After all, when a stone is dropped into a pond, the water continues quivering even after the stone has sunk to the bottom.

Arthur Golden

This is what trauma is.

It doesn't always have to be abuse,

The effects can linger for a lifetime.

Stay strong. My inbox is always open.

Light pokes incessantly disturb me from my slumber.

Someone's booping my nose.

Only Dalaric's allowed to do that.

I blink open my eyes to see the person who makes my life better-

Oh. Rafael.

I mean, he's nice too. And funny. He does make my life better and I'm thankful to have him has a friend. Friends don't come easily for me.

He grins when I get up while rubbing my eyes to get rid of the sleep cooties.

Rafael goes back to the mirror in Dalaric's amazing room and starts touching up his afro.

"Good morning, munchkin. Dalaric never lets me in here so..." He turns to me and flashes a toothy smile. "Gotta make the most of it !" He opens one of the drawers which had loads of expensive looking hair creams.

Interesting.

It would be a shame if they were to disappear.

And magically appear at my house.

A shame.

Rafael laughs at my state that i'd like to call constipated rabbit. He throws something soft yet heavy at me which sends me back on the bed.

My eyes go wide when it's one of Dalaric's turtle necks. I shake my head and get off the bed , trying to hand it over to an amused Rafael .

I don't think Dalaric would let me take his clothes.

"You drool, munchkin." He nods to my shirt and I frown at the large stain. Nasty Maya who can't even sleep properly.

Rafael pushes me in the bathroom before going to make breakfast.

Oh em gee.

He has an overhead shower and a place where you can sit- inside the shower ? Oh my.

I grin evilly as I just know i'm going to try every single setting on the shower head. Oo sprinklers !

Dalaric probably won't mind. Well, hopefully.

After spending a good amount of time in the washroom, I walk in the kitchen , clad in Dalaric's turtle neck and leggings. My leggings , not Dalarics. I don't think Dalaric owns leggings. That would be funny.

Rafael is eating pancakes as I check my phone notifications. Dalaric sent me a smiley emoji which means he's on a mission.

"He's running a bit late, don't worry." Rafael continues shoving the pancakes after reading my mind , a sudden worry overcoming me.

What if things went wrong ?

I politely decline the plate of pancakes he prepared for me and sit down on the couch , not having an appetite anymore.

"When do you want me to take you home ?" He walks over to the couch , plopping down while letting out a burp.

I giggle at how loud it is.

"I'm not going until he comes back." I cross my arms stubbornly and he just sends me an eye roll. I physically can't handle the fact that he might not be okay. There's also a part of me that doesn't want to go back to a place that only harms me.

I shouldn't be so selfish.

"He should be on the way now, don't , I repeat, don't open the door for anyone. " Rafael turns to leave before I nod and wave goodbye. He turns around right when he opens the door and smirks at me,

"Oh, and thank you for cracking the firewall , smarty." He laughs as my face turns red. They know ? Of course they know , idiot ! They're trained assassins.

What do I tell Dalaric ? Will he put me in jail- oh no, will he kill me with those mini , yet really cute, syringes. Will he feed me to Landon- I shake those thoughts away. He would never do that. My kisses are too good. I'll just bribe him. Yes, bribery. Perfect.

After my plan to survive , I send a worried glance to the black dot above the kitchen table. I feel like that's a camera. It probably is. I wave slowly , at whoever's behind it , and give it a thumbs up so it doesn't tell on me.

I mean , it already did. I didn't expect for them to find out about the whole hacking thing. It was something I picked up when I spent hours at the café during a time where mama's PTSD episodes were really bad.

Jim would let me use it for homework and I did about ten courses on code. Eventually, I got the hang of it and accidentally hacked my school's website. They used a really bad picture of me on one of the pages. It's not there anymore since I accidentally removed it.

My stupid curiosity made me pick up the laptop. Rafael seemed stressed over it and if there was anyway someone as dumb as me could do it , I might as well try. Shay told me I'm not talented enough to get into an IT College. She's probably right. I hope Dalaric's not mad.

After about an hour of watching a channel which shows predatory animals hunting for food , the door clicks open. My smile automatically widens as I hop my way to the entrance , ready to greet him with a big fat hug.

That smile soon falls.

Especially when I see a pool of dark red blood. Dalarics eyes widen , as if he wasn't expecting me to be here. He moves backwards , hiding something from me. I feel tears building up as I take in his appearance. There's a dried scab on his head and a few on his jaw but he still looks perfect.

Except for the knife in his side.

I shut my eyes and shake my head , throwing away any flashbacks that threaten to return.

Maybe.. maybe it's not a knife.

"I-is that a-a knife ?" Dalaric shakes his head slowly , noticing my tears and pained expression as I take small steps backwards.

My eyes struggle to come to terms with what's reality and what isn't. Heaps of air enter my mouth but don't make it any easier for me.

Especially when the flashbacks return.

""D-ad, wh-what are you cutting ?"

Dada looks at me with pained eyes , all the knives we own laid out on the kitchen counter.

He doesn't look like my dada. His eyes, they seem lost as if he's not mentally here. His looks straight ahead , never meeting my gaze once as I walk slowly towards him, clutching my stuffie , Mr.Jones in my hands.

"Da-Dad?"

He continues looking forward , his fingers trail over each knife, choosing. My eyes follow his movements , small tears escaping from their captive ducts and making their way down my cheeks , leaving trails of sadness and fear.

His hand stops. It's a knife with a wooden handle. We bought it at a garage sale. What is he cutting ? I look around for any food but I don't see anything except the multitude of sharp cutlery.

"Dad ? W-What are you going to do with that ? Do you need h-help ?" I keep my eyes trained on his movements, my hands constantly reaching up to wipe the fresh tears.

I'm scared.

He picks up the knife and a light reflects it , sending the beam right onto me. I clench my eyes shut and move away, just missing the moment when dada plunges it into his side.

Not before muttering the words,

"I'm sorry."

I gasp as Dalarics hand touches mine, his body is slouched as he drops the phone in his hand , my daze distracting me from what he had done.

I back away.

I can't.

I can't do this.

One look at the blood oozing out from his wound and dripping onto the white tiles , I run.

I hold in my sobs before I make it into the bathroom , sitting with my back against the door.

I know it's selfish.

I'm selfish.

I left him there, bleeding.

I can't lose him but I can't stand the sight of the knife. I'd lose both of us then.

"I'm sorry"

I shake my head at my father's voice , ringing like the bell of a church. Except this was not a calling for prayer , it was one of terror.

"I'm sorry."

My hands instinctively cover my ears as his voice , his face and the knife appear in my mind as if i'm thirteen again.

"No...Dad.Please." I whisper continuously.

"Don't leave me Dad..Don't, please." I lay my head on his chest , my gaze locked on the knife that's deep inside his heart. My hands touch it as I sob recklessly. Footsteps echo in the hallway, mama's shouts of terror and despair fall to deaf ears as I can only hear the last words before the death of my father replaying themselves robotically , a bleeding record.

"Dad...no."

Theres voices in the living room as I sob relentlessly. It hurts.

My heart constricts as I try and breathe in gulps of air. The floor is cold under my body as I lay there. My hands clutching the soft sleeves of his turtleneck , realizing I had now disappointed not one but two men in my life.

Time would tell how long I had laid there. It was the shutting of a door that startled me awake , a pained expression still on my face.

I got up, my legs still shaky and my chest feeling tight.

Subtle grunts of pain sound of Dalaric's room. I hesitantly walk towards the door before unlatching it.

Tears escape my eyes once more as I take him in. His wound is treated but he struggles with stitching it up as he sits on the edge of the bed.

I'm selfish.

I'm a disappointment.

There's no doubt that he hates me. I chose to run when he needed me the most. This is exactly why no one loves you, Maya.

His eyes glue to mine but I avoid the swirly storms I've come to admire. I don't deserve any of his affection. I don't deserve him. I take small steps forward until I reach him before sitting on my knees and putting his struggling hands to his side.

I don't understand why he's trying to stitch a wound with just one hand.

Idiot. He could hurt himself.

My voice is soft and creaky as I speak.

"You should've just told me. You can't-"

"Stop." His voice is raspy yet soft, it always is when he speaks to me. My lips tremble as I bite them , not wanting to look as pathetic as I am. He hates me for leaving him. Who wouldn't ?

I shake my head. I can't just leave him in pain before I leave- before he wants me to leave. I grab his hands again and place them where they should be as I take the needle and medical thread.

His scorching gaze is on me for the time that I sew it up, my years of skills coming in handy. After it's done, I set the first aid kid to the side and get up from my bent position.

He gets up too and bends his neck down.

"H-hug ?" I ask tentatively. I would ask him why he still wants to hug someone like me but I can't pass the offer up.

He nods and I look warily at his wound , shaking my head when he bends his head down. I only wrap my arms around his waist , making sure I'm not touching his wound. I know he doesn't like these types of hugs. Dalaric entwines his fingers in my unbrushed hair and kisses my head. Tears fall faster at his gentle actions. I don't deserve them.

I back away from the hug, my cheek missing the feel of his unclothed chest. I don't even deserve to see him like this.

It's not surprising that he has a six pack. I subtly glance at them through my watery eyes, resisting the urge to poke them.

"I'm going to go now- bye bye." I wave at him with a small smile.

Way to make it awkward , Maya.

His eyes turn hard as he grabs his turtleneck and pulls me towards him , his arms encircling me in a bear hug. He just had to do the bear hug, didn't he? He keeps making this harder.

Dalaric rubs his cheek on the top of my head while squashing my face with his warm chest.

"Never."

Fine by me. Happiness blooms in my chest and a heavy weight is lifted off.

I poke my tongue out and lick a spot on his chest. I don't know why I did that but he just seems so delicious.

I almost yell when Dalaric just falls back onto the bed , albeit gently , carrying me with him.

"Fine?" He asks , as I open one of my eyes , my weird screaming coming to a halt. I know he's asking if i'm comfortable. I've never really been in a boys bed before. But I like this.

"Fine." I kiss his hand to show him just how much I appreciate how caring he is of my comfort.

He lays there , with me on top of him. I crawl upwards so I can meet his closed eyes. I poke his face and gently caress his spotless cheeks , my eyes hardening when I see the cuts that are now cleaned. They're minuscule, but they're there.

Upset, I trace the darkened scars on his beautiful skin before lowering my voice.

"Who is't dare did hurt mine own belov'd ?" I snigger when his brows furrow and mentally thank the course I did on Old Shakespearean English.

"Brother of the target. Caught me off guard." The shock at the fact that he understood me wears off as I glare at nothing at particular.

Maybe Dalaric isn't the best assassin ? I'm pretty sure if they had me on the team, this would've never had happened. I can crack a firewall, I'm sure I can do whatever he does. Maybe I'll cry a bit, though.

"If I was there-" I draw emphasis on the 'I' before he cuts me off.

"-I would be safe , yes ?" He asks , his eyes still closed but much more relaxed.

"Damn right." I only giggle as I kiss his cute nose.

His arms tighten around me as he sighs. His very kissable lips only part slightly as he mumbles out , fatigue evident in his enticing voice.

"I'm tired."

I automatically frown. My mind conjures every possible way I can soothe him and only a few ideas appear.

Kisses ?

I don't know if he'd want me to kiss him. Lips or cheek. I pout at that , only to grin when I think of the perfect solution.

Cuddles.

I've never done it before but it sounds good. I hug those four foot teddy bears at the mall sometimes , is that how it feels like ?

I boop his nose and Dalaric opens one grey , magical eye.

"Big spoon or little spoon ?"

His brows furrow and a cute confused look appears , making me desperately want to kiss it away.

"Little spoon it is." I try to get out of his hold but it doesn't work. I glare at him when he doesn't let me go. Dalaric only sighs and does what he's told. As he should.

I walk to the other side of the bed , excitedly rubbing my hands together. I reach for the covers and pull it over the both of us as I position my self behind him. I saw this in a movie but the boy did it first. Weird.

"Scoot." He turns with a confused scowl , his back now facing me. I wrap my arms around his waist and throw my right leg around his legs that are clad in sweatpants, while smushing my face into his bare back.

Warm. Safe. Vanilla.

"You're my small spoon." My voice comes out dreamily. Dalaric sighs before shaking his head and mumbling something that sounds too similar to 'crazy girl'. He better be talking about me.

We spend a few minutes like that , a few kisses from yours truly on his back once in a while.

A smile remains plastered on my face when I try not to cry at the scars that litter his lower back. Especially the largest one, going from his left shoulder to the right side of his hip. It doesn't make any difference.

I do rub away a few tears as I kiss each and every one of them. Dalaric lets go of my hand that's around his waist and turns , pulling me close to him. He kisses both my eyes and then my forehead. I eagerly wait for his lips on mine but they never come.

Meanie.

"Fuck." Those darkened eyes wander all around my face before he ticks my head into his warm neck , sighing when I lick it. I can't help it.

He tastes like vanilla too.

He rubs soothing circles on my neck and I immediately relax , relishing in his natural warmth. His dark, soft hair is left open , the curls tickling my nose.

I gulp quietly and almost whimper as shaky words escape me, "I'm sorry."

"Stop."

"I'm so sorry- I don't know what happened , I-I..the kn-knife." I sniffle in his neck as he continues soothing the back of my neck and the pits of my being.

"Stop."

"You still like me ?"

I can feel him nod but he still replies,

"Always."

"Are you sure ? On a scale of one to ten , how-"

"Eleven. Now sleep." He pulls the covers over us so that it comes upto my neck. I feel like a burrito.

"You're going to tell me what the fuck happened to that shoulder when we wake up, Mayella."

"I know." I kiss his neck again , snuggling into my personal heater.

"I like you, sleep well."

He doesn't reply but the tightening of his hands around me tells me all that I need to know.

All I need to figure out is if or how I'm going to tell him that his brother stabbed me.

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How was your day ?

Love always ,

-.