《Dalaric》Thirty Nine: "𝙁𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙚."

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A bridge of silver wings stretches from the dead ashes of an unforgiving nightmare

to the jeweled vision of a life started anew.

Aberjhani

"Da-Dalaric ? Hello ?" I frown when he hangs up. My heart beats erratically. I know what he's thinking. This is bad. He's definitely really anxious right now and thinks I'm in some sort of trouble. God, why do I make him worry so much? I really should stop climbing the counters. And eating those really spicy noodles that mess up my intestines.

My eyes make it to the room across me where T stays. Kirra is ecstatically playing a game of heads up with him as he weakly laughs.

T was bleeding. I saw him when I passed by the reception and resorted to immediately panicking and calling for help. He didn't have the energy to even get up. I called Kirra and asked for some help and she was even more worried than I was.

Everything happened so fast and I didn't have time to update Dalaric.

And now he's on his way here, anxious and worried just because I didn't inform him in time.

I didn't even tell him why I'm here in the first place. I take some deep breaths, just praying and hoping that he doesn't do something dumb. I'm scared. About a lot of things.

Especially about how I'm going to meet mama in about thirty minutes.

Loud footsteps echo from the hallway and I get up hastily right before Dalaric pulls me into his arms. He lets me go and scans me for any harm done before resting both his hands on his knees and letting out a shaky breath.

"Oh, thank God. Fuck. Thank God."

"Babycakes? Are you okay ?" Dalaric doesn't answer as his eyes catch the sight of T in the hospital room. He turns to me and then back to T, asking me a silent question which I don't want to answer for some reason. One deep sigh later, he walks into T's room after giving me the 'stay-put' look. I watch as they talk and Dalaric has an apologetic face on as T tries to convince him that he's okay.

I have a hunch that Kirra likes T. Which is probably why she was really upset when we saw him. She smiles at me as she exits to call a nurse. I decide to take a walk around just to get some fresh air, in hopes to simmer down some of the fear.

I just...didn't want to tell him. And I don't even know why. Is it because I blamed him for this? I don't think I blamed him back then either. Is it because I fear he might lash out on her? Dalaric hates everyone who hurts me. He threatened Shay and Mikey when he found out about Landon, too. He went as far as to setting restraining orders on them. I think they're too scared to even set foot in a Starbucks. My boyfriend's got eyes everywhere. They don't really deserve coffee, anyways.

My feet take me to the benches in front of the hospital entrance and I attempt to talk to a pigeon who sits opposite me.

"Hello. I'm Maya." I murmur.

"Pakaw!"

"Okay." It flies away and I pout when I notice some poop on the bench. Stinky.

"U-umm, excuse m-me ?" I look up with a startled expression when I notice a girl a little older than me who seems distressed.

"Uh, can I help you ?" I've been played by strangers way too often. Come to think of it, she looks so familiar.

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"My boyfriend, he- I didn't mean- Do you know where- where I can find him ?" Shaking my head in confusion, I take her in again. Where have I seen her before? Think, Maya. Think.

Oh. I think the heck not.

"You-You're T's abuser ?" She's the one we saw at college.

"Abus-Abuser ? No! No, I didn't mean it. I swear. It was an accident."

"Oh," I scoff, feeling a lot angrier now that she's in front of me. "Was the first time an accident, or the second, or the third ?" My hands curl up into fists. Abuse is not an accident. "Please step away from me before I call security." Dalaric taught me self defense so I'm not afraid to use these hands.

"No, no. You have to believe me, I didn't mean it ! He's exaggerating it, I promise ! I-I"

That last part triggers me in some way, which has me glaring at her.

"It's one thing to refuse to take accountability. It's another to invalidate your victims trauma. You, are a disgusting excuse of a human being, let alone a girlfriend. You didn't mean to ? You didn't mean to physically and emotionally scar him ? Get away before I do something I regret too." She trembles as I seethe the words. Calm down, Maya. Think of him. Think of him. I take a deep breath and take out my phone as she shakily walks away.

"Hey, caroline. It's me. She's just next to the entrance, should be heading to the parking lot in about three minutes. I'd stick next to Gate A. Get her." I plop my self on the bench, avoiding the poop. It was a smart thing to call Raf, who then told me that Caroline was the chief investigator of Domestic Violence. She was very shocked when I called her up, and for some reason thought that I was calling her because my babycakes had done something. She threatened to beat him up so I guess.. she had my back ? All I know is I'm glad we can help T.

I play with some loose threads until I sense a shadow looms over me. Looking up, I smile at how perfect my man is. And how he's trying to stay calm. And then frown at the conversation we need to have.

"What were you doing here ?" Dalaric crosses his arms, still standing in front of me. I don't answer for a while because I don't want to make this worse.

"I'm not repeating myself."

"I came to see mama," I whisper, chewing on my lip.

"This is what you felt you didn't need to tell me ?" I shake my head even though we both know it's true. Dalaric's fist clenches and I resist myself from picking them up and giving them a kiss like I want to.

He walks away.

"Oh, he angy." I whisper to myself. Dalaric dislikes it when I keep things from him. He tells me everything, regardless of me asking. I want to know everything about him and he understands that. He's so good to me so I just assumed he wouldn't mind. I'm such an idiot. I can't imagine how untrustworthy he feels. Even though we've been talking about seeing mama for a while now, I just couldn't bring myself to tell him that it was time.

Stupid Maya. You would've been better off as a piece of furniture.

Table Maya. Hehe.

I try and lift my own spirits up since the only person who can actually do that isn't by my side. I understand why. But I wish it wasn't that way.

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My mind clouds with thoughts and I walk towards the psych ward area. A kind nurse guides me to room thirty-four and I give myself a pep talk before entering.

"You got this, Maya. You got this. You can do it." I whisper, making fists to feel somewhat empowered. Aligning both my feet in front of the white door, I come to a much-expected halt. "It's easy. Just go in and...a-and-" My cheeks feel wet and I let out a whimper, resting my head against the door that separates my mother and me. I want him here. I need him here. Then why did I push him away?

And just like God heard my prayer instantly, I feel an all too familiar hand enclose mine.

Rapidly rubbing my hand against my cheeks to get rid of the tears, I turn and mush my face into his chest.

"I-I thought you were angy-angry w-with me." I'm so glad he's here.

"I am." My body stiffens and I move backwards, wanting to respect his feelings but finding it hard to do so. Dalaric sighs, almost knowingly, and pushes my face back into his chest.

"But I love you more than that. You don't do shit alone as long as I'm here." He kisses the top of my head and my eyes water a teeny bit at how lucky I am to have him.

"I love you." My face falls into a I-want-to-cry-but-this-is-not-the-time-or-place look. I rub my cheek on his arm and pull him closer. He's everything to me. And he's the only reason I have enough courage to knock on the door and wait for the nurse. Dalaric's hand tightens on mine when the nurse lets us in.

My eyes set on her.

Mama sits at the edge of the bed, staring at the tiled floor with her hands on her side. I don't expect her to look my way, but it calms me when I don't see a speck of disgust on her face. She looks healthy. I'm happy about that. It's eerily silent and I cough, making it awkward. Way to go, Maya.

"Hi, Mama." Dalaric stands right by my side and takes one step in front when I speak, protectively hiding half of me in case something- I'm not sure what, really- happens. I lay a hand on his shoulder and smile when he turns, moving forward. The smile tells him that I want to do this part myself. I need her to know that I'm not scared, nor am I defensive.

She may not have changed but I sure have.

"I hope um, I hope you're well. They told me you've been getting better every day and that you've signed up for more rehab. I'm glad to hear that. Oh and, this is Dalaric." At his name, Mama's head turns with wide eyes. Dalaric's face is serious, way too serious and I bump his upper arm with my shoulder to tell him to loosen up. He glares for a second to show me his distaste but eases up and nods at her.

"Nice to meet you, Ma'am." I can practically hear the lie but I tighten my hold on his hand, thanking him without words.

She doesn't say anything in response. After only a few seconds, she puts forward her hand towards me. Her eyes, for the first time since I walked into the room that she's been confined in for months, meet mine. They scan me from head to my chubby toes which are in slides. I should've worn proper shoes...

Instinctively, I look at Dalaric. He nods before letting go of my hand very reluctantly. My hand lays itself in hers, which are calloused and warm, making me realise how much I have missed them. Mama pulls me closer so I sit beside her on the bed. My heart beats erratically, but for the first time, it isn't from fear. It's because of the hope of something better.

She brings it up and gives it a kiss before I feel droplets of tears fall on my fingers.

"M-mama, why are you crying ?" I panic at the sight of her completely breaking down, laying a hand on her back right before she mutters words that I never thought I would hear. Those words break me, but relieve me in some obscure way, telling me that I deserve time. Time to heal and think, so that I can do what needs to do. Maybe those words were what I always needed to hear from someone who has hurt me.

"Don't forgive me, Maya. Never do, please."

"W-What are you saying, Mama ? Please don't-" My eyes water with her own, my pain being unleashed in the form of tears that are not of weakness, but strength.

"I'm so sorry, my sweet girl. Your mama doesn't deserve your forgiveness. Not now, and maybe never." She hugs me and just like that, I cry even harder. My heart doesn't want to hear her say those things, but my mind tells me that it's what I need. And sometimes logic overpowers the heart. Her warmth, which I have longed for since my father's death, is enough to tell me that she's back. Even if it's a small piece of what she used to be, my mama's there. And she's trying. But most importantly, she understands. She understands that she's hurt me like she never should've, in the most unforgivable ways. She understands that it was abuse.

Quite often, even understanding is a form of accountability.

"I-I'm going to a facility far away for nine months. The drugs..I've stopped. They say I've got other issues and I'm going to fix them." She wipes her tears and holds my hand again.

"That's good, mama. I'm..." I lay my other hand on top of hers. "I'm glad to hear that." I send her a small smile before getting up. Dalaric's not here so I'm guessing he left the room to give us some privacy. Or maybe I just have a very ugly crying face and he couldn't stand it. He did once say it was pretty though...

"Is he good to you ?" I'm surprised to hear her ask that because I didn't expect her to acknowledge the man who practically arrested her. I only smile, which is all I do whenever he's involved, and nod.

"He is." She subtly smiles. I walk further towards the door and halt when she asks me another question.

"Will you...will you come and visit, Maya ?" I can sense the hesitancy in her question but I reply honestly, wanting her to know that it isn't easy for me.

"When I'm ready, I will, Mama." Sending her a small wave and a smile that she might not see in a while, I open the door to see what I always want to see. Someone I always want on the other side of every tough situation.

Dalaric.

"She's going to rehab."

"Mhm." He nods. "Gimme a sec, will you ?"

Dalaric goes into the room and I look around, confused and worried. Is he going to yell at her or something?

A good five minutes pass and I wake up from my nap on the wall as he exits the room.

"What did you tell her ?" I ask, moving forward to hold his hand. Dalaric shoves his hands inside his pocket and my face falls. Owie.

"So we telling each other everything now ?"

Owie. I deserve that so I nod at his response and fiddle with the loose thread as we walk out of the hospital after checking in with T's nurse. He needs his rest so we can only come to visit tomorrow.

The car ride is silent and my hand itches so I silently moisturise it, knowing full well that it's not itching because it's dry.

It's only when we enter the house, does he speak. And it's not to me, but Kipp. Our darn parrot. I deserve that too.

"Kipp, come eat." Kipp follows him after pecking my cheek. Dalaric sits on the couch and I follow. He inches further away. I deserve that.

After he feeds Kipp, the energised bird ends up sitting right in the middle of the couch, with us on either side. It doesn't feel right not having him right next to me. Maybe you should've thought of that before you lied, huh?

"Kipp, tell him that I'm sorry." Kipp turns to me before flying to Dalaric and pecking his face.

"Ricky. Ricky." Well, it seems like our parrot is not an efficient mediator.

"Kipp, tell him that I'm really sorry." Kipp comes back to me and returns to peck his face.

"Kipp, tell her that I don't wanna hear her apology from our damn parrot." Dalaric murmurs with clear annoyance before Kipp just flies back to his cage, probably offended and tired of us.

Owie. I move to my right. And do that repeatedly until I'm right next to the love of my life.

"I'm sorry. Please..." I grab his hand and internally cheer when he doesn't move but only tightens his grip on it.

"Do you..." He sighs, cradling his head in his hands. I made him sad. "..have any damn clue about how bad that makes me feel, Mayella ? The shit we've been through together, and you don't want to tell me this? It makes me feel like shit. I'm not doing good enough if my own girl doesn't fucking trust me. Fuck, Mayella..." Dalaric slouches against the back of the chair and pinches the bridge of his nose.

"I'm sorry. I swear I trust you. A lot. I just...I don't know. I thought I needed to do this alone. Just like way back then...y'know ? I keep forgetting that I have you, babycakes. I'm sorry. You're the most trustworthy dude out there, for me and the family."

Maybe it would've been okay to keep things like this from him before we were in a relationship, but that's not how it works. Hiding things is never the best option and I did that with something he was involved in too. It's not fair to him. And it's not like it was fair to me too, considering the fact that I ended up needing him when the time came. I could've gotten hurt.

A relationship needs clarity. I love him so I need to show him that. I also need to show him that I trust him.

"I'm sorry too, for being so fucking petty. You didn't deserve that." I really am lucky.

"You swear you won't pull shit like that again? And that you'll try to remember me ?" My bobbled head nods frantically.

"Yes, I promise. I can give you a cookie if you-" I try to bribe him with food but it doesn't work.

"No bribing. Next time this happens, I'm going to get angry. You got that ?" I nod and look down at my loose thread, slightly pouting at his tone.

"And what do I do when I'm angry ?" My head shakes automatically. I don't wanna say it. Oh God, my cheeks feel hot.

"Mayella, what do I do when I'm angry ?" Dalaric takes a hold of my chin and forces me to look at his handsome serious face.

"Y-you squeeze a-and squish..."

"And ?"

"B-Bite. Hard." Memories of his marks make their way back to my mind and I bite my lip. Why am I excited...Nope, nope Maya, you don't want an angry Dalaric ! But maybe I do...teehee.

"Correct. Now come here." My pout disappears as I plop myself on his lap before his arms come around me in a tight hug. I love him so much.

"Oh um, now that I promise to be a hundred per cent honest. I met T's ex-girlfriend- the one who abused him- and threatened her. Oh, and I also called Caroline so that she can arrest her and put her behind bars. Caroline and I are friends now. Also, I was really scared but I managed to seem really badass while plotting the plan. I also did the whole thing where you, like, trick the criminal? So I told her to leave before I call security. But you see, I already told Caroline to watch all the gates with her team, smart right? And-"

"For fuck's sake. No more, I'm proud as fuck but that's enough. Just..." I giggle at his expression and leave kisses all over his face. Grabbing the blanket by the couch, I lay it on the both of us and snuggle into him.

It's time to say what's been on my mind for a while now so I do just that, catching him by surprise judging from his 'what the heck' expression.

"Babycakes ?"

"Mhm."

"I don't wanna wait anymore."

________________

3309

Howdy 🤠!

I missed you. How y'all doing ? Hope everyone's safe and well :) Mocks are done ! They went well !! Turns out, my summer exams are cancelled lmaoo 😭 I expected this since I had gut feeling ever since September when school started.

Cases are rising everyday, so stay safe please ! I wear two masks now for good measure.

Anyways, back to updating weekly. I might even get more than one chapter done in a week since the workload is going to be cut down.

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