To my disbelief, and absolute relief, Ethan was still idled in front of my house, waiting to drive me to school. Some pressure was finally lifted from my chest, as I had been tossing and turning all night long fearing that Ethan and I's friendship had been thrown to the grave.

He was fiddling with the console, startling a bit when I opened the door and slid in. He gave my greeting a tight smile in return. I sighed, feeling that pressure return to my chest yet again. I played with my fingers anxiously, unsure if I could even look at Ethan without feeling this strange emotion; an emotion that only made my heart constrict uncomfortably. Ethan cleared his throat awkwardly as he pulled away from the curb of my house, sparing me a quick glance before he began to speak.

"So, Ivan, my mom wanted to invite your family to our barbeque this afternoon, at our place. She would really love to meet your family," he said in an even tone, chewing on the corner of his mouth as he squinted against the morning sun. Or was that a wince in response to the God awful tension that now filled the car?

I stared at Ethan's profile, tan skin glowing with the sunlight coming in through the front windshield. His soft brown hair was disheveled, and his overall posture was very rigid and stressed. This wasn't the Ethan I knew. The Ethan I knew was relaxed, outgoing and living life to the fullest. I didn't like this look on Ethan at all.

"Um, I'd have to ask of course, but I'm sure it would be no problem," I replied softly.

Ethan nodded, and the thick silence had returned. Should I say something else? I had no clue what to say, I had barely a clue as to what was even going on between us. So I simply said nothing. Ethan had pulled into his parking spot and parked, and I still said nothing. We walked into the school, saying nothing, and parted ways without a single word passed between us.

Walking into first period, I sat at my usual spot by the window, my right ear perking up as Vera thundered in. She slammed her text book on the desk, making me jump as she threw herself down in her chair.

"God, It's only the second day of school and I already want to fucking wring this girl's neck. She told Catherine-"

Vera stopped suddenly, not like I was really paying attention, I was too busy mindlessly scribbling on a piece of notebook paper. "Ivan? Hello?" She asked impatiently.

I looked up, meeting Vera's soft brown eyes with the broken stare of my blue ones. "Sorry, Vera. I'm listening now."

She huffed, slumping in her seat and resting her chin on her hand. "No, Ivan. I'm not going to complain about stupid people to a sad person. What's troubling you?"

I furrowed my eyebrows, concentrating on the piece of paper in front of me. What was I upset about, really? That Ethan wasn't giving me attention? It just sounds fucking pathetic, and it definitely wasn't something I was going to discuss among a bunch of vultures in the shape of students, some of them willing to give an arm or leg just for the opportunity to ruin someone's life.

"I'll explain it to you. I swear. Maybe just not. . . here," I sighed in aggravation.

Vera nodded, suddenly leaning over my arm and writing a set of numbers on my paper with a purple glitter pen. Grinning to herself, our gazes met again as Vera took out her collection of colorful note-taking pens. "That's my number. We're having a sleepover this weekend."

~

I was panting out in this residual summer heat, my chest rising and falling as I walked my next lap around the track. Ethan was chatting with some other hunky dude on the other side, I think I recognized him from the football team from last year. He had sandy blond hair, and was definitely a looker, allegedly his tongue had the ability to make girls just lose their minds. I shivered just thinking about it. Since they were jogging, the duo managed to catch up to me fairly quickly.

"Ivan! You should see the look Mr. McBrady is giving you, he's watching you like a hawk," Ethan panted, him and his friend slowing to a walk to match my pace. I glanced over at Mr. McBrady standing at the starting line, his arms crossed over a taut beer gut, disapproving stare trained on me. I looked back at Ethan, ready to make some sarcastic comment, when my eyes fell behind him to the other guy. The presence of this other muscle dude made me clam up, and I ended up just giving some pathetic shrug while averting my gaze to the red track beneath my sneakers.

"Coach likes little boys I guess," The blond chuckled, nudging Ethan's shoulder. Ethan rolled his eyes and scoffed in disgust.

"Run on your own, Chase. I'm walking with Ivan now," he shook his head.

The blond haired boy, Chase, gave me an odd look. Not one of complete contempt quite yet, but one of curiosity and confusion. What the hell is a person like Ethan doing with a person like Ivan? Yeah, that was the expression.

"Uh, okay. Whatever I guess," he snorted, and with that, Chase gained speed and began to jog further ahead of Ethan and I. Glancing up at Ethan, I was surprised to find that he was already staring at me. I felt flustered and quickly looked away again.

"So um, there was something I wanted to say to you Ivan," Ethan began, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. I could feel my heart drop and my breath catch in my throat. I had no idea what Ethan was thinking, and that drove me absolutely mad. Given the fact that our friendship had been a bit on the rocks since our last hangout, only my wildest imagination could conjure up ideas as to what he had to say, and none of them were all too pleasant.

Ethan finally let out a sad sigh. "I just wanted to say that I was sorry. I feel like I've been acting like a complete jerk towards you, and I just wanted you to know that it isn't your fault. There's just a lot of things I'm thinking about and working through, and while it isn't an excuse to be rude to you, I did completely overhaul my life just last summer; so it's taking some time to get used to the changes."

My mouth fell open a bit in surprise, but nonetheless, relief washed over me like a cool spring. "Oh. . . w-well it's alright. I guess we all have a thing or two to think about," I smiled softly at Ethan, and he smiled back, apparently thankful for my understanding. "And if you ever needed, I don't know, someone to talk to. . . I'm always around," I shrugged. It seemed like the appropriate thing to say when someone confesses something like that.

"I think I'd like that Ivy," Ethan smirked to himself, looking ahead at the green space of bushes and pine trees ahead of us. He looked so content there, so peaceful and beautiful, I almost didn't feel as though by his side was my rightful place. But it was by his side where I was able to find peace myself, and for the first time in a long time, I felt blissfully average.

~

"You must be Clarissa! Oh my God it is so good to finally meet you! I'm Mercedes, Ethan and Ally's mom," the bubbly woman spoke quickly.

"And the same to you! Your hair is absolutely stunning! Are you a natural blonde?"

"Thank you dear, I am. Ethan and Ally got their dad's hair though." Mercedes gestured over to a man at the grill talking to another guy, who I assume is Ethan's dad, and I now know for a fact where Ethan had gotten his genes. Mercedes' husband was tall and broad, with the same chestnut hair as his children, only his was going grey at the roots. Nevertheless, he was still stunning.

I looked back at Mrs. Clarissa, smiling at how carefree and young she appeared despite the fact that she was in her late fifties. She was elated when I had told her about Ethan's invite after school, babbling on about how happy she was that her children were finally branching out and 'taking the world by storm'. I rolled my eyes at that, but stayed positive for her sake, because Mrs. Clarissa truly deserved the world. I hadn't seen her this happy since the death of her husband, Dr. Tom Watson, who was the best damn psychologist, and human being, this world had ever seen.

He always treated us like we were people, not case studies; like human beings, and not just a bunch of crazy deviants. People often told Tom that he was going to get himself killed by working with troubled children like us, that we were doomed from the start and not to be tampered with. Like rabid animals, we shouldn't be touched even with a ten foot pole, much less share a house with us. He was the kindest man I had ever had the privilege of meeting, and his death shattered the hearts of each and every one of us, especially Mrs. Clarissa. And in the end, it wasn't those troubled children that had cut his life short, but some teenager who had gotten behind the wheel after having one too many to drink.

"Oh, Ivan! Ethan should be around the pool over there watching out for the little ones, I'm sure he would love your company," Mercedes winked, as she took Mrs. Clarissa by the arm and led her over to the wine table.

I peered over the expanse of the yard, and Ethan had a good sized one. There was a large canopy set up off to the side of the yard, where plastic folding tables were lined up beneath the shade. There was a winding cobbled path around the entire yard, where a beautiful stone fountain sat in the middle, surrounded by perfectly manicured gardens. On the other side of the yard, the collapsable swimming pool was set up and lively with kids and dogs, playing like the world could never burn. A distance away from the pool, I saw Ethan sitting on a yellow beach towel, clad in swim trunks and a grey t-shirt, obviously working as honorary lifeguard. The low evening sun was beaming down on him, and he looked like nothing lower than God himself. That same feeling erupted within me, the one I always get when I see Ethan. The feeling of warmth, and joy, a sense of comfort and security I had never before experienced in my life- I never wanted it to ever go away. A smile bloomed on my face as I made my way over to him, the screaming children and barking dogs be damned.

"Well, look who made it," Ethan grinned, his white teeth glistening in the sun. He dogeared the page in the book he was reading, setting it down on the grass as he patted the place next to him on the beach towel.

"Of course I did," I laughed, lowering myself onto the towel. I could hardly acknowledge how close Ethan and I were sitting, his tanned arm only an inch away from mine, because I was far too infatuated with the person that Ethan was to begin with. We watched the kids play for a minute before I finally spoke again, and I squinted my eyes against the glaring rays of the sun.

"Thanks for inviting us. Mrs. Clarissa was so thrilled and Mary really likes coming over."

Ethan glanced at me, his eyebrows furrowed a bit in confusion, "Mrs. Clarissa?"

Jesus. I've grown into such a habit of calling Mrs. Clarissa by that name that I hadn't realized I said it until it was already out of my mouth.

"She's the lady over there. Light brown hair, glasses, the one wearing the brown cardigan in weather like this." Ethan chuckled, and narrowed his eyes to see the person I was referring to. "Oh, the lady my mom is attached to like some parasitic wino."

I rolled my eyes but laughed anyway. Ethan gave me a sheepish grin, muttering something about not telling his mom he said something like that.

"Yeah. That's the one," I bit my lip nervously, knowing the conversation was creeping into more personal territory.

"Your mom?"

"Well, adoptive mom. She's a foster mom to my siblings though."

"Oh. . ." Ethan looked at me, seemingly shocked at the fact that I was adopted. I could tell he had questions swimming behind his eyes, but that he was too nervous to ask them in the event that he would upset me. I admired him for thinking of others like that.

"I'm not at all related to Mary and Benji, but we've all lived together with Mrs. Clarissa for years, so we just think of each other as family anyway," I explained.

"Do you . . . know your biological mom? Or your dad?" Ethan asked timidly, and I gave him an encouraging smile.

"No. All I know is that she was last heard from in Germany. She was a drug addict, lived on the streets of Berlin, so I don't think she even knows who my father is."

"Damn," Ethan let out a breath of air, rubbing his forehead. "So you're German?" He then asked with an awestruck gaze.

I nodded. "I moved here when I was about eight, once Mrs. Clarissa and her husband adopted me."

Ethan shook his head, "you really are an amazing person, you know that Ivy?"

I felt my cheeks grow hot, and I didn't know what else to do but shrug. "Well, I wouldn't mind changing some things. . ." I trailed off, growing mortified that I had become so comfortable with Ethan that I was sharing things I had never shared outside my own family. Well, granted I had no one to share that kind of information with outside of my own family anyway. "How did you change your life around?"

Ethan looked at the grass solemnly, and I felt fear spike through me that I had said the wrong thing. "It was easy honestly, because the person I was before was fake. I only wish I would have wasted less time being that person. That's what I like about you Ivan. You are real to yourself, and that's something that took eighteen years for me to figure out. As cliché as it sounds, it was like a nightmare to live in. It took me just this last summer to finally admit to myself and to everyone around me that I . . ." He took a deep breath in, and ran his hands down his face before steeling himself and looking at me. "To finally admit that I saw guys the same way I saw girls."

My mouth dropped in absolute shock, and it pained me to see the face in front of me filled with uncertainty and fear. It was Ethan being open with his darkest hours and presenting it as a final offering for a profound human connection. Who was I to throw it back in his face?

My hand had a mind of its own as it made its way over to Ethan's, lacing my fingers between his and nestling my hand there sweetly like it was its rightful place to reside there. Ethan's face held a look of complete surprise, and it took a moment for him to finally grasp my hand back, squeezing it gently like he was reassuring himself that it was really there. There was a faint chatter in my left ear, a common, but mild nuisance that I dealt with from time to time; only now, my illness no longer seemed like the center of my world.

~

Some fluff for the soul! Thank you for the votes and reads, it really means the world to me :)