few bites of the fruit.

"I'll be right back. I'm just going to bring Benji his food. Could you watch Mary, please?"

I nodded, and Mrs. Clarissa thanked me in relief as she rushed upstairs to attend to Benji. He wasn't handling Mrs. Clarissa's diagnosis too well. Frankly, I wasn't sure if I was either, having spent too much time last night crying, frustrated with the unfairness of life.

Once I finished off my plate, I stood to put it in the sink, fully expecting Twelve to still be sitting there, staring at me with her dark, beady eyes. She was gone though, and I felt like I could breathe a little easier. She was one of my oldest recurring hallucinations, but still managed to scare me shitless. She was like a vulture, a symbol of death, bad omens, and plenty of misfortune to come.

Looking at my phone, I saw that it was close to seven, so Ethan was going to be here any second. I moved to the front door to pull on my shoes and backpack, waiting impatiently for Mrs. Clarissa to come back down so I could go. It wasn't like I could leave Mary by herself.

"Sorry! Sorry! Remember to stop by here before going over to Ethan's tonight. Have a good day Ivan!" Mrs. Clarissa appeared not much later, doing that slow descent down the stairs she always did now. I couldn't bear watch her anymore, so I simply said my goodbye and left quickly, striding over to Ethan's car and throwing myself into the passenger seat.

Why did you get in the car?

You shouldn't have done that.

You are so stupid.

Can't do anything right, can't listen.

Always a burden.

"Ivan!" A hand grabbed my shoulder, and I jumped at the new voice. Whipping my head to the left, I saw a disturbed look wash over Ethan's face, his eyebrows knitting together as his lips parted in worry.

"Baby. . . you don't look good at all," he frowned, brushing his thumb over the dark circles under my eyes.

I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my legs and putting my hands over my face as the voices kept talking. "I didn't sleep last night. Benji's not doing well. I- I can't do anything," I breathed heavily. Ethan rubbed my back soothingly.

"I'm glad you're coming over tonight. I think you need a break from all of this."

"Yeah," I whispered, straightening up to put on my seatbelt, squinting my eyes against the bright sun. I felt the car rumble to a start, and we left for school. My leg bounced anxiously, and I kept my eyes glued to the woods. I knew they were out there. I could feel their eyes on me everywhere I went.

Ethan parked and we walked across the parking lot to the school entrance, the front doors were propped open to let students flood in. Mr. Hannighan stood outside the front office to greet arriving students, giving out cheery waves and fist bumps. He eventually looked at Ethan and I as we approached.

"Good morning Ethan," he said in a bright tone, only receiving a terse nod from my boyfriend.

"And good morning, Ivan," he said in a darker tone, his beaked nose appeared bigger and more hooked than ever before, his grin suddenly growing wider and more sinister. He looked like a more demented version of the Cheshire Cat. I stared at him with a pounding heart, choosing to simply push forward and break our gaze. I didn't like the way he seemed to be able to see through me, like he knew everything about me from a simple gaze.

"Have a good day, okay? I'll see you at lunch," Ethan smiled as we stopped on the side of the hallway next to my first period class. I nodded, giving him a quick smile as he squeezed my hand, before walking off down the hall.

They know you're here.

They can see you.

They can hear you.

What do you think you're doing?

Bursting through the door to my class, I rushed over to my chair and started pulling out my class materials haphazardly. Vera showed up a couple minutes later, making a face at the desk and sitting down slowly. Pursing her lips, she gently moved my notebook back onto my desk, picking up all the pens and the eraser that also somehow ended up over there, placing them in a neat pile next to my hand.

"Well you seem a little. . . chaotic today," she said as she dug through her bag. The teacher began her lesson, and I couldn't comprehend anything she was saying. Everything felt so uncomfortable; I was hyper aware of the hard plastic chair, the scratching of pencils throughout the classroom, how big Dale's head really was. My pencil was poised above my notebook to write, but the words were out of her mouth and gone from my head in the span of a second. I couldn't even keep up.

"You've got a really bad tremor in your hand," Vera whispered to me. I looked down at my notebook, my right hand holding my pencil was shaking, today's date I had written on my paper was jagged and uneven. That was all I had written this entire time. You'd think I just snorted a line of coke before coming to class. I set my pencil down and pulled my hands into my lap, clasping them together. This class was already a failure.

As I was heading to lunch, Chloe had intercepted me before I entered the lunch room, grabbing my arm harshly and pulling me off to an empty hallway leading to the choir room.

"Chloe, you scared the shit out of me," I snapped, gripping the straps of my backpack.

"Well I could say the same about you. Are you good? You've really started to spiral this week. I know the others have no idea why but I already do, so if you need to talk to me about it, I'm here," she looked up at me with her baby blue doe eyes, giving me a pleading look. I didn't meet her gaze, instead choosing to shift from foot to foot and glancing nervously down the hallway.

"Have you been hallucinating?" She demanded almost accusingly.

I laughed bitterly. "When haven't I been?"

She gave me a pitied look. "I'm so sorry, Ivan. Is there anything I can do? Maybe you should go see the nurse, or the school psychologist-"

"No. This shit happens, I- I'm dealing with it."

"Ivan, come on," she shook her head. "This is really worrisome."

"We're missing lunch," I shot back tersely.

I turned and strode down the hallway, leaving Chloe to lightly jog behind me. I avoided everyone else's looks at the table, especially Chloe's flustered face as she sat down and continued to watch me throughout lunch. I picked at my apple in agitation, noticing some glances Vera was giving me every now and again. Did I seriously look that unhinged?

I just knew everyone was staring at me, judging every move I made, every odd mannerism I had. As soon as the bell went off, I shot out of there like I was being chased and rushed off to the locker rooms. At first I thought I had left Ethan in the dust, but when I got to my locker, I felt a presence next to me. Suddenly my forearm was grabbed and I was turned around to face Ethan sitting on the wooden bench in front of me. He moved to grab both of my hands, and just one look from him seemed to placate me a little.

"Ivan, I need you to breathe. I feel like you're one step away from completely losing your shit," he frowned.

"Yeah, yeah I kind of am," I nodded frantically, squeezing my eyes shut and trying to inhale deeply.

"We're almost done with the day, okay? Then we'll go back to my place and we'll do whatever you want. It'll be quiet and we're just going to relax, but I need you to hang in there. Can you do that for me?" He said sternly, staring into my eyes and squeezing my hands for emphasis. I took a couple shaky breaths, and I know Ethan could feel my hands trembling in his.

"You're doing great. You can do it," he smiled, getting up to go change. The pep talk didn't help at all, but I appreciated the effort. Ethan was right, I just had to get through the day and then I'll be safe. They won't be able to hurt me.

~

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