"Vera, this is a bad idea" I hissed. My blood pressure was on an exponential rise, and I was pretty sure I was close to throwing up.

"Relax, Ivan. You'll be fine. Stay close to me and for the love of God don't consume anything. I don't care what form it's in or who is giving it to you," Vera spoke over her shoulder to me as she strode up to the house moments away from vibrating right off of its foundation. Some teenagers were strewn around the front lawn, litter scattered around their feet of red solo cups and empty beer cans. The entire house was illuminated, silhouettes of people dancing back in forth in front of the windows, perfectly visible against the dark night sky.

"Can't we just play Monopoly? Jenga? I don't know- anything other than this!" I protested, jogging a bit to catch up with Vera, who now had her hand on the front door.

She sighed, cocking her head to the side. "Ivan, I think this will be good for you in a way. You seemed perfectly fine with the idea back at the house, but I'm not going to force you to do anything you don't want to. Since we walked all the way here, shouldn't you at least give it a shot?"

I let out a defeated sigh. This is what teenagers did, right? They go out and party and make bad decisions at three in the morning. This is where the culture is at. I had a pair of perfectly good legs I could always bolt the second things got too dangerous.

"I am going to go through her shit though," Vera added shortly.

"Vera!"

I should have known there was an ulterior motive behind going to this party. After all, this was the party of the same girl who played the lead role in Vera's violent fantasies earlier on in the night. I began to protest to Vera once again, but she was done discussing it. Vera had barged through the front door and plunged into the mass of sweaty bodies. I cringed, and went in after her anyway.

This girl had a nice house. It was large, and looked like it was impeccably clean before this party had happened. I winced seeing my dirty shoes on the white carpet, just a few steps away from a puddle of spilled beer. Vera immediately made a break for Chloe's room, and I saw her shove past a couple making out by the stair landing, before ascending the stairs and disappearing down the upstairs hallway. I assumed this was my signal to stay down here and keep watch. Rubbing my arm nervously, I lingered near the wall by the kitchen, watching as some girl was laying on the kitchen counter as another guy poured some kind of liquor on her stomach and proceeded to lick it off as the people around them cheered. Vera really needed to hurry, my skin was starting to crawl.

Eventually, I decided it was a better idea to stare down at the floor instead of looking around, in hopes that I could ward off my panic better if I wasn't being bombarded with the reality that I was actually at a high school party. My plan was working fairly well too, that is, before another pair of shoes encroached into my line of sight.

"Hey, wallflower. Start partying or stop taking up space in the house," the voice huffed in irritation.

Startled, I looked up to see a guy in front of me with his arms crossed. His eyes looked bored, if not a little unfocused due to the alcohol he was undoubtedly consuming just moments prior.

"O-oh uh- Sorry. I'm just- waiting for a friend." I knew my voice was shaking with nerves, wide eyes screaming scared and vulnerable.

"Here dude, on the house. You look like you're gonna shit yourself," the guy chuckled and extended his hand towards me. He was holding a red solo cup filled with a clear liquid, pushing it towards me in offering. I took the cup from his hand, mumbling a pathetic 'thank you'. I had no intention of drinking it, Vera's previous words were ringing through my head; I figured that by taking the drink the guy would finally leave me alone- only, he didn't.

"It's vodka. Have you ever heard of Vod-ka? How about al-co-hol?" He snickered.

The guy was obviously chastising me, saying the words slowly like I was some child who had never heard of them before. My hand crumpled up the cup a bit in anger, my mind shrouded in rage as I scowled and knocked back the liquid. It burned as it went down my throat, causing me to sputter and hunch over. I could hear the guy looming over me, clapping and yelling.

"Way to show me up little dude!" He continued to boom with laughter and ruffled my hair, despite the fact that I was close to chucking my gut onto his shoes. I rushed through the kitchen and out the back door to the backyard, the cold night air smacking me straight in the face, which felt incredibly good on my burning skin. Bracing myself against the side of the house, I threw up all of the liquor and my shame behind some bush in the middle of the night at some girl's house that I didn't even know. Well, only by name that is. My knees buckled and I ended up on my hands and knees in the dirt, tremors racking through my body as I finished violently puking. I knew I had royally screwed up. There was no way I had completely digested the medication I had taken earlier, and it was more likely than not my antipsychotics were swimming around in the puddle of vomit on the ground rather than in my brain. Not good Ivan. Not good.

With hair hanging in my eyes, my body was shaking and I was extremely hot, despite how bloody cold it was outside. The situation was anything but ideal, and of course it just had to get even worse.

"Jesus Christ Ivan!" I heard a voice behind me exclaim, and knowing damn well who that voice belonged to, I just wanted to collapse and fall asleep forever in embarrassment. Ethan had come up behind me, lifting me up under my arms and setting me back against the side of the house. My eyes were closed, and I knew I was panting like a dog in heat, but I didn't think it was possible to be any more mortified than I was already. "Go get him some water," I heard him demand someone else, their footsteps against the soft dirt quickly vanishing as they retreated. I felt a pair of hands settle on my flushed cheeks, which was oddly comforting.

"Ivan if you don't open your eyes right now I'm going to really freak out and take you to the hospital," Ethan rushed out, patting my cheek gently.

I groaned deep in my throat, but it was a potent threat, and caused me to eventually pry open my eyes. Ethan was kneeling in front of me, blocking me from the view of any onlookers, hunched over my body protectively. His thick eyebrows were furrowed in concern and concentration, his bright green eyes glistening with sobriety. "Thank God," he huffed, his body relaxing a little as his alarm slowly dissipated.

"I'm an idiot, Ethan," I mumbled, not knowing what else to say but to state the obvious.

"No, Ivy. You're not. What did you take?"

"Just vodka."

"Just vodka?"

I sighed, leaning back further into the house, my limbs felt like rubber and I craved Ethan's touch. More than just the hand that was holding up my head, but for his arm to wrap around my body and comfort me as well. The horror and shame I felt for what I had done crashed down onto me like a suffocating wave. It was a feeling I could only describe as the same feeling a vegetarian who had unknowingly ate meat would feel. Or someone shooting the dark figure entering their home, only to find out it was a family member. Yeah- that feeling.

"Here, Ethan," someone else spoke from behind my worried friend, and I quickly recognized the voice as Vera's. He thanked her and carefully brought the glass to my lips, tipping it forward little by little in order for me to gingerly sip at the liquid. "How'd you guys get here?"

"We walked," Vera replied.

"Walked?"

"I live just down the street. There's no parking in a two mile radius from here."

"I'll drive you guys back. Ivan shouldn't be walking."

I pushed back on Ethan's hand, letting him know I was done with the water. Feeling a bit more coherent, I pushed myself up and stumbled to my feet. Both Ethan and Vera had their arms on me, waiting for me to tip over. I waved them off and pulled the hood of my sweatshirt over my head, crossing my arms at the sudden chill in the air. Ethan quickly got my intentions, taking the lead and showing us the way to his car.

We went around the house, going through the yard gate at the side to avoid as many people as possible. His car was one of the few parked right in front of the house, indicating Ethan was of high status at this party. I let out a breath, Ethan's popularity only riled up my insecurities, viciously rearing inside of my head, tearing my thoughts apart. Ethan opened the passenger door and gripped my arm to help me in, Vera sliding into the backseat. I slouched in my seat, looking out the window at all of the teenagers still stumbling around the yard like cracked-out zombies. Ethan got into the driver's seat and started the car, making sure to crank up the heat before entering onto the road. Vera gave Ethan directions to her house, and even offered him to stay for a bit since her parents were gone. I turned around in my seat to glare at her in the back as she simply wiggled her brows at me.

~

"Need something to drink Ethan? Water? Soda? Beer?" Vera chuckled, rummaging through her refrigerator as Ethan fussed around me. He gave her an absent minded 'no thanks' before again asking me if I felt nauseous.

"Ethan. I'm fine. I told you, I took a shot to get this guy to be quiet, and I just ended up getting sick because of it," I explained tiredly.

"Ivan. You were violently puking. I saw, and heard you from the patio."

I covered my face, feeling my cheeks begin to burn. I was laying across the couch, wrapped in a blanket, two pillows stacked behind my head, a glass of water on the table, and an overly concerned hot guy up in my face- all of the above Ethan's doing. "It couldn't have just been Vodka. What if they gave you LSD? Crack? They had to have spiked it with eye drops. Jesus Ivan! That shit can really mess you up!"

Not paying much attention to his ramblings, I laid there and nervously flicked my eyes over his face. Making eye contact was something I was strongly uncomfortable with, but Ethan had such a handsome face, I couldn't help but want to take a little peek. Who knows, maybe they did spike my drink, but I knew the true reason. It was for this reason alcohol and my antipsychotics were not to be mixed, the consequences are negative, and well, dangerous. Although that discomfort was temporary, I've got a bigger problem on my hands. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.

The right thing to do would be to call Mrs. Clarissa, tell her what had happened so I could get home and take another dose. But my pride wouldn't let me do that. My desire to be average wouldn't let me do that. And my shame wouldn't let me do that.

As I laid here on the couch, Ethan's large fingers combing through my hair tenderly, the only thing I could do was wait. I knew the risk, as this mistake could very possibly plunge me into a psychotic episode. I had made so much progress with my condition since I was younger, I had even been referred to as a high-functioning schizophrenic at fifteen, when really I was just a high-functioning dumbass. Dr. Williams hated that label given to me by my previous psychiatrist, she thought it was outdated and too subjective, but I had a feeling the high school wouldn't have let me in without that kind of label due to my past record. A child with undiagnosed, unmedicated schizophrenia tended to have some behavioral issues. Who would have guessed?

I felt sick that I could have possibly spiraled when I had just gained control, and to think there was the chance I could lose it all. Vera was standing off to the side behind Ethan, making faces and teasing me about the position Ethan and I were in. Things were quiet, at least for now. No one was whispering in my ear, or yelling obscene words in the distance, no shadows of strange beings were moving around in the dark. I cherished this moment, even if I was uncertain it would even last, and after half an hour of just enjoying each other's presence, Ethan had gone home. Vera and I retired upstairs to her room, she told me I had some real balls for showing up that guy at the party, and I let her talk herself to sleep.

Laying there awake and aware, I had a bitter taste in my mouth thinking about Ethan being at that party. I never asked him what he was doing there, and he had never asked me what I was doing there, but it bothered me nonetheless. He never portrayed himself to be a fan of partying, with it being a part of his old lifestyle back in Colorado. Then again, he obviously wasn't doing drugs or getting wasted, based on his sobriety when he came over to me. It had become painfully clear to me how little I knew about Ethan, and that had to be the worst part of it all.

~

I think Ivan definitely could have made some better choices here, but I want to know your thoughts! Leave a vote if you enjoyed the chapter!