I felt like a bucket of ice water had just been dumped on my head. I stared at her with my jaw slack, shaking my head quickly.

"They- they can help y-you, right? Aren't you going to go through treatment? You c-can get better, can't you?" I choked, my breath rapid.

"No, sweetheart. It's in my brain, and. . . it's not likely they can cure it. Radiation and chemotherapy will only slow it down and buy me some time. I'm not interested in doing any aggressive treatments either," she looked at me sadly, reaching out to touch me, only I had ripped myself out of my chair to pace around the kitchen.

"Why not? Why are you doing this mom!" I screamed, grabbing the front of my hair. I was so worried about myself, and they got to my mom instead. Then they'll come after me, and they'll come after Benji, and Mary, and Ethan-

"Ivan, Ivan, I know you're upset honey but you've got to calm down. Come sit," she stood on wobbly feet, but decided to stick by the table where she had something to lean on for support. I looked at her, really looked at her, and it was now so painfully obvious that she was slowly dying. It wasn't fair.

"I don't want to sit! I don't understand!" I yelled.

"Sweetie, my prognosis wasn't good from the start. Even with frequent treatments, it isn't guaranteed to get rid of it for good, and all it would do is drain my money. I want to make sure you kids have something to inherit. I've put you in my will," she breathed, quickly wiping the tears streaming down her cheeks.

She's leaving you.

They've always wanted to leave you.

You're so stupid.

I'm coming to get you.

"What's going to happen to us? Mary, Benji, me? You're leaving us all behind!" I sobbed, and that goddamn cat was stalking across the counter again.

"A close friend of mine and colleague of Tom agreed to take them in. I know how much you've been worrying about affording that apartment with Ethan, and the money I have now will be enough for that. For college," she gave me a watery smile.

"Oh God, oh God, oh God," I muttered, furiously rubbing my hands over my face. Never in my life, have I felt so helpless. I was drowning, gasping for air, and it all happened so fast. He'll be here any moment now, and then I'll be truly fucked. There's no escaping if he catches me.

"I know this is a lot, and it's okay to feel this way."

Dropping my hands to my sides, my shoulders rolled forward as everything in my head seemed to shut down. I couldn't do anything but stand in the middle of the kitchen and listen to the voices talking loudly in my ear- I could hardly think straight.

"It's going to be alright," she sniffed, moving forward to rest a shaky arm on my shoulder. "Promise me something. Ivan, look at me," she demanded, trying to meet my lowered gaze. I slowly drew my eyes up to meet her dull brown ones, her thin eyebrows furrowed, tears still flowing freely down her cheeks.

"I- I need to be alone," I sniffed, rubbing roughly at my eye.

Mrs. Clarissa nodded. "If you need to talk more about this, please find me. I don't want you dealing with this alone."

"Okay," I whispered, turning around and heading up the stairs. How could so much fall apart in such a short amount of time?

When I reached my bedroom, I entered quickly and slammed the door behind me, sliding down until I could bury my face in my knees as sobs ripped through me. I could already feel the headache coming on as I gripped my hair and tried to muffle my screams in my sleeve. I just wanted to sleep, to not be conscious and feel this agonizing pain anymore.

Pulling my sore body up off the floor, I shuffled to my bed and threw myself down, not even bothering to get under the covers. I spent so much energy crying that sleep had no trouble finding me, unlike it did most nights as of late. It wasn't a peaceful rest however, instead fitful and filled with nightmares.

I slept until late evening, where I was awoken by my shoulder being shaken, a boney, almost skeleton looking hand gripping my shoulder.

"Ivan, honey, I've got your meds for you. Can you take them for me real quick? Then you can go right back to sleep." I stared up at Mrs. Clarissa, her left hand extended towards me, a little white pill and blue pill sitting in her palm.

Poison.

That's poison.

It'll kill you.

Don't take it.

I wasn't going to die like Mrs. Clarissa, not by being poisoned by these evil pills she handled so carelessly. I nodded, taking them from her hand and plopping them into my mouth, subtly pushing them up into my gums with my tongue. Mrs. Clarissa smiled, oblivious to the demanding voices.

"Thank you, love. Here's some water," she offered a small glass to me, our fingertips touching as I accepted it from her. Little sips was the key, as long as I didn't accidentally swallow and ingest those pills. I made eye contact with her as I drank, two sips, a swallow, and a smile. Satisfied, she turned and left the room, gently closing the door behind her. After waiting a moment, I got up and headed to the bathroom, closing the door behind me so I could spit the pills into the toilet. I pushed down on the plunger, watching as they were sucked down, never to be seen again. I did good. I did what they told me to.

~

The next morning I was still tired, and doing anything was an uphill battle, but I felt good knowing that my body could finally heal from the drugs.

Mrs. Clarissa even looked a lot more vibrant than she did yesterday, as she hummed and cut up some fruit for us. Benji sat at the table, refusing to eat, just staring at the wood and checking out from the world. Mary didn't seem at all bothered as she picked at her food, I was almost glad that she couldn't truly understand the pain that Benji and I were feeling.

"Hey, Benji," I whispered, sitting next to him. He didn't say anything, just got up and went back upstairs with a lowered head. Mrs. Clarissa looked at him sadly, her shoulders dropping.

"I told them last night. I understand there is a lot of hurt and emotions to work through, so I'm letting them stay here with me for today, where they feel comfortable. You can stay too, Ivan, if you wish."

I took a deep breath, chewing on my lip. "I- I think I want to go to school. I just want to feel some sense of how things used to be."

Mrs. Clarissa nodded, smiling encouragingly at me. "I think you're really brave for doing that. I'm so proud of you."

I knew I was going to do poorly in school today, but I really didn't care. The woman who raised me was dying, so nothing really mattered anymore.

"If things get to be too much, let me know so I can pick you up. Do you have your phone?" She asked, putting some eggs and sausage in front of me. Frowning, I realized I had forgotten it upstairs, thrown somewhere on the floor. I had much bigger problems than keeping track of that thing. I just nodded, picking at my breakfast. I had no real appetite, but I tried to choke it down anyway.

"Alright, I think Ethan's here. Do you have everything?" Mrs. Clarissa rubbed her hands together nervously, standing behind me as I pulled my shoes on. Grabbing my backpack, I slung it over my shoulders as I opened the door.

"Yeah," I said softly, closing the door behind me. I knew she wanted to fuss over all of us, to protect us from all the emotional turmoil we were suffering from; but nothing she could do would stop this pain.

I felt like I was in a trance as I walked down the porch steps and slid into the black Chevy, probably still in shock from the news. I stared out onto the road in front of us, waiting for Ethan to move, but he never did. Furrowing my eyebrows, I looked at him to figure out what the hold up was, and his body was turned completely facing me, elbow resting on the steering wheel.

"Did you get any of my calls? Texts?" He asked, a hint of irritation in his voice. I looked away from him to stare out the windshield again, sliding down in my seat a bit.

"I don't know, Ethan. I took a nap and my phone was on the floor somewhere," I said softly.

He sighed in frustration, rubbing his hands over his face. "Let's not do this, Ivan. Can't you let me in? Would it really kill you to open up? We've come so far and yet you still never tell me what's bothering-"

"Mrs. Clarissa has brain cancer. She's going to die," I mutter, watching a crow bounce out into the middle of the road to peck at something. Ethan was dead silent. "We're going to be late if we don't leave," I inform, looking over at him again. He had a shocked expression on his face, the arm resting on the wheel slowly sliding down to his side, eyes widened and mouth open in bewilderment.

"Christ, Ivan, I- are you okay?" He whispered.

"No, I'm not. And I'd really like to get to school so I can distract myself," I replied in a strained voice.

He nodded, but stared at me with concern, searching my figure as though he was trying to figure me out. After all these months, I was still a fascinating puzzle to him. Without another word, Ethan started the car, and we left for school.

~

Get ready everyone, this is going to be one hell of a ride. To help get my story more exposure, consider leaving a vote! I am so appreciative of everyone who supports my book :)