Yes, I value emotions deeply.

Call me sensitive, call me weak, call me outdated, call me anything you may, but tell me the truth, can you deny emotions give life to life. If Emotions are an integral part of Being Human, Why do people suppress feeling them ? Does the bruising scare them ? Then I wonder who is weak ?

Drishti Bablani

Wordions

A deep sigh escapes me as I get off the hospital bed after a nurse takes out the IV. I thank her, and make my way to the small washroom in the corner which also has a shower.

Not the sprinkler ones, though.

The lights turn on and I almost scream at my reflection in the compact mirror. Jeezdoodles, I look horrifying. The bandage covers a bit of my right cheek and I contemplate removing it.

Doing it anyways, I take it off and gasp again. This is going to scare all my three friends away. The wound isn't that long but it's deep enough to leave a scar.

Great, more scars to get rid of.

It stretches from the corner of my eye to my ear. It was the kitchen counter- what she threw me on. I shake away any thoughts before posing in the mirror to see if i can pull off a scar. It kind of looks like a sad panda if you really look at it. Why are kitchen counters so sharp ?

My eyes flicker to the small clock outside the washroom. Two in the morning. I couldn't sleep. Not without a certain pair of arms. Not without Mr.Jones , Senior and Junior. But mainly the pair of arms.

"Mayella ?"

I peek out the door of the room, noticing a comfortable Fatima who's reading a book. She scans me worriedly and I smile, telling her that I'm as alright as I can be.

As alright as I can be without my babycakes.

Her eyes move to a part of my face and I tilt my face, why is she staring ? Oh. Right. The sad panda.

I shake my head, telling her to ignore it before taking a seat opposite her. She lent me one of her hoodies so I'm currently dressed in a plain black hoodie. Without a certain person's name on the back.

Sigh. I need to stop.

"Did, um, did he leave ?" I know he did. Well, he probably did. Why wouldn't he ? There's no reason to stay. I need to get Mr.Jones back-

"Did you hit your head too ? Of course, he didn't leave, you idiot. That man has been sitting on an extremely uncomfortable hospital waiting room chair for five hours straight. He won't speak to me, he won't speak to the doctors, he won't even eat ! He also won't get me anything to eat- can you believe that ? Rude, right-"

"He won't eat ? He's such an idiot." I mumble the last part to myself, my brows furrowed in worry. Starving himself is not the option. Idiot.

I steal Fatima's fluffy slippers and make my way down the empty hallway, smiling at some of the nurses who look really tired. I give them the two dollars Fatima handed me and they hug me, rushing to the coffee machine.

My legs quicken their pace as I reach the waiting room at the end. There's only two people in there. One's a lady who's snoring , a magazine clutched in her hands as a phone lay on her lap. The other is the person I want forever. His head is cradled in his hands and his shoulders slouched. What angers me isn't how I've made him look so defeated, no. It's the sight of his clearly untreated bruised and bloodied fists that rest upon his perfect hair that makes me walk over to him, and grab both his hands by force.

Dalaric's eyes shoot up to mine. They look so tired. His eyes don't once zero in on the very apparent scar that has graced my face. He just stares into my eyes with such vulnerability and hope that it weakens me. And then his head hangs, almost as if he's disappointed in himself.

"You punched the guards, didn't you ?" I mutter, softly.

Dalaric nods, his head still hanging and my hands still in his as I crouch down in front of him.

"And the doctor." He mumbles out shamefully, his voice dry and throaty but still attractive. He probably hasn't even had water. Idiot.

"And you didn't get it checked out ? You idiot! We're in a hospital !" I use my hand to lift his chin, wanting to meet those eyes of his as I whisper-shout incase the sleeping woman is disturbed.

Dalaric doesn't say anything and leans back against the chair. It does look uncomfortable. I bite my lip, knowing that he matters more than anything else right now, before climbing on top of his lap and straddling him. His hands reach the hoodie just in time before it rises up and he glares at the lack of his name.

Dalaric reaches on his side, where a black duffel bag lays. He takes out our black hoodie and shoves it onto me, nodding to himself.

All I do is shake my head. He always does it before I get to. My hands clasp his again and I grab some of the tissue from one of the tables where lots of medical magazines lay. I wet it, using some of the water in his bag and dab gently, grumbling under my breath at how much he tends to hurt himself.

"My name's Dalaric and I'm so perfect so I hit random people just because I don't agree with them then I also hurt myself in the process. Then my girlfriend-"

Dalaric puts up a finger to my mouth, silencing my mocking rambling.

"Girlfriend ?" Did he think I would ever be able to leave him ? This man has me whether or not he likes it.

"Always." Dalaric's eyes shine in happiness and I sigh, feeling the need to explain everything.

"I'm still angry." His lips fall, his jaw tightens and he nods. Both his hands fall off my hips but I put them back, that's the only place they belong.

"I-I wasn't angry at you. I just- I took it out on you. I'm angry at me. And I know you won't apologize. And I understand why but- wait." I grab one of his hands holding it to my heart. He raises a brow, silently asking me what crazy thing I'm doing now.

"I read somewhere that contact keeps the heart calm. So i'm going to touch you. Fine ? Fine."

Dalaric nods, taking one of my hands and holding it to his heart too. He makes it hard to stay mad at him.

But as I laid awake the whole night, I realized that if I need to 'stay' mad at him, then I was never really mad at him in the first place.

I'm only mad at myself.

I'm mad at myself for being so irrational and denying the possibility that my mother stopped being my mother five years ago.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Dalaric. You didn't deserve that." Dalaric kisses my hand, telling me it's okay.

Telling me that it's okay because I'm only human. A human who just misses the warmth of at least one parent. Human.

"I- She was never like this before." I whisper. My hand gets tired so I lean forward, tucking my head in the crook of his neck and laying sideways in his lap. Dalaric pulls the hoodie down so my bahookie isn't exposed to the cold air- or to the snoring woman.

"We used to go to the park every Wednesday, as a small happy family." I smile at the memories. "My father was in the military and would be away for about six months or so. It was tough, but mama loved him too much to be sad. Then, when I was around twelve- he changed. There was an incident in one of the camps he was deployed in and it, um, it hurt him. In here." I tap the side of my head before Dalaric takes that finger and kisses it, telling me to go on as he slowly rubs my neck.

"Mama changed too, then. He would be so distant. He wouldn't eat with us. He wasn't the same anymore and he refused to get help. That's when he started playing with the knives. I remember the first time, he had emptied all the knives from our cabinets. Only the sharp cutting ones. I woke up from all the noise and tried asking him what was wrong but he never answered, as if he wasn't there in the first place. It happened once or twice a month at first, then once a week, and then everyday."

Dalaric takes away the hand I use to rub away my tears from my sensitive eyes and uses his instead, but does it much more gently.

"The day he did it. It wasn't a special day or anything like that. Maybe he was practicing the other nights. But I was there. I watch the w-whole thing, Dalaric. The way his body fell, the way the pool formed and the way my mom found us. The way she found me crying on his chest, trying to take out the knife, even three hours after his death. That's w-why I, um, dont like knives. They- I saw it go in-" I'm silently sobbing at this point, and he hugs me tight. My sniffles are muffled by his chest and I break down. I finally break down.

Sometimes you have to break down to start healing.

"I don't blame myself. It was suicide. But she blames me. I-I lost b-both of my parents that night, Dalaric. I-" My throat clogs up and Dalaric gives me a sip of water from the bottle before kissing my forehead.

"I-It felt like that all over again. When I saw her in the- the hospital room. She said I killed her. I didn't kill her- I didn't, Dalaric. I didn't." I shake my head vigorously, trying to prove my point.

I didn't kill her.

"Hey, hey ,hey.. baby. Baby, look at me. Mayella." I meet his eyes and his eyes turn serious, the softness somehow still apparent.

"You didn't kill her. She's alive, and she's going to get the help she needs. She's sick but she had no fucking right to scar you. Fine ?"

I don't answer, my mind too messy and relieved at the affirmation that she's going to get help.

Dalaric squishes my face as he waits for an answer and I look into his beautiful eyes.

"Fine." I put some of his hair behind his ear and kiss his cheek, four times. I missed him so much.

"A-are you sure you still w-want me ? I-" I clench my eyes, not wanting to say the next part.

"-You deserve so much better than me, I only ruin your perfect lif-" He wouldn't have had to leave Canada so quick if it wasn't for me. He wouldn't have had to go through all this pain.

"Shut the fuck up, Mayella. You are the only one I'll ever want and I need you to fucking understand that." My eyes water at his tone, hating myself for being so sensitive and doubtful.

He notices my reaction and slightly panics."Baby, no-Fuck. I need you to let me take care of you. You're min-"

"I'm yours." I cut him off with a kiss to his cheek before using my best puppy dog eyes. "I'm so so sorry. I'm sorry for telling you to leave- I'm sorry for ignoring you, I don't know what- I'm so sorry, I even told that doctor that you're the lo-"

Not letting me finish, Dalaric shushes me with a smooth kiss and I squeal lightly. He inches one hand inside the hoodie, his hand slightly grazing the skin of my bahookie before rubbing my back.

"You touched it." I mumble, referring to my bahookie as he leaves me panting against his chest. Dalaric swollen lips take a sip of water before he nods, nonchalantly.

"I did."

"You're my hero." I blurt out. Dalaric almost chokes on the water but recovers, looking at me with an unbelieving expression.

"The hell I am."

"Yes, you are."

"Don't call me that."

"You're like batman." He would be such a cool batman.

"Mayella." He warns.

"You saved me, Dalaric. I thank God every day for you, y'know ? Like ten times or something, I have it in my notes- oh, I broke my phone." I sheepishly grin at him but he seems irritated that I broke my only phone.

Dalaric says I should have atleast one working phone in case anything happens. Sorry, mister, but not everyone can afford three different phones.

"I don't have three phones." I should really stop talking to myself.

Dalaric glares at me with slight anger when my stomach rumbles. He gets up from the hospital chair, me in his arms sideways as he walks towards the door. His angry expression softens in a flash as I boop his nose using my nose, slightly scrunching it while I rub my left cheek against his.

His arms are warm as we walk down the corridor, kisses being left on each spot on my face. Including the sad panda. I wave at Fatima as we enter my hospital room.

"I thought you were taking me to the cafeteria ?" I ask, unsure of why we're walking to my room when he promised me food. You don't promise me food and then.. not give me food.

My boyfriend sets me down on the bed, before sighing. His eyes are slightly darker as they roam my legs and thighs.

"You need pants." Oh, right.

☁︎︎ ☁︎︎ ☁︎︎

" I couldn't sleep without you." I mumble into his shirt as I lay on top of him. Dalaric covers us with the white sheet, slightly warmer because he made me take of Fatima's hoodie and put his own on again. We ate some Chinese at the hospital cafeteria. I let him feed me because he got moody when I said I'm not a child. He also crossed his arms like a child on timeout. My baby.

The hospital bed is small but big enough for two people, one laying on top of the other. He caresses my hair as I let out a huff of frustration.

"I don't like how you starved yourself, Dalaric. You don't deserve that." I move further up his body, both our faces really close together. One with a sad panda and the other with perfection. Sigh.

"Ido." I glare at him, noticing how his eyes leave mine and arrive at the wound on my face. They harden, not with anger but with guilt.

"Nope. Not happening. Look at me. You." Poking his forehead so he can look into my eyes again, I say, "Yes, you. Look at me." Dalaric finally shifts his eyes towards me as I twirl a strand of his pretty hair.

"This wasn't your fault." Dalaric bites his lip and clenches his eyes, not liking my very true words.

I pry open one of his eyes and point to my cheek. " You see this ? It would've been worse if you hadn't saved me. Imagine having two sad pandas on my cheek instead. Horrifying, I know. But I can't imagine. I have you. My hero. My...babycakesman?" That sounds like a good superhero name. Maybe something more-

I groan when he turns us around so that we're both on our sides, facing each other. "I missed you so damn much.." I take my head off his chest to speak but he only shushes me and tucks it into the crook of his neck. "..little spoon." He murmurs into my hair, one hand putting my pyjama-clad leg over his hip. Intimate, me likey.

My eyes shut in relief. Relief that it's all over. I have the man of my life and I'll do everything to show how grateful I am. I can almost my cheeks burn as I recall what I said to that doctor. Burying my face further into his warmth, I smile. I'm so lucky.

"I'm so lucky to have you, my man. You're still my man, right ? " Dalaric grumbles but answers anyways.

"Always your damn man, now sleep." My smile widens. So sweet. My body prepares itself for a much needed slumber but jolts awake when the door to the room opens.

"Um-guys..we have to check out. Oh- sorry." She apologizes when she notices our intimate and neither of us move, hoping she gets the hint that we want to sleep in each other's arms and be left alone.

Fatima still doesn't move and crosses her arms. "We need to leave."

"For fuck's sake." Dalaric sighs as we get up- Well, he gets up with me in his arms. Once I'm set down on the floor, Dalaric grabs one of the ointments left on the hospital bed and reapplies it to the wound, slightly crouching down to reach it.

"Looks like a sad panda, am I rite' ?" Dalaric nods, his mind somewhere else as Fatima leaves to get the release papers.

"Do I still look pretty ?" I pucker up my lips, like those pretty girls on the internet, and Dalaric looks at me with amusement in his otherworldly eyes.

His voice is genuine as he wraps an arm around my waist and grabs our things. "Fucking beautiful." I hide my flushed face behind my open hair, he's so cheesy.

Fatima meets us in the reception and I sign the papers, thanking the nurses. She grabs a cab to the joint after I hug her and thank her for all she's done for me. I also told her that she's my best friend and has no choice in the matter.

I finally know what it's like to love a person in a non-Dalaric way.

My eyes widen at the L word and I clear my throat as he buckles me up in the car seat. Dalaric seems stressed as he rechecks the pharmacy bag with the healing medicine. They gave me some nutrition tablets because I was getting weaker every day, along with some ointment for all the other scars too. It's going to be an extensive morning routine.

"Fuck, are five bottles even enough ? Shit. Wait here-"

He's freaks out, over me, and my heart warms at it. I don't want to invalidate his panic. He just cares. So much. And I just want to hug him forever for that. So I grab his hand and nod reassuringly.

"Dalaric ? Hey, look" I point to myself. "I'm fine, okay ? Five bottles is more than enough- and we can always get some more."

He takes a few minutes, murmuring something to himself and nodding before getting into the car. Dalaric grabs one of my hands and puts it on his shaking knee which gradually calms down.

"Fine." He says, dismissively. He's so cute, tryna' act all nonchalant.

"I, uh, I need your phone." Dalaric doesn't hesitate and takes it out of his pocket, setting it on my lap. He even lets me snoop in his messages. I send Rafael penguin pictures and he still thinks Dalaric does it.

"Hi uncle, its Maya. You're niece. Um- Mama's, uh, in the hospital. She's sick and she's getting treated. They told me you paid for the insurance so, thank you. I'm sorry for asking but I was wondering if you have any apartments in town ? I need a place to stay for a while bef-"

A strong hand snatches the phone from me and cancels the voicemail, throwing the device in the backseat.

"What the fuck, Mayella ?"

"What ? What happened ? You said I could make a call-" I panic, making sure his phone is sound and safe. That's an expensive phone.

"No, Mayella. What's the fucks got you thinking that you're not staying with me ?" I shake my head, fiddling with my fingers.

"I can't depend on you like that. You already do too much, baby cakes. I have a job that barely gets me by and the rent is too much at the apartment. It's okay, my uncle always tells me I can use one of his empty apartments so I'll just live there for now and-"

The car stops abruptly as we reach his driveway. Dalaric sighs.

"You're staying in our house. End of fucking discussion." I open my mouth to retort but he leaves the car and walks to my side, his eyes soft.

Dalaric opens the car door and helps me out before throwing me over his shoulder, my penguin-print pyjamas riding up. My bahookie is probably right next to his face. I can only grumble, finding no point in reprimanding him. Whatever makes him happy.